Page 27 of Study You

Finn lowered her voice as she said, “Forget it. I’ll send a fucking email instead.”

She strode across the lecture hall and took the steps up to where Deena sat. Slumped in her seat, her bag still slung across her, Finn felt as though the wind had just been knocked out of her. Did Gillian really think Finn would discuss them in the middle of a lecture? Did she think Finn was stupid enough or careless enough to even contemplate that?

One thing was becoming increasingly clear. Whatever was going on here, Gillian did only see this purely as an arrangement. There wasn’t a hint of respect or decency on her part…only fucking or not. When Finn wanted to compliment her—something she would do to anyone—it came back to the fucking. When she wanted to discuss an issue related to university, it came back to the fucking. It was all Gillian had on her mind when it involved Finn. Which was a shame. Because while Finn enjoyed every last naked second she spent with Gillian, she was still a normal human being who had a life, too.

“How’s your week going?” Deena asked, her eyes straying towards Finn.

“Yeah. Great. Yours?”

Deena sighed. “Could be better. I really need a night out.”

“Friday? I’m still planning drinks if you fancy it?”

“Yeah. Count me in. I’d love to have a drink with you. I’m buying the first round, birthday girl.”

Finn beamed a smile. “Sounds great.”

“Okay. We have a lot to get through today, so if I could have everyone’s attention,” Gillian said as she eyed Finn. “I’d really appreciate it.”

Fuck. This wasn’t the Gillian she knew at all.

* * *

Finn paced in her room, seething that Gillian had treated her the way she had earlier. She wasn’t a child, she knew the rules, so there had really been no need for such a hostile reception. And right now, as she continued to wear a hole in her bedroom carpet from all the back and forth…she didn’t want to speak to Gillian again until she learnt how to talk to people with respect.

No. She wasn’t doing this. She wasn’t going to sit back and not rock the boat. Gillian had spoken to her like something she’d stepped in, and Finn wasn’t having it.

She slowly sat down on her bed and brought up her messages.

I don’t know why or when you decided to turn on me, but I don’t appreciate being spoken to like that. I’ve done nothing to deserve it. And since you don’t know how to talk to people anymore, I’ll just say what I have to say here. Whether you give a fuck or not is down to yourself.

Finn sent the message, not giving Gillian the chance to respond before she started to write out exactly what she wanted to say.

I know this thing between us is very fragile. I know you have a career and a life outside of me. One you can’t jeopardise. I’ve always known that, and I support you in anything you need to do, any decisions you make, and whether or not you want to see me again. I’ve always understood your feelings towards me and this arrangement. Sure, it hurts sometimes when I remember what’s happening and that it could never be anything more if things grew naturally, but I’m big enough to deal with that myself. If I didn’t think I could handle it, I never would have started this again with you. Since Monday though, I feel as though it’s falling apart. While I know you’re only here for the sex, I find it hard to understand the rules at times. You allow me to kiss you, but I can’t compliment you. You let me fuck you senseless, but the idea of having a drink is out of the question. Unless it suits you, and you turn up at the bar I’m at. I don’t understand how this is working. Or…am I supposed to sit at home pining after you? Is that what you want? For me to sit glued to my phone wishing I’d hear from you? Because that’s how this feels now. So, yeah. You were right on Monday night when you said things feel one-sided. They are. And anything that I say or do is only allowed when YOU say so. It doesn’t matter anymore how much I want you. It doesn’t matter if I wish you’d call, or text, or beg me to come over to your place. I’m not doing this anymore. When I can’t even compliment the woman I adore spending my time with, no. I can’t do it. Take care, Gillian. I hope you find whatever the fuck it is you’re looking for. Though, I’m not sure even you know.

Finn hit send, scoffing as she stared down at the delivered status. Gillian probably wouldn’t even respond, but Finn was expecting that. Silence. It was always far easier to remain silent than to accept you’d done something wrong. And though Finn didn’t know Gillian well enough yet, she suspected that was precisely the kind of person she was. Whatever was going on, Finn was out. She wasn’t doing this anymore.

She opened up her laptop, sending off an email to Gillian.

Hi, Gillian.

I won’t be at the lecture or seminar this Friday. Apologies, but my mother has hospital appointments that she has been waiting on for several months, and I’m the one taking her to them. If you could alert me to any module uploads, I would greatly appreciate it.

Thanks,

Finn Ashton.

Finn rolled her head on her shoulders and sent off the email. That had been all she wanted to say to Gillian this morning when she reached the lecture hall, but even that had gone to shit. She closed her laptop, threw it to the other side of the bed, and fell back onto the mattress.

Time to move on with your life, kid. Women are the fucking worst!

* * *

No, no, no.

Gillian sat on the couch with her head in her hands, tears brimming on her eyelids. She had come home from work with the intention of contacting Finn, but that wasn’t a good idea right now. Finn…was done.

Can you blame her?

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