Page 50 of Sugar

Piper didn’t mind the lie. If it meant Juno would rest, he’d do anything. Letting Juno take his hand, they slipped under the covers, still a little damp, and Piper basked in feeling more emotionally sated than he had felt in a long, long time.

Juno wanted him. Juno liked him.

And this was about to become something.

Piper liked watching Juno sleep. Maybe that was a little creepy, he wasn’t sure. He’d never really done this before, so he wasn’t sure if his emotions were level or not. And while he had a couple of old colleagues he could probably call and ask, they’d want details, and he’d have to admit he’d fallen for someone just a little older than his baby brother, and that made him feel…

Not uncomfortable, but scared they’d want him to be ashamed. And he wasn’t. He couldn’t be. Juno was a force of nature, and it was impossible for Piper not to have been swept up by his tide. He didn’t want it any other way.

He stretched, then sat up and set his legs on the floor. It was time to pick up their dinner, and he was getting hungry.

Juno didn’t move an inch. He was fast asleep, and Piper debated about waking him, but he knew his lover needed the rest. After the hike and then the shower, he was worn. And that was just from today. Every time Piper had seen him at the mall, Juno looked exhausted, and Piper wondered if he’d ever gotten a real, solid night’s sleep.

Piper didn’t think he was going to swoop in and fix all of Juno’s problems, but if he could act like a crutch for a little while—just until Juno was steady on his own feet again—he’d happily take it.

The only real hesitation he was feeling was that in spite of the fact that Juno admitted to wanting more with him, he was still shying away from saying the words aloud. Juno liked being fawned on and spoiled, but every time it got emotional, he’d crack a joke. Or he’d look away. Or he’d tense all over.

Piper couldn’t pretend to know what life was like for Juno—how growing up the way he had shaped him into the man he was. Piper liked that man, but he was also afraid because he didn’t want to get hurt. He was willing to take a risk for Juno, but he didn’t want to be shattered in the process.

The thought weighed heavy on him as he slipped from the bed and rummaged around for his shoes. He found them in the living room, and he passed by a mirror and was startled by how old he looked.

Not ancient, but his hair seemed a little greyer at the temples, and there were a few more lines at the sides of his eyes. The commas by his lips were deeper etched than they were the last time he’d really stopped and looked at himself, and he wondered if this was what he looked like all the time.

Was that the reason Juno was hesitating with him? Juno deserved someone young and spry. Someone with the energy to match his own. Maybe all Piper would be for him was a stepping stone into his happily ever after.

He could live with that. He really could. No matter how much it would hurt.

Piper wasn’t really a catastrophizing sort of guy, though, so he accepted the thought, then shoved it aside to deal with later. Right now, he wanted to make the best of the trip. He wanted to give Juno what he needed and take as much as he was allowed to take for as long as he could. He’d indulge because he hadn’t done much of that in his life, and he loved himself enough to acknowledge that he deserved it.

He wasn’t the best guy, but he had always tried his best.

That thought followed him out the front door and down the road to pick up their food. Luckily, by the time he was pulling back into the driveway, the weight of it all had lessened. He didn’t want to drag down the mood of their journey. This wasn’t really about him. Not entirely. He wanted to focus on the task at hand.

Whatever came after that was for future Piper to handle.

Piper managed a smile by the time he turned off the car, but it only lasted until he walked into the living room and found Juno pacing, talking frantically on the phone.

Piper’s heart sank. Something had gone wrong.

When the door slammed, Juno spun to face him, and all the color drained from his face. He cleared his throat. “Hey. I gotta go. Yeah, no. Piper’s back. Okay. Love you, babes.”

Piper winced internally, reminding himself that was how Juno spoke to his friends. “Everything okay? We’re still close enough that we can get back in a day if you need to?—”

“No.” The single word was sharp and spoken deep from Juno’s chest. He passed a hand down his face, then dropped his phone on the small table. “You went to get food.”

That almost sounded like an accusation, and Piper didn’t quite know how to respond to that. Piper had the strangest feeling he’d done something wrong. But Juno’s expression was slowly starting to soften the longer he stared up at him.

“Yes, I went to get our food.”

“You didn’t wake me up,” Juno said, his voice quieter this time.

Piper frowned. “You seemed like you needed the rest. You didn’t even twitch when I got out of the bed. Is that what’s wrong?”

“No,” Juno said stiffly, then cleared his throat and shook his head. “That’s not what’s wrong.”

Piper set the food down next to Juno’s phone and approached carefully, cautiously. He held out one hand, and Juno stepped into it. Piper breathed a sigh of relief as he bent down to kiss Juno’s temple. “Do you want to talk about it? Is it your eyes…or is someone in trouble?”

“No,” Juno said, then blew out a puff of air. “I’d rather just let it go.”

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