Page 51 of Along Comes Trouble

TESSA

T he drivefrom Ohio to South Carolina takes longer than I remembered. When I left Bliss in April, I was running toward my future. Now, I just feel like I’m running. It wasn’t even a year ago that I packed up my things, proud to move across the country and strike out on my own. Life changes so fast. One minute, you’re looking forward with stars in your eyes, the next, those stars crash into your head leaving you battered, bruised, and confused .

I love Colton and he loves me and still, I’m afraid that’s not enough to make us work. Is love enough? Can it bridge the gap between us? I honestly think it can, especially given the strength of my feelings for him. I’d give anything for some clarity .

I left Ohio bundled in a coat and hat, but the farther south I drive, gray skies give way to sunshine and I shed them like a second skin. I cried when Colton put my suitcase in the trunk and slammed the lid. Threw myself into his arms and sobbed, my tears too hot against my cold face. He held me tight but neither one of us had much to say. Goodbye seemed too final. I told him I loved him, and he pressed his lips to my forehead and said he loved me. I watched him through the rearview as I pulled away. He stood for a long time, his hands in his pockets, his hat pulled low over his eyes. For all I know, he might still be standing there, staring after me .

By the time I get to my parents’ house, I’m feeling stronger, though still a little confused. Nothing changes here. The couch, the color of the walls, my mom’s crazy obsession with decorative plates. It’s exactly the same as when I moved out after high school. The familiarity jars against the turmoil in my heart and my emotions careen from one extreme to the next. One moment, I’m ecstatic to be home, the next, I can’t think through my anxiety. It takes four days for my mom to pull me aside and ask me what’s wrong .

“I’ve tried to ignore it,” she says. “Figured you’d come to me when you’re ready, but I’m starting to think you’re never going to be ready. Something’s bothering you. I can see it. What’s wrong, Tess ?”

She makes me a cup of tea, which is her answer to everything. We sit at the kitchen table and I fill her in on everything that’s happening, wiping angrily at my tears the whole time. “And I love him, Mom. I really do. I just don’t know if we can ever be anything other than what we are. I want a big family. He’s from a big family and has some serious baggage because of it. He doesn’t want anything resembling permanence. Not kids. Not a house. How can we build a future on that ?”

Mom rests her hand on mine and gives it a pat. “The moment I met your dad, I knew he was the one for me. It was the strangest thing. I barely knew him, but in a deeper sense, I knew him. He and I have been on the same path, facing the same direction, wanting the same thing from day one. I know a lot of people talk about compromise being important in a relationship, but it seems to me that for compromise to truly work, neither person always gets what they want. Someone’s contstantly giving in to make the other person happy. Or, the whole relationship is lopsided, and one person gets everything they want while the other has to give up the things that matter to them. That’s no way to live a life, love. Forever is a long time to be in constant negotiations .”

I sip at my tea and frown as the bland liquid hits my tongue. “What are you saying ?”

My mom gives me a sad look and sighs into her mug. “I’m saying that you already know the right answer. Deep down. It’s there .”

“That’s the thing. The answer isn’t there. I love Colton and we’re good for each other. Deep down,” I say, throwing her words back at her, “I really believe we help each other to be a better version of ourselves. We’re so good together. We just see our futures going in vastly different directions .”

“Tell me this, then. If you love him so much, why are you here, crying with me, instead of spending the holiday with him ?”

I raise an eyebrow. “Because it’s Christmas and you asked me to visit ?”

My mom pats my knee. “You have the answer,” she says again and I stand, propelled into action by frustration .

I get the distinct impression she’s trying to make me think I should break things off with Colton and I utterly reject the idea. My hands ball into fists and I dig my nails into my palms. “I’m going to visit Ellie .”

My mom looks surprised. “Right now? But it’s Christmas Eve …”

“And I can’t believe I’ve been in town this long and haven’t seen her yet.” What I really mean to say is that I need space, but Mom would never understand. She thinks she’s handing down the best piece of advice she can, but she’s only confusing me more than anything. I need Ellie’s down to earth, no nonsense guidance more than my mom’s esoteric know thyselfbullshit .

I grab my keys and make the quick drive into the little strip of shops known as downtown Bliss. Even though it’s Christmas Eve, Ellie will be working at Good Beginnings, the coffee shop and bakery she runs with her husband, James. I don’t even have to call her to be sure. That’s just the kind of person she is .

The bells over the door jingle as I push inside, and the familiar scent of baked goods and coffee greet me. Ellie’s hunched over the counter, her wild curls obscuring most of her face. She looks up as the door closes and a smile blazes to life .

“No way!” She scurries out from behind the counter and wraps me in a giant hug. “I was starting to think you were going to ignore me the whole time you were here .”

I sigh. “You know how things are with my parents. They’ve had me engaged in activities from sunrise to sunset since I pulled into the driveway .”

Ellie takes one look at my face and frowns. “Okay. What’s wrong? And don’t you dare tell me nothing because the last time you looked like that was when you found out Peter Viteo was joking when he asked you to prom .”

“Ouch.” I put my hand to my heart in one of Colton’s favorite gestures. “You wound me,” I say, echoing his words. And then, for what feels like no reason at all, I start to cry .

Ellie leads me into her office, brings me a coffee and a blueberry muffin, and then listens as I explain everything yet again. “Everyone keeps telling me to listen to my gut, that the answer is buried deep down inside me somewhere, but it’s not. To me, it seems like both answers are right. There’s just as much reason to stay with him as there is to break it off .”

“Of course there is. The people telling you to stop thinking so much are either stupid, idealistic, or were lucky enough to meet the one person in the whole world who wants the exact same thing as they do. It doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful.” Ellie rolls her eyes and then pinches a bite off my muffin .

“It doesn’t ?”

“God no.” Ellie laughs. “Do you remember when I met James ?”

“How could I forget? He was such an asshole and his life was a complete disaster .”

“It was. And mine was, too. There were times when I thought he and I were totally wrong for each other, and that stupid jerk really made me wait for a proposal. We did everything backwards, but you know what ?”

“What?”

“I’m happier now than I ever dreamed possible. James is a great husband and a good father. He’s strong where I’m weak and together, we’re a force to be reckoned with .”

“That’s how I feel about Colton. But he’s so conflicted about family and I can’t imagine a future where I don’t become a mom.” I fill Ellie in on all the history. “And I know it’s weird to be worrying about a house and kids when Colton and I are just now falling in love, but it feels important to have this stuff figured out before we get too committed to each other, you know ?”

“I do know and you’re very right. Although, again, James and I didn’t have much of anything figured out before stuff got serious.” Ellie smiles. “Second sons are a weird bunch, Tess. They need a little time to find their place in the world. Give Colton some time. Some patience. Stop worrying about what might happen and focus on what is happening. Because from the sound of it, you have something pretty damn good .”

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