Page 33 of This Is Why

Ty cradlesme to his chest and I soothe myself by listening to the rhythmic beating of his heart. “It’s so good to be here with you,” he says. “It’s like a little slice of heaven inside this crazy world of ours.” Ty’s voice rumbles in his chest.

I take a long breath and close my eyes. Part of me wants to just nod and agree with him, but I’ve never been one to put my head in the sand and ignore a problem. Nothing gets better simply because you refuse to look at it. “How many days until you have to leave?”

Ty sighs. “Two.”

The word is a vice grip around my heart. Two days. Two days until he’s gone. Two days to figure out what our future looks like. Two days to decide what to tell Gabe and how to tell Gabe and how we’re supposed to move forward fromthis.

“I wish you didn’t have to go.” I make the statement as nonchalantly as I can, but tears prick at my eyes regardless. I blink until they’re gone and swallow back the well of emotion that brought them to life in the first place.

“Me, too.” Ty runs a hand through my hair. “And that’s saying something because Brookside ain’t got nothing on Hawaii.”

He’s trying to be lighthearted, but I’m not in the mood to laugh about any of this. “What are we going todo?”

Ty shifts out from underneath of me and props himself up on his elbow. “I don’t know, but that won’t last long. I’m pretty good about finding answers for impossible situations.” He touches a finger to my nose. “Don’t you worry about a thing.”

I sit up. “Don’t worry? How can you even say that? Short of you moving back here—which is a problem because there isn’t a base anywhere close—or me moving out to Hawaii—which is a problem because of my job and Gabe and school and oh yeah, you and I barely know each other…” I shake my head and let out a long, calming breath. As much as I don’t want to talk about this, it’s past time we had an open discussion about our future. “I can’t imagine going back to living without you and yet, I can’t imagine how I get to keep you either.”

Ty smiles. “I’ll find away.”

“That’s great. You can say that as often as you want, but I’m still going to ask you how you intend to find a way.” I keep my voice soft and my face light so he knows I’m not trying to fight with him, but I’m not in the mood for platitudes and bedtime stories, either. I want a solution. I need a plan. “I’ll take action over hope any day,” Isay.

“I have forty-eight hours to figure it out and in my line of work, that’s a goddamn eternity. Trust me, Lexi. I will take care of this. Iwill.”

He sounds so sure of himself, I almost do trust him. “I’m a pretty smart woman and am a decent problem solver, and I can’t come up with anything that isn’t a lot of phone sex, Skype calls, and way too many thirteen-hour plane rides.”

Ty’s mouth forms a grim line. “And I agree that none of that is enough to build a real relationship on. I want more than the bare minimum with you. What we have is worth more than that. Just give me some time to figure it out.” He grins down at me, that smile I can’t ignore. “I will figure itout.”

I don’t know what to say, so I open my mouth and blurt out the one thing I don’t expect to hear coming out of my mouth. “I think we should tell Gabe you’re hisdad.”

Ty’s eyes go wide. “Whoa. Really? Where did that comefrom?”

“I’ve been thinking about everything you said and it’s not ideal—you popping into his life for a week only to have to leave again—but neither is the way we’ve been living. And, since you’re going to figure out a way for us to see each other more than once in a blue moon, I think Gabe will be better off knowing where he came from and why you aren’t here with us all thetime.”

A rush of emotions cloud Ty’s face. Joy mixed with pain and excitement and trepidation. “Are yousure?”

“I am. I thought I’d fight you tooth and nail on this one, but the answer is crystal clear to my heart and my gut. It’s only my head that keeps trying to come up with reasons to keep him in thedark.”

Ty’s face clouds over. “I’d like it better if zero parts of you kept trying to come up with reasons to keep Gabe in thedark.”

I take his hand. “That’s fear and nothing else.” I tap my head. “Fear is my worst enemy and I will resist change with the best of them right up until the point where I make myself do the thing my heart and my gut know is right. That’s just life with me. A lot, and I mean a lot, of stubborn resistance, even against what I know is right. Because fear. Obviously.”

“I don’t like the thought of you being afraid.” Ty rubs his thumb along my knuckle. “What makes you scared?”

I flop back on the bed and pull the sheets up around me. “Things are good now, right? They’re not perfect, but they’re far from bad. And one small change might send the whole world toppling down around me. I understand that’s a terrible way to live my life, settling for fine when I could have great.”

“Did you just call me great?” Ty stretches out beside me. “Because I think, given everything we’ve been talking about, you just called me great.” He turns to face me, smilingwide

“I did. You are. I was thinking it just the other day. Gabe and I have been okay up to this point. In fact, before you came crashing into our life, I would have said what he and I have was perfect. We’re both happy and healthy. I have a good job and he does well in school. What more could I really ask for, you know? But then you came a long and showed me how much we were missing out on.” I shift so I can look him in the eyes. “Like, you can raise someone underground and he will be happy for all of his life, watching the flickering of the fire on the cave walls and calling it beautiful. And he might die happy, never knowing what he was missing up on the surface. But the moment he stepped outside and saw the blue sky and the swaying trees, the moment he felt the warmth of the sun on his skin, he could never be satisfied with his dark cave ever again. You’re our blue sky, Ty,” I say, smiling and blinking back tears.

“Damn, Lex. You know how to make a guy feelgood.”

“I’m not trying to make you feel good, silly. I’m trying to share my innermost thoughts with you. If they happen to make you feel good, then I consider that bonus points.”

Ty rolls over on top of me. “I’ve got something I’d like to share with you.” He uses his knees to spread my legs and pushes the hard bulge of his erection againstme.

“I’m in a very sharing mood,” I say, running my hands up my arms and lacing them behind hishead.

“Good. Because I’m going to give you everything I have andmore.”

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