Page 82 of Cruel Steps

In my opinion, the teachers and administration who ignored it were just as liable as Hope.

Did Hope deserve to be hit by a car?

This was where I struggled. For years, I’d felt ashamed of who I was. She’d made my life a living hell. Nothing ever felt safe, and that took a toll on a person. Feeling like I didn’t matter made me wish I’d been the one to die instead of my mom. Those were heavy and dark thoughts, and if I didn’t have dance or a dad who loved me, I probably wouldn’t be here. Not everyone was as lucky as me.

Cyber bullying didn’t stop at home, and without an outlet to channel myself… It was a statistic I didn’t like to think about. Too many young lives taken far before their time.

If I was honest with myself, I felt vindicated that she’d been hurt. Finally! Karma had caught up to her.

But once that burned away, there was a sick feeling in my gut.

I hated Hope, but I didn’t want to lower myself to hurt others. It was why, despite my list, I couldn’t use people to take her down or bully her like she’d done me. I’d never want anyone to feel that shame or self-loathing.

Perhaps that made me weak, but I couldn’t cross that line. I wanted justice, not revenge. It wasn’t about fighting back, but fighting forward. Something I hadn’t understood the difference between until recently.

Which brought me to the last question running around in my head… Could I forgive Holden?

I’d like to say no, that he’d hurt me one too many times.

But… he was Holden.

I had strong feelings for him, ones I wished I could ignore. I half expected the red-flag police to buzz into the room and cite me. I didn’t excuse his behavior, and he needed to earn my forgiveness before I let my heart thaw toward him again.

But it could.

The image of Holden, Colter, and me was too tempting to ignore. I wanted that.

I wanted them.

Tossing in my sleep, I rolled over and faced the front, but it didn’t help. Sighing, I let out a breath. Despite going through all the looming questions, another dozen popped up in their place. It didn’t help that my body felt tight from the arousal Colter had stirred and didn’t have a place to go. It lingered beneath my skin, and every move reminded me how unsatisfied I felt. My nipples chafed against my shirt, and I shifted my legs, but I couldn’t get enough friction.

Flipping the pillow, I moved lower on the couch. It did not help. In fact, it made the feeling worse. Blowing out a raspberry, I flopped my arms down on the couch. There was only one sure way for me to go to sleep.

Biting my lip, I sat up and placed my feet on the floor. I waited and listened, but I couldn’t hear anything from either room. Standing before I talked myself out of it, I tiptoed to Colter’s.

Quietly, I tested the doorknob and was relieved when it opened. Stepping into his room, I let my eyes adjust to the unfamiliar room before I moved. Taking one more deep breath, I lifted my shirt over my head and shimmied off my panties, dropping them both to the ground.

Colter’s back was to me, with the covers at his waist, gifting me a beautiful view of his strong back muscles. Carefully, I lifted the covers and climbed in behind him. When my skin touched his, he stirred and tilted his head back to peer at me.

“Mer? Is everything okay?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know.”

He rolled over, and his arms went around my body. His eyes widened when he felt me. “You’re naked.”

Giggling, I nodded. “Is that okay?”

He swallowed, and his Adam’s apple bobbed. “Yes. Totally cool with that.”

Leaning forward, I kissed him. The lust we’d stirred earlier roared back to life at the touch. Colter’s hands picked up where he left off on the coach, wandering over my skin and caressing me.

“Fuck. I love touching your body. It’s so luscious and perfect. I could get off just staring at you.”

“Tell me more,” I whispered, moving my hands over him. I traveled down to his waist and teased the waistband of his boxers. He moaned and kissed my neck. I pushed my hand lower and cupped him around the base. He was thick and hard, warm to my touch.

“The first day you ran into me, I jacked off in the library bathroom after you left. Then, again that night and next morning.”

Hearing how much he desired me heated my insides. “More.”

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