Page 28 of Study You

Gillian couldn’t blame her at all. She had been in a foul mood when Finn approached her at the beginning of the lecture today, and she was well aware of how disgusting her attitude had been. Because since Monday, all Gillian had wanted was to see Finn. To talk things through with her. She hadn’t wanted it to end the way it had in Finn’s car, and she certainly hadn’t wanted this to be the outcome.

God, seeing those words from Finn hurt. They hurt far more than Gillian could have imagined they would. Should she risk it and call her? Should she maybe just send a text and apologise? No. An apology should be done face-to-face. Gillian’s head may not be in the right place, but she wasn’t that much of a coward.

She read the message back again. The one thing Gillian never wanted was for Finn to sit at home pining for her. That had never been her intention. Not with Finn and not with anyone else. Gillian just…didn’t know how to deal with the compliments. And that was really fucking sad. Why? Because Finn’s compliments made her feel some kind of way. A way that Gillian wasn’t used to, but also a way that could encourage Gillian to feel something more. And that wasn’t a possibility.

Finn had done the right thing in ending this. That was safe to say. She never wanted to hurt her. God, she only wanted to feel Finn against her…holding her, keeping her grounded. That was exactly what Finn provided, even if sex was somehow off the table. It was never just sex. Not really. Deep down, Gillian knew it had never been about sex for Finn, either. They both just wanted someone who they felt comfortable with.

And now Gillian had royally fucked that.

Still, she couldn’t sit in silence with this. Finn deserved more than that.

Can we talk?

She sent the message off before she could back out. Finn would either agree or she wouldn’t. When her phone buzzed in her hand, Gillian’s stomach dropped.

I’ve said everything I needed to say.

Fuck. Gillian shook her head, determined to make this right. And not for the sex aspect, as Finn likely believed. But because she wasn’t the person she’d been in her lecture today. That had never been Gillian.

Please, Finn. I’m sorry about today and I’d really like to talk.

That was never going to happen. Gillian felt Finn’s rejection seeping through her phone before she’d even received it.

I think it’s best if we just don’t see one another. We don’t talk. We don’t interact in any way at all other than on campus. You were downright rude to me today and I really don’t know what I did to deserve it. Was it because you didn’t get your own way on Monday night and I asked you to get out of my car? Did you expect me to end up in your bed with you?

That was harsh, but it was also fair. Gillian knew she continuously fucked up—more so when it came to her personal life—but that hadn’t been it. Not at all.

I hope you know that’s not true. Please can we talk? If not soon, whenever you’re ready?

Gillian had made plenty of mistakes in her life—marrying Dave was a huge one—but she really needed to make amends here. Not only because it was Finn but because it was her student. Finn would never do anything harmful to hit back, but Gillian felt terrible.

Not right now.

As she read those words back, Gillian sighed. It wasn’t an outright no, but it wasn’t a yes, either.

Then I can only hope you’ll give me the opportunity to talk when you’re ready to hear it. I’m so sorry, Finn.

Gillian locked her phone and placed it on the coffee table. If she couldn’t fix this with Finn, she would forever regret it.

Chapter 11

Finn carried a round of drinks to the table for her and Deena, a few shots thrown in for good measure. She appreciated that Deena had shown up for her; it meant so much, and she was going to make this night a night to remember. Deena had mentioned she had a few friends who were also out on the town and that maybe they’d come to The Corner to join them at some point. “Beer for you. And some shots…because why the fuck not?”

Deena grinned, nodding enthusiastically. “My kinda friend.”

“The only thing I draw the line at is dancing. I’m not a dancer. No way.” Finn would dance with a beautiful woman if she was trying to make the night go a particular way, but that was only when it was absolutely necessary. “You’re welcome to bust a move, but don’t even think about trying to get me up.”

“I would never.” Deena held up a hand. “And to be honest, I plan to get so legless that I don’t have the ability to dance anyway. It’s been so long since I had a night out. I’m making the most of it.”

“That’s what I like to hear.”

Deena’s phone flashed on the table, but she flipped it over and rolled her eyes. “I’m not even dealing with life tonight. I refuse to.”

Finn leaned in. “If you need to take a call, that’s fine.”

“I don’t.”

Okay. Finn wasn’t going to push on this. She wanted a night out, free from drama. It was as simple as that. “So, how’s the semester going for you so far?”

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