Page 89 of Bride of Choice

“Kills him?” he mumbled softly.

“Well, technically them,” I corrected, feeling stupid as I shoved my hands onto my hips and tried to look tough with my legs dangling midair.

Plopping me down on my feet, Bum-bum stared down at me from his full, towering height. His mouth screwed up like maybe he was mad but it was all wrong. It looked funny, overdone. Dude bro looked like he was pinching one in. “And what they gone?” he rumbled down at me, mimicking my hands on the hips stance.

Leaning in, I poked him once square in the chest hard, twice. “If I find out you laid one finger on my males’ multipersonalitied head, I’m gonna have your fat noggin mounted on my wall, come next crazy snowfall. I promise you that. You think your bone decorating is bad, babes, just try me.”

Motioning him to move the fuck aside, I smiled inwardly when he did, looking so adorably befuddled that if I wasn’t worried he was a serial killer it might actually be kinda cute.

“Cau-dull mon-stare broken. Bad male. Not goot mate,” Bum-bum grunted out as I tried to unlock the door and failed.

“Watch your mouth. That’s my man you’re talking about, and it’s not for you to fucking say,” I snapped at him, glaring at him from over my shoulder as I kept trying to work the door. Stupid door, stupid males thinking they know better! I paused as the thought occurred to me. “He has that thingy Gopher has going on, doesn’t he? The lavastankyvitch thing— don’t they? That’s why they left me.”

Bum-bum let out a sigh of relief as he reached over and unlocked the door for me. “Jes. No goot mates. Bad mates. No wants. Want-”

With a squeal that drowned out his little speech, I did a hop jump to reach his chin and jerk him down to me, and planted one on him that blew his mouth-to-mouth press-it-to-me-sessitation to shame. “Thanks, Hector! That’s exactly what I needed to hear!”

Cuddles hadn’t left me because he didn’t want me. He was worried he couldn’t be a good mate to me! It all made perfect sense now!

Rushing off, I spun back around. “The Krampus was absolutely nowhere in sight?”

Rubbing at his lips, swallowing thickly, pupils all blown to shit, he grunted a yes.

“And you swear you didn’t kill Cuddles?” I walked back to ask.

Hah. Next time I wanted answers, I should kiss the shit out of him first. Though… that wouldn’t really help my case with Kirch and Rek saying I’m all up in the touches and feelies. Ugh. Assholes.

Shaking his head wildly, Bum made funny grunting noises.

My nose crinkled, expression scrunching up in thought. “They can shed their horns?” I blurted.

Miming pulling horns off, Bum-bum nodded. He was still looking loopy from me laying one on him.

“He just gave them to you?” So they were friends, then?

“Pick up off ground,” Bum-bum grunted out.

“Oh.” Well, there were all my answers, then. “Well, thanks heaps for all your help! You rock, Hector!”

Like calling him Hector was the secret word to bring him back around, he grumbled, “Not name.”

“I can’t just call you Grr-Arggh. How do I know if I’m even saying it right?” I laughingly called after him.

“Feets naiked-ed,” he called after me.

“I’m headed for my boots right now!” I pointed out, starting to jog away.

“No runs! Joadknee gets hurts!” he growled out softly.

“It’s only running if I’m winded,” I shot back as I disappeared around the side of a hut.

My feet were already pricking with pain, causing me to pick up my pace.

The thudding of heavy stomps behind me had me whirling around, wishing I hadn’t wasted all of my heavy duty shit on the early days of Yetified living. Now I had only one can of pepper spray that worked properly left and I meant to make that shit count. Spying the beast coming, I relaxed as a big, white, fluffy bulldozer came charging at me.

“I wasn’t running!” I swore, as Bum-bum rushed me, scooped me up, tossed his woven blanket over me, making sure it covered my feet, all in one fell swoop, and toted me off to Bia’s.

“See, this is the stuff. This shit right here. The chivalry,” I bullshitted. “It really fucks with a girl’s head.”

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