Page 36 of This Is Why

“How about you just tell me so I can decide for myself?”

She’s right. It’s time to stop dancing around the issue.

“I want you and Gabe to move to Hawaii. I scoped out some cheap apartments near the base. Or, if you want, you can just live with me. My house isn’t huge, but it’s not small and the three of us could fit there quite comfortably. You don’t have to worry about finding work right away, not unless you want to. I have more than enough money to support us regardless as to whether you choose to live in an apartment—which I would pay for, of course—or come stay withme.”

Lexi sinks back into her chair, her mouth hanging open. “You want me to move to Hawaii?”

I nod. “Verymuch.”

“I can’t do that. What about myjob?”

“You can get a new one out there. Nurses are always needed and maybe you can get a job as a civilian nurse on base.” So far, she’s reacting exactly the way I expected her to react. She herself mentioned her resistance to change, her fear of messing with what’s working fine in case everything comes crashing down around her. If I can help her see past the fear, she’ll see what a great opportunity this is for all ofus.

Outside, a cloud covers the sun and the entire kitchen darkens as Lexi’s mouth forms a grim line. “What about Gabe’s school? His friends?”

“The schools out there are good and he can make new friends. Plus, there’s the added educational benefit of seeing a different part of the world and learning about a new culture. Has he ever been to the beach before?” I wait for her to shake her head. “This way he’ll get to grow up near one,” Iadd.

“And what about my family? Mymom?”

I don’t have a great answer for that one. “There’s always Skype.”

“What about the fact that you and I have only known each other for a few days? What if I quit my job and sell my house and thoroughly piss off my mom and my friends by moving to the other side of the world only to discover that you and I aren’t a match made in heaven? Whatthen?”

“What if we are a match made in heaven?”

She folds her arms over her chest. “I can’t make a decision this big based off whatif.”

“I know I’m asking for a lot and that’s scary, but I believe what you and I have is worthit.”

Lexi studies me for a long time. “What if I asked you to quit the Marines and move here? This house is small, but we’d be comfortable. Gabe could stay in his school and keep his friends and not suffer through a lot of upheaval.” Her voice is quiet and her eyes aresad.

Quit the Marines? The thought never crossed my mind. Not once. Her question is fair. I’m asking her to uproot her entire life for us, it’s only right that we consider uprooting my life, too. But what am I if not a Marine? She could get a new nursing job anywhere and be comfortable after a few weeks’ transition. But me? What would I even do as a civilian? How would I make a living and provide for this family?

I stare into her eyes and feel a rift open up between us. I hate it. “That’s a good question and fair of you toask.”

“But you can’t imagine life outside of the Corps.”

I smile sadly. “I never have. Not until this very moment.” So now what? Are we truly in an impossible situation? One where one of us has to give up everything to be with the other? Would I change everything I am for her? For Gabe? For the two of them together? Will she do it for me? Is this all there ever is for us? A few days spent together with an entire continent and most of an ocean separating us for the rest of our lives?

---