Page 47 of Saviors

“She needs more than you assholes.” She huffed as they stared at her. “Relax. We’re just going to get our nails done. She’s safe with me.”

Reid’s jaw flexed, but he nodded. “Don’t be gone long.”

“We’ll be gone as long as it takes.” She turned on her heel, dragging me with her. I was stunned by her boldness. And a little jealous.

Their affection for each other was clear. My chest ached because I missed it with my brothers. But for guys so worried about my safety, I wondered why they let me go with her.

“Do you know what they were fighting about?” Ivette asked once we stepped outside.

My cheeks warmed as I opened the passenger door. “Me. I think. I kind of… hooked up with them last night.”

“Hmm… good for you.” Her gaze held no judgment as she put the car in gear.

My head jerked back. She didn’t sound surprised that I said ‘them’. Then realization dawned on me. “You know? About the sharing thing?”

She shrugged. “It’s not the most unusual kink I’ve seen.”

It seemed strange to me, but after what I’d gone through, I envied those bonds. They’d do anything to stay close. They wouldn’t abandon each other.

My teeth sank into my lip. I couldn’t stop the part of me that was curious about how it worked. My skin burned with memories of having all of them touching me. It should’ve been dirty. But… I’d never felt so free.

When I thought about it, it didn’t seem surprising at all. They were so connected. So attuned to each other. Why should this be any different?

“H-how does that work?” My fingers twisted in my lap as she drove. “Don’t the girls they date get jealous?”

She looked my way. Her lips pursed and her eyes skimmed over my face like she was making a decision. Then she was focusing on the road again. “Hard for that to happen when they don’t let anyone close. They don’t date.”

“They let me close.” There had been no hesitation. They’d brought me into their home. Their world. Their lives.

“I’m still trying to figure that one out.” She smiled, so I knew there was no malice behind her words. “Mav and Connor can hook up without Reid. He’ll jump in the mix now and then. But it’s never lasted beyond a night. I doubt it could work long term.”

I didn’t know how to tell her that the idea of a commitment made my stomach sink. Even if I wanted it, I knew it wouldn’t happen. Eventually, they’d see how broken I was. They’d learn what a disappointment I’d always been.

Still, some temporary enjoyment held its appeal. That’s all this was, temporary. Shouldn’t I get as much out of this as I could? Before life knocked me down again.

I immediately felt guilty for thinking that. I shouldn’t be wondering about sex. Let alone sex with three men. I should be locked in a room crying. Stuck on that shower floor.

The trees flashed in my vision before as I stared out the window. Shame twisted my gut as I watched the scenery go by. A voice filtered through my mind. It called me a slut. Told me I wanted this brutality.

It was his voice in my head. It lashed into my barely healed scars. Ripped them open.

“It could be good for them to have someone.” Ivette interrupted my thoughts, making me flinch. Sometimes I’d get lost in my memories and forget I wasn’t trapped in that room. “But if there is going to be a chance, it would have to start with Reid, and that’s unlikely.”

“Why do you say that?”

Her mouth turned down. Sadness pulled on her features. “He’s got his own past. I don’t know if he’ll ever move on from that.”

That feeling was so familiar to me. I was in the middle of it. Hoping one day the pain wouldn’t cross my mind. Tear into my heart.

“He needs his brothers. They have a bond. He’s afraid of what will happen if they fall in love. He doesn’t want it to pull them away from each other.”

“I don’t want that either.”

I wasn’t looking for love or commitment. Wasn’t sure I could handle it. Or the looks in their eyes when they learned how tarnished I was. How I didn’t deserve their love.

She stopped at a red light, turning to stare at me. There was no judgment, only concern in her expression. “Are you sure you want this? It’s a lot after what you’ve been through.”

My head hit the seat as I glanced at her. Something in her gaze told me she might understand. And she wouldn’t use the truth against me. She was the first person I’d ever felt that way about. “They’re the only people I can trust.”

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