Page 86 of The World Undone

Her familiarity with Charlie and the others tugged at something in my brain. “You’ve been spying since then, haven’t you? Working against The Guild?”

She straightened, something like pride lifting her chin as her gaze met mine. “I have. And because I’d proven myself loyal to The Guild, over the years, they allowed my discretion with respect to Levi. I told them I trained him on my own, that he operated best independently. It’s why he’s never been to the Academy or worked in an official capacity with any single team.”

I shot a glance at him. “Any chance you’re going to tell me what the fuck it is that you are?”

He grunted, shook his head.

“Didn’t think so.” Fuckhead. I turned back to her. “But when you rejoined, you still never told me this, never told dad—” my voice caught on that word. Watching my dad suffer from that heartbreak for so many years, why the fuck wouldn’t she have just told him the truth? He would have chosen her over The Guild in less than a heartbeat. “You could have told us.”

Her expression softened, jaw still tight like she was trying to keep back a wave of emotion. “Maybe. But your dad was high up in The Guild. And you—” she exhaled, “you were too, Eli. I didn’t know where your loyalties lay, couldn’t risk—” she glanced at Levi. Couldn’t risk him. “And when I tried to establish some kind of relationship with you, you so clearly didn’t want that.”

“So it’s my fault?” My fists were clenched so tight, I could feel my skin parting for my nails.

“No,” she pinched the bridge of her nose. “No, of course not. None of this has ever been your fault. That’s not what I meant. You hated me. For hurting you. For hurting your dad. It was just easier to let you. Hate can be a powerful tool, a weapon for protectors. If I couldn’t have the kind of relationship with you and your father that I wanted, at least I could provide you with that. A source through which to siphon your rage and bring you two closer together. You had each other. That was all either of you really needed.”

“You have no idea what I needed.”

Silence fell over us all.

My chest was tight, my stomach nearly ready to retch as I parsed through all of this, reframing the last twenty years of my life through this lens. I couldn’t tell if I hated her more than I did before or if I wanted to say ‘fuck it’ and hug her.

Either way, I was ready to vomit.

“I can’t,” I shook my head, taking a few steps back, “I can’t deal with this shit right now.” I cleared my throat, stared out at the crashing ripples of waves until I was sure I wouldn’t start fucking crying right here, right now, “I need to focus. We need to focus. This,” I took a deep breath, gestured aimlessly between us, “this is the past. It doesn’t matter right now.”

“Right,” Evelyn said, her voice soft, so much more fragile than I’d ever remembered it being, “you’re right. I’m sorry. This—this was. I’m being selfish. I’m sorry, Eli.”

Declan stood up, cracking her neck as she moved to stand by me.

Evelyn jumped, like she’d forgotten about Dec’s presence entirely. A blush crept over her cheeks and her stare held firmly on the ground by her feet.

Dec’s hand found mine and squeezed.

Warmth spread through me at her gentle, steady presence.

For most of my life, she’d been this for me.

She’d been here. At my side.

I squeezed back, centering myself, focusing on the bond that connected me to my team. They were the reason I was here. The reason I was freezing my ass off on some sad beach, ready to save the world.

Try to, anyway.

I’d deal with the Evelyn and Levi shit later.

If I wanted to.

But also, it was maybe okay to just—not. To just let things lay how they would. It was okay we weren’t close. It didn’t matter.

I’d spent so long hating my mother, letting her abandonment shape so much of how I viewed the world, my relationships—just, everything.

And I’d let that hatred overshadow the truth. I had a family. One that I loved. One that was there when I needed them, through it all. One who saw every side of me and still wanted me for their own.

Six had been there, cushioning that pain even through my angstiest years.

If I wanted to mend things with my mom, to open this cesspool of pain and swim through it, searching for anything salvageable, I could do that later. But I didn’t need her. Or Levi. Not anymore. I had everything—everyone—that I deemed essential already.

I squeezed Dec’s hand back, then cleared my throat, shoving any residual emotion away. “Ready?”

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