Page 51 of Sugar

Piper didn’t want to let it go, but he also knew he wouldn’t get anywhere with Juno if he pushed. That was starting to grate on him a little, but it was an easy request, so he nodded in spite of the feeling in his gut. “Consider it forgotten. Are you hungry?”

“Starved.” Juno pulled away from him a little too quickly, and Piper felt the distance more profoundly than he usually did.

Once again, he wanted to demand answers. Juno was always so closed off, and while Piper could be sympathetic, it was starting to feel a little one-sided. And that wasn’t what he wanted. “Want to grab some plates?” he asked instead of starting an argument. He knew his tone was off, but he couldn’t help it.

Juno gave him an odd look, but he nodded and walked to the kitchen.

Piper took the momentary reprieve to recenter himself. He needed a breath and a quick mental pep talk. This was uncharted territory for them both. Juno was going through heavy shit, and he’d made it clear he wasn’t ready for anything deeper than this. If Piper’s heart got too involved, that was his own fault.

Juno had made his feelings clear. Piper needed to respect that.

If adding benefits to their friendship was starting to be too much, he’d have to communicate that. He had to be responsible for himself and his own heart.

“You okay?”

Piper jumped and realized he’d been standing still, halfway to reaching for the food bag for way too long. He managed a smile and a nod. “I’m good. Just in my head a little.”

He felt Juno’s gaze, but he didn’t look over as he sat down on the couch and began to lay everything out. The food was neatly separated and boxed up and still very warm. The smell was amazing and enough to distract him from his inner turmoil in favor of satiating a different kind of hunger.

He noticed the space between them when Juno sat, though. And it was clear in the moment that in spite of Juno’s protests, he had done something to upset him.

Was it the sex earlier? Juno had told Piper he wanted to wait before coming until Piper was ready. And Piper had pushed. Had he coerced him into it? He’d been sure to ask, and Juno’s consent had been so enthusiastic. But Piper also wasn’t an expert at reading people, so maybe he’d fucked up and pushed him into something he wasn’t ready for. Fuck.

“Listen,” Piper said.

“You left,” Juno cut in without letting Piper begin.

Piper frowned. “What?”

“I…you left. I mean, you went to get food,” Juno said, gesturing weakly at the spread. “But you left.”

Piper’s head was starting to hurt. “I’m so sorry, sugar, but I’m not following.”

Juno swallowed heavily, wrapping his arms around his middle. He had a full plate, but he left it untouched on the edge of the table. “I woke up, and you weren’t here. There wasn’t a note. Your stuff was here, so I kept telling myself it was fine. You’d be back. You weren’t going to leave all your crap. But then I thought, if you wanted to escape and ghost me, you might leave your stuff. You’re not broke. You could afford to replace a bunch of outfits.”

It hit Piper like a freight train. He hadn’t even thought about that. It hadn’t occurred to him at all to send a text or leave a note because he was just running out to get the dinner Juno had heard him order. Juno had asleep. He’d been so peaceful.

And besides that, there wasn’t a chance in hell under any circumstances that Piper would leave Juno in the middle of nowhere.

“I’m so sor?—”

“No,” Juno said quickly, cutting him off again. “No. I’m the one being fucking weird. Please don’t apologize.”

“I didn’t know,” Piper said, not willing to be silenced. He set his plate aside and shifted a space closer. “Leaving you is not something that would have ever occurred to me, no matter how I was feeling.”

“Yeah. That’s why I?—”

“Let me finish,” Piper said gently. Juno flushed hard and clamped his jaw together. Piper reached out and smoothed a hand over it, trying to ease some of the tension. “I couldn’t have guessed that was a problem because you don’t tell me half the things that bother you. I notice the obvious things, but there’s a lot more. I’ve seen your triggers. The bath thing…” He stopped at the devastated look on Juno’s face.

“I don’t like dirty water, okay? When I was little, I had to bathe in the same water as a bunch of other kids. One kid liked to piss in the water, and the woman taking care of us would never—” His voice cracked, and he cleared his throat. “I don’t like dirty water. When I came in the water, I didn’t like the idea that it was in there. Touching me. I know it’s not rational. I didn’t even know it was a problem until it happened.”

Those words hit Piper in the gut. Fuck, he wasn’t being entirely fair. Yes, he had a point that Juno kept things to himself, but he hadn’t stopped to consider that maybe Juno wasn’t aware of half of his own triggers until they happened. “Okay.”

“It’s not like I don’t want to tell you things. I just don’t understand them. Or they’re embarrassing. I mean, I’m a grown-ass man, and I’ve had years of therapy.” Juno dug his fingers into his hair and tugged on the roots. “I have a laundry list of coping skills that mostly work. But then weird shit creeps up on me, and it makes me look—” He stopped.

“It doesn’t make you look any sort of way,” Piper said when Juno cut himself off and didn’t finish. “Everyone has their hang-ups. I’m sure I have a dozen weird things that I’m unaware of. And I’m sure they’ll pop up the longer we’re on the road together. I don’t mind that they happen. And if you don’t want to talk about stuff with me, I get it. We barely know each other. I’m not going to make demands like that. But if I do something wrong or if there’s something you need from me, you have to tell me. I can’t be better if you don’t give me the chance.”

Juno stared at him for a long time, then lifted his feet to rest on the coffee table. He pulled his knees close to his chest and rested his forehead on them. “If you need to leave, send me a text. I don’t mind being alone. I actually enjoy it. But I don’t like being left.”

---