Page 283 of Bride of Choice

Feeling on edge, wanting nothing more than a moment alone to just- to just- I don’t know- Think! I scrubbed at my face and a frustrated sound left me.

“No’ helping,” Jeh-kal called out to Odix.

“You no’ help,” Odix shot back, marching out the door to shake a finger at Jeh-kal, who was apparently sitting just outside my door, his long legs sprawling out as he gave them a good stretch.

“That you axe. You give my Jojo? You say, here, go kills Rek, Crude-hellas him? Hm? What then? Jojo loves Rek dummy head. Hurts him, hurts her! You stupid dummy head!”

“I wish everyone would just go…” I mumbled, my internal filter unhinging.

Whatever else Odix was going to say as Jeh-kal started to growl cut off at my words.

Staring at my hands as they fell into my lap, I sighed, groaned, and grimaced anew. “I- I think…” Stealing a peek at Celuk, whose sole focus was on me, I blurted, “I think I just need some time alone.” Taking several deep breaths, I elaborated, “I’m all over the place. I have no idea what to say, think, feel, past the hurt and the anger. I’m dying to take it out on everyone around me. I’m struggling to hold back.” My voice broke, causing me to pause and take several deep breaths before continuing. “I would really appreciate it if you would all just give me some time to process.”

When it looked like nobody was going to fucking move, I bit out through gritted teeth as the anger and tears I was barely holding back welled, “Please.”

Celuk stood with a short, jerky nod and, grabbing Odix on his way, walked right out my door.

Rushing to the threshold right after them, I closed and locked the door behind them.

Stumbling back to my bed, I sat there wondering what the fuck I was going to do.

How the hell was this my life?! What the hell happened?

I couldn’t stay here. The chances of running into Rek were astronomical. He looked like he was in no mood to avoid me, either, increasing those odds. Plus, if the idiot felt like “explaining” himself, if only to assuage his guilty conscience, he knew exactly where I lived and it wasn’t all that far from his place.

“Fuck,” I muttered, standing to grab empty bags and suitcases to stuff them with all of my things.

By the time I was done, there was nothing left. I’d cleaned my place out.

A sharp knock at my door as I prepared to leave, no real idea where the fuck I actually intended to go in mind, just far, far away from Rek and his betrayal, had me freezing in place.

This was also just as much because of how much I didn’t trust myself not to hunt down a sharp pointy thing and go after him again, and I knew it.

Distance. Time. Find some way to get out the anger, hurt, rage, and if I was lucky work past it with minimal bloodshed.

But why? Why did he do it?! Why?!!

Everything I’d thought or didn’t, I was questioning EVERYTHING.

“Jo? Joans? Joanie?” Rosa’s rapid-fire knocking had the icy dread filling me at that first sharp rap melting.

“Do you hear anything?” I thought I heard Mal whisper from the other side of the door.

I barely got the door open before the tears spilled and the blubbering began.

“Oh, Joans,” Rosa murmured, practically charging me to grab me up in a hug.

Mal closed the door and set down her purse, rushing in on that hugging me business.

“I don’t know what happened,” I blubbered. “I don’t- I don’t know… what I did wrong.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong!” Mal was quick to chime in.

“I know what happened.” Rosa had a growl in her voice. “He’s a selfish asshole and you did NOTHING wrong! If he was unhappy, he should have grown a pair like a real male, spoken up, or if he was so damn unhappy, not bullshit you and be real about it, not show up with some- some stranger and a mouth full of excuses!”

“He’d seemed so happy, barring a few incidences, and we- I- We were trying for a baby,” I admitted.

Pulling back, I swiped at my eyes repeatedly, struggling to get a damn grip. I was reduced to a watering pot for a guy that clearly wasn’t worth it, but someone tell that to the organ he’d just punched a hole through.

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