Page 81 of Cruel Steps

My heart beat faster in anticipation. I wasn’t scared, but excited. I liked being someone he could be himself with. “Okay. What are they?”

“I really like to watch. So imagining him leaving these on you gets me off.” He trailed his thumb over a mark, and true to his word, his eyes dilated a little more. “But I also like to show off.”

“Show off? I don’t understand.”

“It comes out in different ways. Leaving marks for others to see and imagining them knowing you’re mine, that’s…” He groaned and lifted his hips, his erection digging into me. “Fuck, it gets me hard to claim you.”

“Mmm,” I moaned, rocking on him. “What else?”

“Do you know how bad I wanted to take you against the door at Pawsitive Haven? The thrill of getting caught, combined with anyone hearing how good I make you feel, well, it had me coming in my pants after you left.”

“Really?” My eyes widened, and I gasped at the thought. That was hot.

He nodded, his eyes searching mine. When I didn’t show any disgust, he continued. “After finding that couple in the library, all I can think about is taking you up against the stacks.”

I pressed my nails into his shoulders. Oh, yeah. I was into that. “Tell me more,” I gasped, rocking on him.

“Sharing you with Holden is a big turn-on. We work so well together, so bringing a woman to pleasure is instinctual. I can turn my brain off while he gives commands and just obey. It’s a trust thing.” He shrugged. “I’ve never had anyone take care of me, and even though we don’t want each other that way, taking that part of our friendship into the bedroom makes everything tenfold.” His brow furrowed, thoughts racing across his eyes. “Maybe that’s why I can’t ever seem to be all-in in a relationship. The vulnerability is scary, but I already have it with him, so it makes it easier. Plus, I get to watch you being taken care of, increasing my own, and then give you more. You are the most beautiful and amazing woman; it’s no wonder we both fell for you.”

Doubt warred with the sweet words and lustful things he’d said. I swallowed. “What if he’s out? Does that change things?” Was I enough on my own?

“It’s not an all-or-nothing thing for me. I think the three of us could be great together, and each find a place to love and belong. But I don’t need him to fall in love with you, Mer.” He paused. “Holden has his demons; he just needs to work through them. He’ll get there.”

“I’m not sure we can come back from this.”

“Can I ask a favor?” I nodded. “Don’t give up on him yet. Give him a chance to surprise you.” I opened my mouth to protest, but he stopped me and placed his finger on my lips. “I’m not excusing whatever he said. I’m just saying he’s hurting and confused. You’re the wrecking ball he never saw coming, plowing through his carefully laid plans. But he needs you, Mer. Just like I think you need him.”

“You really believe in him.”

“He’s my best friend, and I want the best for him, even if he’s too stubborn to see it.”

“And you’re sure you don’t love him?” I joked.

“I love Holden; I’m just not in love with him. There’s a difference.”

I sighed. Colter had given me a lot to think about. “Fine. I won’t write him out yet, but he has to show me he’s serious and repair the things he’s broken. I won’t let him crush my heart a third time.”

Colter leaned forward and kissed me softly. After a few seconds, he pulled away and wrapped his arms around me, resting his head on my shoulder. “I should let you get some rest.”

I wasn’t sure if he was stopping for himself or me, but I let him lift me off his lap. While I changed into pajamas, he grabbed me a pillow and blanket.

“Sweet dreams, Merbear.”

“Night, Col.”

His door closed softly, and I lay quietly, only my thoughts to keep me company. There were so many things to consider.

Had I been wrong to publish my paper?

No. I didn’t believe so. Those were my words and experiences, and Holden couldn’t police it when he thought it was okay to share it.

Was I responsible for what happened to Hope?

Maybe partially. I knew releasing it during the game would give me the shock value I wanted. She’d be with her friends, and I wanted her status to suffer. But I wasn’t the one driving the car, nor had I lied about anything I’d written. Hope needed to be held accountable for her actions, and that was on her.

I knew people would blame me for keeping quiet for so long, but my experience wasn’t theirs. Unless you were the one dealing with the abuse, you didn’t get to have an opinion on whether or not I’d handled it right.

Bullying shouldn’t have been allowed. Full stop.

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