Page 65 of Sweet Venom

"You'll let me go, just like you've always done. I don't need you, Sebastian. Just fucking leave."

"You're right. You don't need me, and you'd probably be better off without me, but I need you." I feel the tension in her body slowly ease, and my heart stops racing just a little, knowing that my words meant something to her. It's then that I know I have to give her everything. "You want to run. Let's run, but I'm driving."

* * *

"Why did you bring me here?" She asks as she pulls off her helmet and dismounts the bike. I don't get off the bike. Instead, I stay glued to my spot as I stare at the charred slab of concrete that used to house the double-wide trailer that plays a starring role in all my nightmares. The only reason it was never replaced with another trailer is no one wants to move to this godforsaken shithole of a town. The place is practically all but forgotten anyway. I watch as she walks up to the slab and nudges a few pieces that have started to crumble away with her shoe.

"I'm in love with a girl who doesn't know I'm a monster—but not the kind that hides under your bed or haunts your dreams. I'm the kind that can be tamed, and that's the worst kind because, in the end, I'm still a monster."

The wind catches her hair and whips it hard as her eyes pierce my soul. I just told her I loved her. She's the first person I've ever uttered the words to, and I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. All I know is I feel sick. The bile rises in my throat as the contents in my stomach threaten to come up. I cough into my elbow to stave off the impending need to lose it.

Before I know it, she's standing next to me. "I guess it's a good thing I'm not scared of the monsters I can see, only the ones that live in my head." Fuck. I pull her into me and hold her tight. I never want to let her go, but I will for the moment, because she needs to know. She needs to hear my truth.

"The trash that raised me didn't burn alive by accident. My parents burned alive because I made it so."

"What," she murmurs against my chest before pulling back to look me in the eyes, "What do you mean you 'made it so?'"

Thunder rumbles through the grey skies overhead, and I say, "We need to leave before it starts raining. I don't want to be stuck here."

"Please." Her fists tighten their hold on my shirt. "Please tell me, Sebastian. No more secrets. I don't think my heart can handle anymore."

Her words remind me that I still don't know what she saw in that room today. I don't know how Ellis, of all people, managed to hurt her. Regardless, I had no plans of hiding this from her. It's why she's here now, but I understand why she can't wait.

"I wished for my parent's death for most of my life, and I remember cursing god for taking Milo instead of them. Out of all the people to lose their lives to drugs, why him when our parents were beyond horrid? I couldn't understand it. I prayed for their death. Who prays for that type of end, no matter how horrible life is? We are told to pray for our enemies, but I never could. It's probably why god cursed me instead, because the last year we lived here, I was subjected to their cruel and violent treatment. Things took a darker turn than I ever could have imagined."

I pause and pull in a deep breath, collecting myself to speak the words I've refused to accept for the past fifteen years. The words that turned me into the vile, disgusting disgrace of a monster I am today.

"The last year we lived in this hellhole, the man I believed to be my father lost his job. He had finally fucked up enough that he couldn't even keep his job riding on the back of a trash truck. Food stamps can't buy drugs, and the money my mother was making as a night janitor for the hardware store in town was just enough to pay for this godforsaken hobble we called home. I remember being in my room and hearing yelling from the living room. The fighting was nothing new. I knew better than to come out, but I didn't have to come out that day. The fighting came to me. My door was kicked in, and my dad's piece of shit dealer stood in its place, gun in hand, and said, 'Get on your knees, boy. Your dad doesn't have the money to pay for the drugs he snorted last night, so I'll take it out of you.'"

"Sebastian, oh my god." Her arms wrap around my chest, and she holds me tighter than anyone ever has in my whole life. I can feel her anguish, her heartache, and the grief she feels for the boy who lived in this hell, but I refuse to have her pity. So as she holds me tight, I finish my story.

"The day I turned sixteen, Nico took me to buy a car after passing my driving test. That same afternoon, I made the drive here. I parked my car a few blocks over, then sat in the woods and waited. Like clockwork, around 10pm they shot their last hits for the night and passed out within the hour. That night, I snuck into the trailer and staged it to look like two meth addicts set fire to the place cooking their drugs. I stayed and watched as the place went up in flames, and all the neighbors came out to bear witness to the fire that consumed their pitiful existence. Someone eventually called the fire department, but no one went in that trailer to try and save them. They weren't worth saving."

Her hold on me loosens, but she doesn't let me go, and it's the best feeling in the world. I just gave her a piece of my despicable black heart, and she's still here. She's not running, but in the recesses of my mind, I can only wonder what made her run from Ellis. What could be worse than this?

"Does Ellis know about any of this?" she questions, her eyes filled with concern.

I shake my head. "No. He saved me so many times. He sacrificed more than anyone should, and I didn't want him to think it was for nothing." I let my eyes trail over the spot that had housed the trailer once more before adding, "He doesn't know that I caused the fire. The authorities never questioned it. They were glad to be rid of the pathetic trash that stained the town. One less domestic violence call, one less noise ordinance violation, but most of all, one less drug addict on the streets peddling and begging."

A drop of rain falls on my forehead, and I say, "Come on. We got to get out of here."

She nods in agreement before leaning in to place a chaste kiss on my mouth. "You're not a monster. Good people do bad things; it only makes you human. None of us are without sin."

Without another word, she throws on her helmet and mounts the bike behind me, but the way she holds me a little tighter confirms that this woman doesn't just love me. She fucking owns me. I'll do anything for her.

There is no way we are going to miss this rain, and I don't care to run into anyone that knew me in this shithole town. So, before I reach the main road that leads back to the interstate, I make a slight detour and head toward the old bridge. I used to spend hours sitting under this bridge, skipping rocks, dreaming myself a better fucking life to escape the hell I was forced to endure at home.

We reach the timber-truss bridge with roof and siding right before the sky lets loose. I shut off the bike and listen to the rain as it pounds down onto the old, red roof. I'm actually surprised this bridge is still standing. The town never spent money fixing it because it leads to a forgotten cemetery that holds the graves of people no one cares to remember.

I feel Vivian release me to step off the bike, but the second her foot hits the ground, I pull her back to me, catching her off guard and making her drop her helmet. Her eyes are wide with surprise, and she looks so fucking beautiful it hurts, but I have to ask, "Did you mean what you said back there?" I gave this woman the darkest parts of my soul. I need to know, "You don't believe I'm a monster."

"No, I don't see a monster." She cups my face, gently rubbing her thumb over my cheek before saying, "I never have. A hardened heart, maybe. A black soul, probably, but I know that a black soul is not born. It was burned."

My hand wraps around the back of her head, and I pull her mouth to mine in a searing kiss, marking her as mine. This woman accepts the parts of me I hate and forgives the parts of me that are unforgivable, and while she hasn't said it, there can only be one reason why. She loves me, and I'll be damned if I'm going to let her go.

When I pull her closer to deepen our kiss, her hands wrap around my neck, and every hair on my body stands at attention from just her touch. My body inherently takes note of its new master, the woman who owns my heart. Fuck. I reach for her thigh to pull her leg over to sit with me. I want to hold her and kiss her for hours. I want everything I've never had. She straddles my lap, her lips never leaving my own, when she grinds her pussy against my cock, only releasing my mouth to say, "Sebastian, I need you." She rocks her hips into me, and my cock twitches against my zipper.

I'll never refuse her. God knows I want her just as much. I want to fuck her hard from behind, the way I've dreamt of for months, and watch as her ass bounces from the force of my thrusts, knowing she can more than take it, but it's that same thought that reminds me why we're here at all.

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