Page 12 of Beautifully Devoted

I roll my eyes dramatically since we both know that’s ridiculous. “What’s your point?”

“Just that since friends typically don’t go around jerking each other off, going down that road might mean things aren’t as platonic as you think.”

That is not a seed I need Liam to be planting right now. Jagger wasn’t asking to see my dick because it’s mine, he was asking because he’s confused, and when he’s confused or angry or scared or...whatever, he comes to me. That’s been our dynamic for nearly a decade, since the day his dad left. Just because this time it’s about sex doesn’t automatically mean he’s seeing me differently, or that I’m seeing him differently.

This is just his latest rabbit hole.

Yes, the fact that it involves sex makes this somewhat complicated, and I admit I was shocked when he first brought it up. But it’s not like we’re talking about intimate shit like kissing or fucking here. Just a little peek. Or a quick rub.

Could something as mundane as a hand job change our dynamic? It could, sure. Only if we let it though, and I’ve gotten pretty good over the years both at putting Jagger in the friend zone and fucking people without feelings attached. Besides, I’ve watched him sleep with at least a dozen women and that never made things weird, so I doubt showing him my cock would be any different.

“I hear you, but if Jagger’s going through some shit, I’d rather he go through it with me than someone who doesn’t look out for him the way I do.”

“You can do that without complicating things between you?” Liam asks.

“I told you, I know where the line is.”

Liam traps his lips between his teeth, nodding his head almost imperceptibly, like he’s resigned himself to some horrible fate. “Speaking from experience, I know how easy it is to keep pushing that line further and further down the road once you get close enough to it. Just be careful, okay?”

I get that he thinks he’s helping me, but this is Jagger we’re talking about. After everything we’ve been through together, a silly little thing like bi-curiosity won’t be an issue.

“It’s all under control. Thanks for looking out though.” I turn back to my game and spend the next hour getting my ass handed to me by a computer.

***

It’s close to midnight when Jagger finally tiptoes into my room and climbs in bed next to me, the scent of his bergamot body wash hitting my nose as the mattress dips under his weight.

Though I’ve come to associate the smell with him, it never fails to amuse me that he has no idea what bergamot is, he just thought it sounded interesting, and he’s too stubborn to admit he might like something like mint or pine better. The mix of sweet and spice suits him though, since his personality is a bit of both.

I haven’t seen or spoken to him since he rushed from the room earlier to shower out his frustrations, if that’s what he even did. My money’s on a cold shower, followed by taking a deeper dive into the whole ‘do I like dicks’ thing by spending some more time on Google, and while I normally try to keep him out of his head on the anniversary of his dad’s vanishing act, today I got the sense he needed some space.

So, I don’t question what he’s been doing all afternoon. I just tuck him against my side, his head nestled against my chest, and pull the covers over us like I always do when he sneaks into my bed and wait for him to say something.

Usually, that wait isn’t more than a few minutes, but tonight, I’m nearly asleep by the time he speaks up. “How come you never told me you like guys?”

“Are you freaking out about being in my bed right now?"

“No. Nothing’s different for us, I just want to know why you didn’t tell me. And don’t give me that straight excuse either. You know I’d talk to you about guys. I’d talk about anything that’s important to you.”

Jagger’s head moves with my chest as I inhale and let out a deep breath. The truth, about not being able to picture myself being close to another man, might not be interpreted the way I intend.

“I wasn’t sure I’d ever do anything about it, so it didn’t seem worth bringing up.”

“That makes it sound like you aren’t really into dicks. If you’ve never tested this, how can you be sure you like them?”

I gnaw on my lip as I try to find the right words, which makes my jaw brush against Jagger’s hair.

Without lifting his head, he presses his palm to my chin to stop that nervous tic. “Stop thinking and just answer.”

“I prefer gay porn to straight porn.”

“Seriously?” Jagger props himself up on an elbow so he can see my face. “Camelot, I’ve jerked off in the same room as you for the last year—”

“I wasn’t watching,” I interrupt. “Most of the time I was asleep anyway. Or I’d put in my earbuds.”

Jagger likes a release in the mornings when he has time for it, which isn’t often for college athletes. But on the rare days we could sleep in, I’d usually wake up to him rubbing one out. It was kinda hard to miss since we shared a dorm room, but I’d give him his privacy by pretending to be asleep.

“Not the point. I would’ve… I would’ve been more discreet or some shit if I knew that was your thing.”

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