Page 11 of Fire

“I am home. This has always been home. And I told you…I need—”

“That is not your home. You belong with me. Nell belongs with me. We have a wedding to plan, Ivy. This little crisis of yours needs to come to an end. I’m doing everything I can to mitigate the fallout socially and with our parents, but frankly, I’m losing my patience. You’ve been gone too long as it is.”

“Julian…” My heart pounds so hard, my voice shakes.

This isn’t what love feels like.

“Ivy. This is enough. I’ve had enough. Your parents have had enough. You’ve put Nell through enough. It’s time to grow up and come home. Whatever you’re going through, it’s just cold feet. You know we’re great together.”

Tears well in my eyes and I swipe them away. “Why am I here, then? In the Keys? While you’re back there? In Seattle? If we’re so great together, why am I here?”

His sigh drips with condescension. “I don’t know, Ivy. Why are you in the Keys?”

Because love shouldn’t hurt. It shouldn’t make me doubt every decision I make. I shouldn’t spend an extra hour getting ready because I’m not sure which outfit you’d like the most. Because I can’t move without you chiming in on whether I did it right or not.

Because Mom married a man like that.

And Grandma married a man like that.

And maybe there’s a chance I don’t have to marry…you.

So Nell will never, ever feel the way I do.

I chew my lip. Is it finally time to say all that?

No. Not now. Not in the parking lot in front of the grocery store while the sky looks more ominous with every passing second.

“I don’t know, Julian. I’m just—”

“If you don’t know, who does?” The question is valid, but the contempt is not. Where’s the love in that voice? The softness? The understanding? “Who should know, if not you?”

I close my eyes. Pinch the bridge of my nose with shaking hands. This is too much. It took every ounce of courage to take Grandma up on her offer to move in with her.

To give myself a chance to breathe, she said.

To remember who I am and what I want before I walk down the aisle, she urged.

Chaotic decision or not, it was the right one, though everything’s been harder since I made it.

The day I moved out of my fiancé’s house, Dad made it clear I was putting him in an awkward position with his boss—who also happens to be Julian’s father. He swore he wouldn’t help me until I came to my senses, which wasn’t all that different from when he found out I was pregnant. Back then, he promised to provide everything I needed…except childcare or the money to fund it.

It seemed reasonable enough at first, especially because Mom promised to help, but Dad shut that down fast. Apparently, I needed a lesson in responsibility and step one was figuring out how to take care of my kid on my own.

As soon as Dad found out I was pregnant, he yanked me out of school and enrolled me in an online high school. He said it was to save me from being ridiculed, but I always thought it was more about his image than mine. Either way, I was ostracized. I had no one to watch Nell, which meant no job, then no college, which led to me being completely dependent upon first Dad, then Julian.

When Grandma invited me to stay with her, I plucked my daughter out of the only home she’s ever known and moved her to the opposite edge of the country without the means to support us.

Then the fire…

And then…Micah…

Standing there, covered in sweat and ash and smiling. Like he was glad to see me. Like he didn’t completely abandon me the second things got hard. And to drive home the point that I make bad decisions around men, every time he reached for me, I wanted to wrap myself in his arms. I wanted to feel the way I used to, like the whole world could fall to pieces around us and we’d be fine, because Micah and I were together.

As if all of that wasn’t enough to deal with, now this.

Julian barking at me while a storm brews and I have to get groceries with not enough money while waiting to find out if I qualify for housing assistance from a charity run by my ex-boyfriend’s family.

Panic rises in my chest, and I reach for the first excuse I find to end the call.

---