Page 52 of Sugar

“I can do that,” Piper told him. “I promise.”

Juno turned his head to the side, and he looked sweet and almost innocent in ways he didn’t usually appear. His cheek was smashed against his knees, and his lips were pursed. When he spoke, his voice was muffled. “I feel like things are weird between us. I get the feeling you’re upset.”

Piper took a breath. It was now or never, he supposed. “I think…” Oh fuck, this was going to kill him, and there was every chance Juno was going to get pissed off and walk away. But he knew in that moment, he needed this for him. He could take care of Juno, but he still had to take care of himself too. “I like you, Juno. A lot.”

Juno said nothing. He blinked softly. He didn’t move.

“I want this to be more than it is, but I also understand you need time to deal with everything else.”

Juno’s eyes slipped closed. “So do you. You need time to understand what being with me will be like.”

“You’re right,” Piper said. And he meant that. “You make me feel better than anyone has before. I like it probably too much. But my heart’s on the line too, and if you’re not ready to commit, I think I might need…” He hesitated. He didn’t know the words he wanted to use.

“Some space?” Juno offered. There was a hint of bitterness in his voice, but Piper allowed it to just sit there between them unchecked.

After a beat, when Juno finally looked at him again, he nodded. “I don’t want to stop everything. But the more we’re intimate, the more I fall for you, and it’s hard not knowing if you’re going to give this a chance. If we decided to stop now, it would hurt, but we could go back to being friends. If we keep going and then you decide it’s not right for you, I don’t know if I?—”

“No, I get it,” Juno said, cutting him off. He took a breath, then dropped his legs. “I need you to not take this the wrong way, but I’m going to go eat this in the guest room and get some sleep. Alone. I, um…yeah.” Juno didn’t wait for him to answer. He just grabbed his plate and his glass of water, then disappeared down the short hallway.

Piper’s stomach sank to his feet. He couldn’t help but feel he’d fucked the whole thing up. He wouldn’t be surprised if come morning, Juno didn’t want to go on. But he couldn’t regret it. Juno’s heart wasn’t the only one at risk, and if this was going to go nowhere, he didn’t want to leave himself in ruins.

Piper forced himself to eat, and then he cleaned up and made sure that the house was in better shape than they’d found it. There was still food left, so he scribbled a note to the morning cleaning service to either take it or toss it. He wiped the counters, went into the bathroom and gave that a once-over, and then he dug around in his suitcase and took out something he could wear for the drive.

Whether it was forward or back, he wanted to be prepared.

Zipping up his suitcase, he looked around the room, and his stomach ached. It felt so fucking empty without Juno. He could hear music drifting from under the door of the second bedroom. It was soft, melodic, with a small bass beat. He didn’t recognize it, but it was very him.

Juno’s stuff was still in the room, and Piper carefully piled everything together, scooting both cases along the wall, and then he went into the bathroom for a shower because everything was hurting from the tension he was holding. He used some of the Lush soap to help massage his aching muscles, then stared down at his limp dick and wondered if taking a pill and jerking himself off would make himself feel better.

But he doubted he’d be able to get hard, even with the chemical help.

He pressed his forehead to the tiles and let the water slough off his back until his fingers began to wrinkle as he tried not to picture what he and Juno had been doing the last time they were in the shower.

But that was impossible, so he stepped out and dried off. Slipping into boxers, he flicked the lights off, then crawled under the covers and turned on his side to stare out the window. He probably wasn’t going to sleep much. All he could do was lie there and wonder if this was over before it really began. Was it worth protecting himself if it meant putting a wall between them?

He missed Juno. He missed their intimacy and closeness. He wished he could reach inside him and fill all those dark spaces his childhood had created and ease some of his fear.

But right now, he felt like he was a carved-out, hollow void with no promise that it would ever be filled. Shit, he was the broken one. He’d ignored who he was and what he wanted for so long he’d turned into this. A man who wanted to take risks, who told himself he could take risks, then fled at the first sight of one.

Reaching for the nightstand, he pulled his phone down and shot a text off to his brother.

Piper: I might not have a plus one. I’ll keep you posted. Don’t want to screw with your seating arrangements.

Nix: There’s no seating arrangements. This is a courthouse thing and dinner after. Are you okay?

Piper: Yeah. I’m fine. Just wanted to give you a head’s up. Have a good night.

It was the first time in a long time that he’d lied to his brother, and he felt like shit about it. But Phoenix would worry. He’d try to fix things. And Piper wasn’t about to sic his brother on Juno. Nix didn’t have the experience to understand what Juno was going through, and regardless of what happened, Piper would stay a buffer until Juno was ready to face the sharpness of the world on his own.

His eyes started to drift closed after some time. Off in the distance, he heard thunder. Then the skies opened up. He pulled his blanket tighter around him and just breathed.

“Hey.”

Piper hadn’t realized he’d been drifting until he heard the hesitant voice, and he jumped, turning his head. “Juno?”

“Fuck, I hate when you call me that.”

Piper sat halfway up and stared at the shadowy figure in his doorway. “By your name?”

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