Convincing myself I just needed time in the end, and space, to work through all of this, I focused on just that, putting time and space between me and all of the things that hurt me.
A week on this train of thought and unhinged reasoning, excuses to huddle in on myself it was more like, become a hermit woman who only allowed their cousin and our thirdie into my inner circle, I was utterly convinced this was the way to go.
It was why, despite how heavy my heart was feeling about all of this, I told myself hardening it was the only way.
When Celuk tried to see me, I wasn’t home. When Odix stopped by, I was conveniently unavailable.
My fancy new front door was unbustdownable. Tor had put that one to the test.
I had to do this. I had to protect myself and them.
I was broken, and all of this would only end in heartbreak.
It was the coward’s way out, but I’d penned a letter to each of them and with the help of Rosa, who by my wishes had asked Doogie to deliver my messages to each of them and in the event they couldn’t read English read my missive out loud, I’d broken up with all of them.
Well, except for Gopher, who was having some kind of crisis at his birth home, according to Doogie, who shuddered when asked to go out there and deliver it to him.
Waiting an additional month before daring to show my face in public, I’d grown oddly agoraphobic about leaving my hut at this point.
The fear of running into Rek and his… person, or any of my exes, appealed to me about as much as the idea of yanking my toe nails off with pliers.
Yet here I was, by Rosa and Mal’s encouragement, smiling down into sweet little faces as Rosa’s rambunctious boys made their fruit pieces dance in front of me and Kehko sang to go along with it.
My hair must look a fright with all the tiny bows Kehko was putting in it, but she’d looked aghast to find her fun auntie cousin looking pale, plain faced, not a stitch of makeup on or my nails done up to perfection, hair styled, nothin’, in sight.
I honestly didn’t feel like doing much of anything and I wasn’t eager to explain it.
Depression is an asshole.
My gaze rarely darted from our party. Mal’s girls were too cute for words. It was a treat watching them discover everything around them as we lounged picnic style outside.
All of Rosa’s mates had come out today, as well as Mal’s guys. The whole gang was here.
They’d picked a spot they felt was less known, so we wouldn’t be disturbed.
Every time I tried to relax I’d immediately tense right back up. I couldn’t help it.
Dorothy and her mates and sons showing up suddenly, unannounced, had Rosa and Mal staring at her in surprise.
Rosa glanced up at her mates, who each slightly shook their heads.
Booger looked to Mal and began to shake his head wildly like, hell, it was not me.
Khri was oddly quiet, staring down at his baby girl in his arms as if he was too engrossed in her to pay anyone any mind.
“Traitor,” I thought I heard Rosa mutter.
Mal’s cheeks flushed as she darted a look at Rosa and then her male and her face pulled into a frown.
“Celuk not come,” he said with a shrug, mumbling the words softly for his mate.
“It’s fine,” I murmured, though I had to swallow past the thickness in my throat to get the words out.
“You’re sure?” Rosa reached over to pat my hand.
Kehko glanced from her mama to me, then her grandmother. I smiled brightly, as if nothing was amiss. “Of course.”
“I go say hi, Mama?” Kehko whisperingly asked Rosa, picking up on the tension between the adults.