Page 85 of The World Undone

Dec pulled one of her arms across her chest, leaned into the deep stretch, then did the same with the other as she scanned the empty coastline around us. I knew the others wouldn’t recognize the fear underpinning her otherwise confident expression. This was the biggest jump. We’d each tried it several times, and Dec and Max were the only ones who’d managed it without rematerializing in the middle of the ocean.

And even then, they’d only succeeded in that twice while carrying passengers.

“Another minute or two, then I’ll be good.” She bent at her waist, stretching her back and her legs, then sat down, eyes closed, focusing on visualizing exactly where she wanted to take us.

“Cool.” I kicked at a small mound of sand, suddenly aware of the fact that while she meditated and centered herself, I was more or less left with the company of Levi and Evelyn.

For once, Levi looked as uncomfortable as I felt, his gray eyes seeming to land everywhere but in my general vicinity.

Evelyn's hands trembled softly at her sides, but other than that, she seemed one hundred percent back to the cool, confident protector persona she always channeled.

After a long, tense moment of silence though, she dropped that mask, her eyes filling with an emotion I couldn’t quite decipher as they ping-ponged between me and Levi.

“I’m glad we’re doing this together,” she whispered, her voice taking on a soft tone I hadn’t heard in years. “I can’t tell you how happy?—”

My spine tingled at the nostalgic familiarity of it, and I clenched my jaw, frustrated that some small sliver of my brain still missed it—still missed her. After everything.

Levi cleared his throat, muttered an embarrassed, “Mom, we’ll be fine.”

“I know it’s just, if something happens, I don’t want to leave things—” Her voice cracked, and I averted my eyes, unsure what to do with this strange version of her. We’d spent months in the same place, and she’d never once tried to crack through the armed wall I’d built up. She’d respected my wishes, and during our preparations for today, she’d kept things professional. Removed.

We hadn’t been jovial with each other, exactly, but I’d grown almost used to the cold, respectful, colleague-like rapport we’d built up over the last few days.

This? This I had no fucking clue what do with.

Levi shifted, clearly as uncomfortable as I was. “Stop worrying. It’s going to go just as planned.”

She set her hand against Levi’s cheek, the pure love and adoration that radiated from her face as she studied him shining so brightly, I could practically feel it heating the side of my exposed face. “I know. I know. I just, I just want to make sure you know that if things don’t go well, if something happens—that I love you.” Her gaze turned to me. “Both of you. More than anything in this world.”

She dropped her hand from Levi, took a step towards me.

My heart beat loud and hard in my chest.

I couldn’t bring myself to meet her eyes, but a heated anger tore through my body. I fought it down.

I needed to focus. Why the fuck was she doing this right now? Of all times?

Did she have a death wish? Did she want to throw me off my game—the thin veneer of professionalism I’d carefully and artfully perfected to get us through this?

Of course this was happening. We were heading into what was quite possibly the most dangerous, important mission any of us would ever be on, and she wanted to do this now?

For a moment, her hand floated in my peripheral vision, like she was building the courage for something, a muscle memory that was caught halfway between remembered and forgotten. But then, ever so gently, she pressed her palm to my cheek, the warmth of her skin against mine made more noticeable by the chilly breeze wafting along the coastline.

“You need to know, Eli, that I would never have left you willingly. I never meant to hurt you. Or Seamus. But I met someone. It was a one-time thing, could never have been anything more, but I got pregnant and—” she paused, and I could hear her fighting to maintain control over her voice, “I know you might not understand, but I was protecting you both—you and your father.” I tensed under her touch, but for some reason I didn’t step away, didn’t shove her hand from my face even though half of my brain screamed at me too. The other half remembered this warmth, this sense of safety. “You’ve realized by now that Levi is—” I met her eyes briefly, finding them narrowed as she searched for a word, “different. More than just a protector. I had to keep him safe. You have to know now what The Guild would have done to him if they’d known the truth. And I didn’t want you and your father touched by their rage, their punishment, just by association. So I left. It was the only thing I could think to do. But I didn’t leave you because I wanted to, because I chose Levi over you. You’re both my sons. I love you both more than I can ever begin to explain. I thought I was saving you both. All three of you.”

I couldn’t bring myself to say anything. My traitorous throat was suddenly clogged, and I saw Dec’s shoulders shift at my feet, an awkward bystander to this impromptu confession.

She wasn’t breathing. Neither, I was pretty sure, was Levi.

I could feel how suddenly uncomfortable he was, because his shriveled posture, and diverted eyes, I knew, mirrored my own.

Evelyn dropped her hand, glanced between the three of us and shook her head, sniffling slightly as she rapidly blinked away the moisture filming her eyes. “Right, sorry. I just couldn’t leave that unsaid for another moment. Not when we don't know what the events of today might bring.”

“But you came back,” I said, the words ripping from my lips without any permission from me. I heard the hurt in my voice and I hated myself for bleeding in front of them. Still, now that the Band-Aid had been ripped off, I could do nothing but let the wound weep. “To The Guild, I mean. If you really thought Levi would be in danger, why did you come back? And never mention any of this to me?”

Something unrecognizable passed over her face, and Levi stiffened, fingers digging into his thighs like he could teleport himself from this spot if he just focused hard enough on it.

“I remained threaded through The Guild—occasionally taking on missions when it suited. And then, when Levi was older, I came back in a fuller capacity. He could mask his—abilities,” a small, sad grin hooked the corner of his mouth, “and I told The Guild I wanted back in.”

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