Page 27 of Beautifully Devoted

“Bullshit.” I lean forward, resting my elbows on my knees. “Why?”

“I didn’t want things to change. Okay?” He runs a hand through his sandy blonde hair, inadvertently mussing it into a series of jagged spikes.

“You really think I would’ve thought less of you for who you liked?” I rub at my chest to soothe the sudden ache there.

“Of course not. But that doesn’t mean liking a guy wouldn’t change things.”

“Liking a girl would change things, too. Just saying.”

“Would it though?” That thoughtful head tilt is back. “We only ever hook up with girls together. We pick friends and hook up with them at the same time, sometimes even in the same room. Neither of us has taken a girl out solo. If one of us felt like dating someone we’d insist they bring a friend along and do that whole double date thing. How would that work if I wanted to take out a guy?”

I want to insist that it could’ve worked, but I don’t know how, because he’s right. Neither of us would’ve taken anyone out solo, and a double date with three guys and a girl might’ve been too weird for the girl, considering the rest of us would probably fall into a conversation about football or action movies or any number of things that might bore her to death.

“Maybe you wouldn’t have treated me differently for being interested in guys,” Cam continues, “but things would’ve been different.”

“I see your point,” I concede, leaving out the part where I think they already are, and not because of what he likes but because of what I do. Maybe.

At the gym today, things got sort of weird. I got sort of weird. Feeling tingly, then jealous, then angry. That was sort of extreme, and while some of that can be attributed to not being ready to share Cam, I’m not sure that’s the only reason I nearly went off the deep end.

Something happened—has been happening ever since I walked in on Cruz and Liam—and that something seems to intensify when I’m around Cam.

I’m not ready to put that into words though.

I can’t explain what’s going on with me. I have some ideas, but nothing concrete enough to speak aloud. In that sense, I can understand why Cameron waited years to tell me about being bi. It might not have changed things with us, but it could’ve changed things. Same as what’s going through my mind could, since that’s so much more than fear of him leaving.

“You really think after we graduate we’re gonna be in the same place? Still living together?” The corner of Cam’s lip ticks up, fighting a smile that makes my heartbeat speed up.

“I don’t see why not.”

“What if you get drafted? You could end up anywhere.”

I lean back in my chair, testing the limits of gravity as I recline to the fullest. “Unless you also get drafted, which you keep saying you don’t care about, you’ll just go wherever I go.”

“You sound awfully sure about that, but there are some places I have no desire to live in.”

“Name one.”

“Texas, for starters. It’s fucking hot down there. Or Wisconsin. Do you know how cold it gets?”

“You’re born and raised in Colorado, dipshit. You can handle cold.”

“Colorado cold is different than Midwest cold and you know it.” He points a finger at me like he’s emphasizing some really important point, but it’s just for show. “I’ll have to go where the best job is, whether you’re there or not.” His voice is way too soft for my normally confident friend.

“Now you’re just being difficult. You know I’ll pull every string available to me as a rookie to get you a job. Hell, maybe I’ll even get you hooked up with the team that drafts me.”

“Yeah, cause teams will be jumping at the chance to hire the best friend of their rookie draft pick straight out of college,” he scoffs with an overly dramatic eye roll, though I don’t miss the relief in them before they take a trip to the back of his head.

“It could happen. Dream big Cam.” I wink at him, which he pretends to dismiss by flopping back on the bed.

“Dreaming is your thing. I’m the realist.”

“Realistically.” I kick at his foot with mine. “There’s no reason we can’t both find jobs in the same city. Even if I don’t get drafted, I have to do what every other college grad does and submit dozens of applications.”

“If you don’t get drafted, we’ll just end up back home, looking for jobs there.”

“Maybe.” I nod my head. “Or maybe we try somewhere new.”

“Where?”

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