Page 71 of Bride of Choice

Rek.

So relieved it was my own personal pain in the ass and not a Krampus looking for his hunt pick, I blew out a deep breath and collected myself.

No matter how calm and collected I appeared on the outside, I still had a mini internal jump scare when he popped out from his hiding spot.

“Where Jojoknee go?! Rek looks all overs for you! Rek say where Jojo, no one say! Say hut brokens. No works. Jojo no’ home. Where go, hmm? See walks ‘round one day, gone next. Where? Where go Rek no know, no find?” the spicy tempered headache burst out as he shot out from the side of some rando’s hut. How did he just spend all his damn time doing that, the waiting to jump out thing, I wondered.

Kooky was a bit of a creature of habit. Of course Rek would eventually catch on to my trips to the village following a pattern.

“Rek say where Jojoknee, Rothy’s mates say, Jo fine. Jo safe. Jo good. What Jo need be safe, fine, good from?!”

“Not that it’s any of your business,” I muttered, glad I’d held back the shocked eep I’d wanted to let out, resisting the urge to pummel him with my purse or the basket of goodies I’d brought along with, I was feeling that generous, “just as I’ve told you before, I’m staying with a… friend for a while. My hut is temporarily out of use, and until I can make use of it again, I come to town for drop ins. They have a life, you know.”

I had to admit, it felt good to hear he cared. Rosa was none the wiser of what I was up to, not that I gave her any clue anything was up. She was a busy mama, and it worked to my advantage. Booger didn’t think much of my comings and goings, but we were not codependent on one another either. It wasn’t that kinda friendship.

Gopher was the pinch in all of this, but I didn’t want to talk about it.

“What friend? Who friend? No smells like friends. Smells like tatocorns. Horned babies, like Jojoknee likes. Jojoknee stays with horny head with tatocorns?” Rek demanded to know.

Stopping mid stride, headed for a weaver, hoping to find someone willing to trade some baked goodies for a good bit of cloth I’d be needing, I gave the male hounding me like a dog with a bone a dirty look. No. That wouldn’t do. This needed a firmer touch.

“You lost the right to know any pertinent information about me the second you started trying to trap me,” I told him. Lifting my hand, I moved fast, flicking him on the forehead. Rek yowled, clapped his hands to his boo-boo, yet doggedly followed after me.

“Jojoknee no haves male. Bad female. Warriors no want bad female…” I could make out him muttering under his breath.

It pinched, as it always did, but it didn’t hurt me nearly as much as it used to. I wasn’t a bad female. I had value. I knew a male who thought I was good, and fun, and funny.

“You need a new hobby, bleach-squatch. Joanie’s field of fucks is growing pretty barren.” My hand lifted and I waved him off over my shoulder.

“Rek’s fucks gone. Takes away,” Rek groused and bitched quietly, sulking like a toddler, at my back.

“I heard there’s a plant like aloe. Go milk it for some self-love goo and have at it, Fuzzenstein. Or, you know, treat all those sore ass burns with it, King Butt Hurt.” With that, leaving him sputtering and grumbling in my wake, I smiled and greeted the group of weavers gathered at market, and asked about my proposal.

Disappointment filled me when each and every weaver turned me down. Enthusiasm dimming but still hopeful, I thanked each of them for their time as politely as I could manage and went on my way. Screw it. I’d sacrifice some of my older duds if need be. Between mending my own clothes, a few necessity hand me downs from Dorothy, I was sitting pretty with some clothing items to spare. But still, this was bull crap.

“No deal with no mated female. Think Jojoknee-”

“Would you just shut the hell up with the bad female shit?! For once?!” I burst out, whirling on the green jelly filled dingus. He was still harping on me with this shit, and yet neither of us were reaping the benefits of the other aspect of our relationship because there wasn’t one. Not anymore. ARGH.

I was beginning to understand just how trying he came across to others— none of them were getting the good stuff from the idiot on the down low on the side. THIS is what they were getting, a nagging, jealous fishwife you weren’t beholden to with Energizer bunny energy and no benefits. My god!

Rek blinked and stared at me, lips parting, green eyes widening in disbelief. His gaze darted about like he was checking to make sure there weren’t too many witnesses to my outburst. I just didn’t fucking care anymore, not right now.

“Good googly moogly,” I ranted on, “you’re such a nag! I’m bad! I’m horrible! No one in their right mind would want me!” I railed on, waving my claws about. “We know! WE KNOW! Well, you know what? Somebody- someone is going to see me, think I’m the best fucking thing since sliced bread, and toss a damn pelt around me! And you know what I’m going to say to you, King Douche?! In. Your. Face!”

“Ho! Jo!” Booger called out, lifting his arm up and waving over the milling crowd fluttering from section to section, spotting me in the distance.

Rek was still making spluttering noises, his face turning a funny color. If he didn’t start breathing soon I was going to have to smack him one and hope it restarted his brain.

One thwack and the fool blurted, “No dude-shh king! No- No that thing you say! No in face!”

My hand waved, flapping about his face without actually coming into contact with it. “Right. Okay. Whatever. Shh. Mama’s gonna have some grownup time now with a big boy who doesn’t make her want to snatch them bald.”

“Rek snatch Rek bald, Jojo so loud- mean,” Rek grumbled, batting my hand away.

“Booger!” I called back, ignoring my ex headache, and reciprocated his Here I am wave.

Leaving Rek to bitch at me, sulk off, follow after me needlessly, you know, wherever the wind may take him, I rushed to catch up to my barbecue sauce chugging buddy. “I’d hug you, big guy, but I know it would get people talking,” I greeted him, smirking when he chuffed out a laugh but agreed. Yeah. Didn’t want any more of that. “Was it the crazy lady rambling or the shriek screeching that clued you in to my sudden and fabulously timed appearance this fine, sunshiny day?” I joked.

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