Page 52 of Fire

Will Nell hate me for not telling her the same day she moved in? Will it hurt her to learn I didn’t know she existed until we met at the foundation?

Being a parent means every choice I make affects my child, but I’ve only been a parent for a handful of days. I have no clue what I’m doing. What’s right. What’s wrong. Hell, I’ve not exactly been the best judge of that in my life, at least according to how comfortable I got in the principal’s office over the years.

I finish my work out and hit the showers, then lie back down in a bunk and stare at the ceiling.

* * *

Ivy

The next morning, Nell skips down the stairs, humming to herself while I cook up some One-Eyed Sailors—one of her favorite breakfasts. It’s basically eggs and toast, except I cut a circle into some bread, throw it in a pan with butter, then crack the egg inside so everything cooks together. She swears it tastes better because the “flavors get all jimbly-jambly” but I think the name makes her think of pirates.

“How’d you sleep, sweet girl?”

“Super duper great.” She peers into the pan then jumps up and down. “One-Eyed Sailors? I knew it was gonna be a good day!” She prances around the kitchen, humming a sea shanty I found on the internet the last time I made this for breakfast.

“You seem like you’re in a better mood.”

Nell pauses, eyeing me. “You know what? I am.”

“Feel like talking about what had you so quiet yesterday?” I slide the One-Eyed Sailor out of the pan onto a plate and place it on the table.

I wasn’t going to have breakfast today. With everything going on, I’ve been eating more than usual, and I could stand to cut back on the calories. But, the smell of butter, toast, and eggs is too much, and I put the pan back on the burner. Julian wouldn’t approve, but what Julian thinks doesn’t matter anymore. I’m hungry. The end.

Using the rim of a glass, I cut a circle out of a slice of bread. A quick check of the time says Micah will be home any minute, so I grab a few extra slices in case he’s hungry.

Nell takes a hearty bite, chewing happily. “Giuseppe said somethin’ weird yesterday.”

I crack an egg, my mom senses jumping to red alert. This Giuseppe kid might be harmless, but Nell takes everything he says a little too seriously. “Oh, yeah?”

“He said me and Micah look like twins.”

I freeze as the egg sizzles. “Did he now?”

“Which I thought was pretty silly. Right? Micah’s a grownup and I’m a kid. Twins aren’t like that.”

I bob my head, poking at the egg with my spatula. “That’s right. Twins are born at the same time. That was a pretty silly thing to say, wasn’t it?”

Nell’s quiet for all of two seconds and then, “Is Micah my daddy?”

The question hits me in the chest and the world slows to a halt. Of all the ways I anticipated talking to my daughter about her father, I never thought she’d put the pieces together herself. I turn to her, cocking my head as Grandma’s advice echoes in my mind.

Micah should have a say in how and when we tell Nell he’s her dad. He’s her parent too. If he’s not ready, then it’d be wrong of me to drop this in his lap. “What makes you ask that?”

“At first, when Giuseppe said I looked like him, I thought he was stupid. Micah has brown hair and I have white. He’s a boy. I’m a girl. How do we even look like each other?”

I nod.

“But he has brown eyes and I have brown eyes and you said I look just like my daddy except for my hair. I looked and looked and looked in the mirror and Micah and me do kind of look like each other.” She pauses to shove a bite into her mouth. “I’ll never tell Giuseppe though. He already thinks he knows everything.”

“I see.”

“And then, Micah likes strawberry ice cream and I like strawberry ice cream, and you said I was the best parts of my daddy…”

“A lot of people like strawberry ice cream, Nell.”

“When I told everyone at school he let us live here, everyone said it was weird, even Miss Wannamaker.”

I suck in my lips and check the time. How long until Micah comes home?

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