Page 34 of This Is Why

TY

I’mup before Gabe and Lexi is up shortly after that. By the time the boy wanders into the kitchen, his eyes bleary from sleep and his hair sticking up wildly from his head, we’re halfway through a pot of coffee. There’s a pot of oatmeal simmering on the stove. Simple and satisfying. I give Lexi props for teaching the kid to appreciate nutritiousfood.

“Morning sleepyhead.” Lexi scoots her chair back and smiles. “Ready for some breakfast?”

Gabe rubs his eyes. “What are you doing up already? I thought you were off work today.”

“I am.” Lexi pulls a bowl down from the cabinet. “Brown sugar or blueberries in your oatmeal?”

“Blueberries.” Gabe slides up onto the seat next to me. “Morning, Ty.”

“Morning, buddy.”

The day I prepared for my first mission, I was a nervous wreck. My hands wanted to shake and if I stopped thinking about controlling it even for a minute, they did. My mind kept wandering down a million anxiety-riddled paths. I had to force myself to eat. To talk. To smile. Of all the days in my life, I’d say that was one of my worst, a day I was just barely able to get control of myself.

Until today.

We’re going to tell Gabe I’m his father this morning. I have no idea what to expect. Okay. Let me take that back. I have some idea what to expect because I started Googling the best ways to introduce a parent to an older child the moment I realized that I was the parent of an older child. My research brought up very few definitive answers about how to approach the situation because each child reacts differently. Some take it in stride and some very much do not take it in stride. I spent a good portion of last night trying to put myself in his shoes and aside from being a cute little badass when I was his age, I don’t remember enough about that time to know how I would handleit.

And so, rather than spend a whole day worrying about it, I asked Lexi if we could tell him first thing. Just rip off the bandage and get it over with so we all can start carving out our new normal. She made me promise to wait until after he had breakfast but gave me the go ahead. We are officially one blueberry-speckled oatmeal away from the truth.

I refill my coffee while I wait for the boy to eat. What Lexi doesn’t know is that I had an idea about what our future looks like while she was asleep. As soon as we’ve gotten through the Gabe thing, she and I are going to have a little chat of our own. I promised her last night that I would solve the problem of our long-distance relationship and I did. The solution is extreme but it’s solid. Extreme times call for extreme measures and damn if discovering I have a family waiting for me in Ohio doesn’t fall into that category.

Gabe eats his oatmeal and his face becomes more expressive as he continues to wake up. “I told Terrence about that stuff you taught me with the football.”

“Yeah? Was he duly impressed?”

“Not really. He rolled his eyes and told me everyone already knew how to dothat.”

“That’s just jealousy, my little friend. But don’t you worry. I’ll teach you some more stuff that will have him calling you the Master of Football before you knowit.”

Gabe scrapes his spoon around his bowl and pops the last bite of oatmeal in his mouth. “That was good, Mom. Thanks.” He gathers his bowl and puts it on the counter.

“Have a seat, would you?” Lexi smiles at her son. “We want to talk to you about something.”

Gabe pinches his eyebrows together. “Am I in trouble?”

“No, no. Nothing like that.” She pulls out his chair and gestures for him to sit. “But it’s kind of a big deal and I want you to listen and ask as many questions as you can thinkof.”

Gabe nods and sits. Holy shit. Here we are. Part of me wants to just blurt it out. I’m your dad! But I think maybe this conversation needs a little more finesse thanthat.

Lexi takes a long breath and sucks in her lips. “Remember how I always said your dad was a war hero and he’s gone a lot fighting badguys?”

Gabe looks at his mom long and hard and then his attention whips to me. He’s a smart kid and I can see the puzzle pieces fitting together for him. The real question is, how is he going to takeit?

Gabe holds my focus for a long time and then a slow smile washes across his face. “Forreal?”

Lexi nods. “Forreal.”

“Like Ty is my dad? For real?” Gabe looks so happy it fills my heart until I think it’s going to burst from my chest.

Lexi smiles, her eyes brimming with tears. “Gabe, I’d like you to meet your father.” She takes my hand and a lump forms in my throat.

Gabe turns to me. “I kinda already knew it wasyou.”

All my anxiety falls away. I clear my throat and lean forward. “Oh yeah? What clued youin?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know. I just knew I guess.”

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