Page 87 of Revenge Cake

“I have anxiety!” she continues as if she didn’t hear me. “I live in my god damn head. I know all of this already. Yes, I was too guarded with you. I was trying to protect myself, and I regret it now, because it didn’t make a god damn difference! You broke my heart anyway!”

Those last words end with a sob and now I truly hate myself. I squeeze her body tight as I burrow my head into her neck. “Lani, I’m so sorry. You can’t know how sorry I am. You’re killing me right now.”

She doesn’t say anything for a while, and each sob is like a knife in my chest. This is what my fucking needy ass did to her. All of this is because of me.

After the sobs finally subside, she lifts her head to look up at me. Her face is red and splotchy, and her eyes look almost swollen shut. “I’m so scared you’re going to do it again.” Her voice is barely above a whisper.

“I know, honey.” I press a soft kiss against her wet cheek. “I can tell you a million times I’d rather die than hurt you like that again, but that’s all I can do. The rest has to be from you. If you want this, you need to have faith in me. I want to change. I want to be better for you. You’ll have to trust me.”

She shuts her eyes tight. “I’m not very good at that.”

Under different circumstances, I might smile at the understatement of the century, but my own anxiety is too high right now. Now we’re really getting down to it. In a few moments, she’s going to make a decision.

And I feel like I might die if it’s not in my favor.

The needy bastard in me wants to manipulate her, to use her trust issues against her. How many other guys would be patient enough to put up with your bullshit for as long as I did? I have to clench my teeth to keep the words from coming out.

But I would have been this way all along if it didn’t take work to be better. “All I want is another chance,” I say, with tremendous effort. “You don’t have to make a major decision now.”

She’s quiet for a while, and I try to retreat into my head to spare myself the agony of waiting on her answer.

After what feels like a god damn eternity, she finally speaks. “Okay.” It’s just above a whisper. I intake a sharp breath. “Okay?” I nearly shout in her face.

She blinks up at me, as if startled. “Yes. Okay.”

As simple as that, her look says, but it’s not enough for me. I need more. I stop myself from shifting my hips and sinking back into her, demanding more reassurance before I let the joy unleash. “You need to outline what ‘okay’ means.”

She lifts her hands in a gesture of frustration. “I mean I’ll give you another chance.” When my face doesn’t change, she elaborates. “We can get back together.”

I stare at her, unable to believe what I’m hearing. These last few months have been absolute hell. Am I really in heaven again?

I lean in and press my lips against hers, dipping my tongue in slowly as I taste her. She matches my pace, gently massaging my tongue with her own.

This certainly feels like heaven.

When I pull away, I can tell by her softened expression that she feels it too. I smile at her.

This is it.

Our new beginning.

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