Page 34 of Not So Casual

“Pfft. I know that,” I deflect.

“Do you? Seriously, Alexander. You’ve finally made it. You own your own company; you own your own place. Not only that, but you can finally take a break, step back and fall in love.”

Fall in love? How do you even know when you’ve fallen in love? That seems like such a foreign concept to me. But if I had to imagine it? I could see myself falling in love with Elias. The way he keeps me on my toes and calls me out on my bullshit. The way his soft smile can light up everything inside me. The way I ache to touch him all the time and how now that I’ve had him, I want to keep him forever.

“Oh, holy shit,” I groan, my chin hitting my chest. “I’m fucking in love with him, aren’t I?”

“Man, you’ve been in love with Elias forever. You just haven’t admitted it.”

“Have not.”

“Have to,” he taunts.

“Have not… Ugh. What are we? Ten?”

Marcus chuckles, shaking his head back and forth. “I’m just saying… let yourself be happy.”

Swirling the whiskey around in the glass, I watch the light amber race up the sides before settling back down. He’s right. I don’t know why I’ve been so dead set on not letting anyone ever get close. Elias is the one person who I’ve let in. The only one who’s seen me at my worst and at my best. Fuck it. Marcus is right. I deserve to be happy.

“Fine.” I relent. “Something has changed between Elias and me. But I’ve probably already fucked it up.”

“How so?” he asks, turning his body to face me.

“Things between us started out as casual.” Pausing, I glance up at Marcus and when he doesn’t say anything, I continue. “I told him I don’t do relationships, and he agreed that he didn’t want one either. So, we’ve just been hooking up. I can’t just go up to him and be like ‘hey, so I changed my mind.’” I scoff.

“Why not?”

Pausing, I take a second to look around the room, gathering my thoughts. I actually can’t come up with a reason as to why I couldn’t.

“Well, fuck.” He’s right. Why can’t I just do that? “I don’t know. Can I do that? Just walk up and be like, ‘I changed my mind.’ And expect him to just be like, ‘okay.’”

“You won’t know unless you try.”

“Goddammit. I fucking hate when you’re right.”

“I always am.” He chuckles while taking another sip of his drink. “So, tell me more about what’s been going on with Elias.”

“Well, obviously it started off as casual. I’m honestly not even sure how it happened. It was like one minute we’re bickering and the next he’s on his knees for me.”

“Damn, man. That sounds hot as fuck.” Growling, I give him a death stare, causing him to throw back his head in laughter. “You’re so fucked.”

“I know. But the crazy part? I’m not tired of him yet. He sleeps over almost every night, and I crave feeling his body against mine. Crave it, Marcus. I’ve never craved anyone before the way I crave him.”

“Wait. He sleeps over?” I nod my head as he continues, “and you were saying you didn't even have a crush, but you’re letting him stay the night? You’re so slow sometimes.”

“Honestly? I didn’t want to put a label on it. Elias agreed to casual, and what we’ve been doing lately is anything but casual.”

“How so?”

“We make dinner together, we watch movies, go out to do different things together. He even has shit at my condo because he stays there most nights.”

“Alexander. I don’t know how you haven’t realized this, but you guys are dating. Full stop. Dating.”

“Huh.” I think back to all the times I spent with Elias lately. The laughter we’ve shared, how we could joke around while doing the most mundane things. How he was the first thing I thought about when I woke up and the last thing as I was falling asleep. He’s awakened something in me, I never knew was there. “Well fuck. I guess we are. And you know what? It’s been pretty damn great.”

“So, when are you going to tell him? That things are actually not so casual. Don’t sit on this for too long, or else you really might risk the chance of fucking it up before it begins.”

“I guess the next time I see him.”

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