Page 119 of Electric Touch

“Me too.”

After he holds me for a short while longer, I suggest we go home and get warm and dry. Nash doesn’t push me to talk about it anymore and he calls Blake. He’s been outside this whole time. I’m grateful because now that I’ve told him, I feel drained. I’m happy he’s here, happy he’s given us a chance and knows I am not that person. The one who would deliberately hurt him. It’s bittersweet, because at the same time we agreed we want to be together, talking about Ariella’s illness has sent me into a spiral he shouldn’t have to deal with.

But he doesn’t leave me. He takes care of getting me back to my apartment safely. He puts our clothes in the drier, then gets me into the shower to warm up. Although he joins me, there is nothing sexual about it. When I’m dressed in pyjamas, he makes me a hot tea and gets me under a blanket on the couch. We haven’t spoken much. He’s giving me the choice of whether I want to explain further or if I just want him to be here for me. I go with the latter, because I can’t talk about Ariella.

We talk about other things, and he makes us something to eat. Afterwards, while we wash dishes together I turn to face him.

“I don’t want you to do this out of obligation.”

“Adrestia,” he tries not to sound angry, but I’ve clearly irritated him with that comment. “I came to you today because I messed up and I wanted to make it right. I want to be with you. No matter what. You have to know that. If you hurt, I hurt. I want to do everything I can to make it better. No more fights or misunderstandings that are stupid and petty and make me feel like a fucking idiot.”

“You’re not an idiot.”

“A few people would say different,” he huffs. “I’m not going anywhere,” he says, walking to where I’m standing by the kitchen archway, backing me up against the wall. “Well, I’m going on tour but… Fuck, I forgot about that.”

Me too.

“Great timing,” he presses his forehead to mine.

“I have my family, Apollo and Sasha. I’ll be okay.”

“I know you will, because you’re strong. What you’re doing, for Ariella, it’s beautiful Adrestia. Just like you are.”

“Don’t make me cry again.”

“I don’t want to make you cry,” he kisses the corner of my mouth. “I just want… to be here for you. I want to.” He blinks and looks down between us. When he looks back up, he runs one hand up my arm and feathers his fingers across my jaw. “I never thought I would fall again. Maybe this is the wrong time to say it, but I don’t care. I mean, I care, but...”

I chuckle and run my hands up his chest, trying to encourage him with my eyes. I want to hear it.

“I’ll never let you go again,” he says. “I’m glad you came to that audition. I’m glad I kept running into you in all those different places. I’m glad I found you and you found me. I feel stupid for not saying it sooner, I don’t care what anyone else thinks. I love you, Adrestia.”

He kisses me like he is afraid I will not say it back. He doesn’t give me the chance to say it back as he holds me close and kisses me. And I let him, pouring everything into it, hoping he understands through my actions that I do too.

“I wish I wasn’t leaving in two days,” he says against my lips.

“You’ve worked hard for this,” I tell him.

“I know. It’s just shitty timing.”

“If it makes you feel better about going, I love you too.”

He grins, his shoulders shake as he can’t help but laugh. “Not sure that makes me feel better.”

“How about this?” I kiss him again, deeper this time, wrapping my arms around his neck.

Nash pulls me tight against him and we kiss until we’re both breathless. I take his hand and lead him to my room. He undresses me and we come together. His first thrust is slow and deep as he kisses me, holding me tight.

I don’t want to think of him being gone for seven weeks either, but know we are strong enough to do it. I’ve lived with the weight of my sister’s illness for months. Him being away for seven weeks will hurt for different reasons, not because of my sister. I will make sure he knows that. Right now, I want to bask in this feeling of knowing Nash Jameson loves me. I lie beside him, his chest rises and falls beneath my palm over his heart while he sleeps.

Ariella is right. The list is about more than me doing the things she can’t. There are things on it she could have easily done but she didn’t. Because of the words she wrote on that sheet of paper all those months ago, I’ve done the one thing I always believed was impossible to achieve. I’ve fallen in love.

All along, I suspect the things she put on that list were never about her.

They were always about me.

Epilogue

“I still can’t say this fucking word.”

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