Fuck.
I pressed a fist to my mouth. Everything Erebus told me was true. But—it changed nothing.
I couldn't give up Kaida. I kept walking, ignoring the pain that shot through me with every step.
CHAPTER NINE
My mates couldn't see the magic twisted around my ankle, but they knew something was wrong. They watched me like a pack of hawks every time I got to my feet, and it was no different when I got up to pee this time. Kai and Harvey were beside me in an instant, rushing to grab an arm each to support me.
"I can walk to the bathroom without serious injury," I drawled, giving them an annoyed look. It was sweet the first three times they swarmed me, but my patience had run out. I threw Emlyn a look for intervention, but his blue eyes were narrowed on me, watching my every move.
"Serious injury," Kai echoed, a fierce light in his red eyes. "I won't risk even minor injury, my rose. We're coming with you."
"To the bathroom," I repeated, so they knew just how bizarre they were being.
A memory flashed, my own voice sounding through my head.
Listen, Kai. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. You can come watch me pee with Harvey if you want, I don’t care. Just tell me what you need, because I’m not going fucking anywhere.
I swallowed the sudden lump in my throat, deluged with memories of how my mates were wrecked after my death. How, deep down, I knew they were still wrecked even if we were safe here in this timeline.
It's not real.
Fuck you, Erebus, it's real to me.
"Wait," Wane said suddenly, jerking to his feet with Kaida in his arms, her delicate wing draped over his forearm. I blinked, and that forearm was scarred all over, my name carved into his bronze skin in a patchwork of pain and defiance and unending love. I blinked again, and it was unmarred. "What is that?"
"What?" Emlyn growled, the noise coming from deep in his throat as he shot to his feet, our casual evening falling apart.
"Around your ankle, itzaia. What is that?"
"Nothing," I answered quickly, hurrying out of the room and to the stairs. Fuck, why didn't we have a downstairs bathroom I could escape into? We'd had one in—in the safehouse Wyn took us to in Hell, before we went to break Renna out of prison. Was she safe? Or had she been killed by Cronus? Pain twisted in my chest, joining the agony in my ankle, and I knew my mates felt it because they cornered me by the staircase, blocking off my access.
Even in this fake timeline, they were good mates. Amazing mates. I sniffled, tears lining my eyes. "Don't," I warned them, unable to look anyone in the eye. "We'll lose everything. So just … forget what you saw."
My eyes went to Kaida in Wane's arms, and a tear rolled down my cheek.
"What's going on?" Harvey asked, a tremor going through his wings. "Haley?"
I shook my head. Please. I can't lose this life. I don't want to.
"It's not real, is it?" Verena's voice cut through the momentary silence, and I flinched like I'd been shot. This hurt as much as when Locke actually shot me. I couldn't take my eyes off Kaida, even if Erebus's words about Verena ran through my mind.
She was always meant to be ours, no matter what timeline we were in.
"None of this," she went on, her voice quiet, scared, "the house, the happily ever after shit, the safety. Probably none of you."
"We're real," I disagreed, and swallowed the lump in my throat. "Most of us."
"Shit," Emlyn breathed, and knocked Wynvail aside so he could wrench me into a viciously tight hug. My belly pressed against his, still swollen from carrying our daughter, and she wasn't even real.
Tears overflowed, carving hot tracks down my cheeks, and I knew Em understood because he swore again, soft and raw, and lowered his head to rest against mine.
"We've been here before, Hales," he said, so gentle that every word hurt.
"No," I argued, the sound coming from deep in my throat. "No."
"If it—if this place isn't real, it's controlled by—" He growled, unable to finish, the name wiped from his head.