And just like that, he took the bait.
Chapter 8
The Viper
My head is a literal mess right now. I've shared more with Ellis today than with anyone outside of my therapist in years. Sure, I have my best friends, but even some of the strongest relationships have their limits.
Charlie and Mason have shared some of their darkest secrets with me, and as their friend I got a front-row seat to the shit show that was their life, but when it comes to my own darkness, I shove it down deep and tuck it away.
Unlike physical scars that leave a mark, mental ones can be masked. No one has to know you suffered, and because they don't see, they don't know it exists. I've kept my woes to myself. After all, some people have had it much worse than me. People look at me and see my privilege. They don't see my pain because people like me aren't allowed to have it. Money solves everything, or at least that's what I'm told.
I knew coming back here wasn't going to be easy. In choosing to be with someone, I know there are concessions I must make. It's part of the territory, but I guess I wasn't prepared for this. In the time we spent apart, he was alone with his thoughts; he had time to reflect on us and what may or may not be, and I can't say that I fully comprehend where his mind is. Last night, he wouldn't have sex with me. He told me the next time we slept together, it would be how it was always meant to be, and the man has been nothing but cryptic ever since.
All afternoon, I could tell something was weighing heavily on his mind. In my efforts to try and fix us, or what I thought I had broken, I gave him all the pieces I held close to my heart. I keep my pain close for fear that no one could possibly understand, or if they did, it wouldn't be enough to justify the person I am. We talked, and I felt a genuine connection on a level deeper than anything we've shared thus far. Sure, Ellis and I are extremely attracted to one another, and our sexual chemistry is off the charts, but the mental piece has been missing. At least for me anyway.
But now, as I sit replaying all of the day's conversations, I feel like I was doing all the talking. I was divulging all my deepest secrets, and where I thought we were both sharing, as I look back, I realize it was only me. I was the only one letting someone in. If anything, I'm more confused about the man I'm falling for.
That's why, tonight I'm going to dinner with a plan. Ellis might think he has the upper hand and that he'll only cave when he's ready, but I know his weakness. Hell, it's any man's weakness. There's only so much taunting they can take before they give in.
I will get my confessions; the ones I thought I would get this afternoon. Ellis wants me to confess and show him my heart so that we can move forward, but he needs to do the same. So, as I finish swiping on my bright red lip gloss, I fluff my long, soft curls and check my reflection in the mirror one more time before pulling out the plug I found in the closet earlier. Ellis has an ass fetish, and mine happens to be my best asset, literally. I'm not well-endowed in the breast department, but I have plenty of junk in the trunk.
Bending over, I place the emerald-green plug in, and I can't help but clench with excitement as I do. There is no chance that this man will deny me tonight. When I found the drawer with the plug, I considered that maybe it wasn't for me. It could have been used on other partners, but Ellis is nothing if not intentional. When he had my clothes delivered this morning, he had them placed in the closet on the same side that housed the drawer of toys I found. The man knew I would snoop, and if that wasn't enough of a clue, the plug's color was. It's an emerald. My birthday is in May, and it is the same color as the dress I was wearing the night we hooked up for the first time. It's for me, and tonight I will use it to get what I want.
* * *
The wine is starting to get to me. I had one too many glasses before the start of dinner. This afternoon was spent lounging in the great room with Ellis and walking the property. I thought we were alone. I had no idea Sebastian was still here. After last night, I assumed he would have left the first chance he got. While I know he is hellbent on separating Ellis and me, I assumed his desire to go after Sayward was greater. His confession explained the purpose of his time in San Jose. I thought his need for revenge outweighed his hate for me, but I was mistaken.
"Excuse me. I'm going to use the restroom."
I'd like to excuse myself from the remainder of dinner, but I also don't care to face the fallout. I shouldn't be complaining. So far, Sebastian has been quiet, but that's the problem. The silence amongst all of us has become deafening. As I stand up from my chair, I realize my choice of outfit and accessory couldn't have been worse. I look every bit the harlot Sebastian accuses me of being. I'm wearing a cream-colored slip dress that barely covers my ass and has a slit up the side, and of course, I chose to wear it with no panties or bra. My nipples were completely erect the entire first course. Every time I move, the plug in my ass makes me clench. I'm positive my face is completely flushed from the arousal that's been slowly building since I left my room.
"Grab some clothes while you are at it," Sebastian mocks. He hasn't said a word since we sat down to eat. So it's only fitting that his first would be a jab at me.
As I rise to my full height, I meet Ellis's eye. I don't expect him to fight my battles. I'm a big girl and very capable of standing my ground. I have more than proven that by now, but I am surprised that he doesn't say anything.
"If you have a problem with how I am dressed, don't look, but we both know you like what you see."
I turn to exit the formal dining room and head straight for the kitchen, and just before the door closes, I hear Sebastian say, "You're going to allow her to dress that way in front of other men?"
His words make me chuckle. 'Allow me?' As if. No man will ever tell me what I can and can't do. I had planned on heading straight for the bathroom to remove this plug, but my need for something to take the edge off this evening is greater. I'm feeling too many mixed emotions, and they are allowing my mind to get carried away with ill-suited thoughts that will only further set me back. It's not easy to sit in a room with two extremely dominant, hypermasculine men who are more than attractive. Ellis might be a Greek god, but Sebastian is every bit the Adonis himself, and I more than liked the feel of him pressed against me last night. Fuck.
I head straight to the walk-in freezer at the far end of the kitchen in search of the flavored whiskey I know Nico keeps on hand. This is not my first time at the Serra Estate. We had Charlie's rehearsal dinner out back, and Ellis brought me with him to a few Sunday dinners before I left. When I open the door, the cool air assaults my nipples, and they grow achingly harder, but it also feels good on my heated skin. I need it to calm my raging libido and the whiskey to silence my mind.
I'm just reaching for the top shelf when big, warm arms wrap around my center, and soft lips find my neck. "I thought you said you had to use the restroom?" Ellis questions before sucking the soft skin behind my ear.
I let him melt me briefly, savoring his touch before allowing the old me to break through. "Priorities," I say as I unlatch his hands and reach for the bottle once more.
"Hey," he grabs me by the waist as I move to pass him. "I had a talk with him today. Sebastian knows he can't change my mind when it comes to you."
I know he means well, but his words aren't enough right now. 'I had a talk with him.' What kind of bullshit is that? If I didn't know any better, I'd think he was trying to incite me. Making my way out of the freezer, I stomp across the kitchen and throw open four cabinets before I find what I'm looking for. Pulling out a shot glass, I pour myself a drink and throw it back before turning to Ellis and asking, "Would you like one?"
I'm only asking so I don't look like a total bitch. I'm aware that my anger is coming from more places than one. The vulnerability I feel, knowing that I've told Ellis about my upbringing and therapy, the anger I have toward Sebastian for his active hand in trying to destroy my relationship, and we mustn't forget the pent-up sexual frustration I now have from deciding to wear a fucking plug to dinner. Putting his hands in his pockets, he leans against the counter and says, "No."
His response doesn't surprise me. It's a rare occasion that Ellis has a drink. That's another reason I know last night wore on his emotions as much as it did mine. The vodka he poured into our glasses was strong; I could taste it on his tongue when we kissed. I know my return and the choice I made before our reuniting didn't make things easier, but I know there's more at play, and that thought reignites the fire I had earlier to get my answers.
As I pour my second shot and get ready to turn on my charm, Sebastian walks in and says, "Pour me one."
I throw back the second shot I poured before topping off one more and say, "Sorry I can't. I have clothes to find and put on."