Page 64 of One Lucky Cowboy

Jax winced, the fight all but gone from his slumped shoulders, his weary eyes. She didn’t mean what she’d said about Gander raising the dogs—stepparenting was a noble pursuit. But she was hurt and mad and incapable of taking it back.

“I don’t know what to tell you. I’ve got bigger horns to wrangle than two puppies who love each other and are about to start a family, even if it is unconventional. I didn’t consider you heading back to the city, but I’m sure everyone here will help with that.”

“Of course, you didn’t think of me leaving. Because you react rather than plan and act according to what will be best for everyone.”

But all you had to do was ask me to stay and I’d have done it.

She squared her shoulders and tossed her hair back over her shoulders, ignoring the cold night air that enveloped her. She tried to also forget the lancing sting of her words, but each one landed like a fatal blow, taking its toll on Jax.

She’d never seen him so defeated, so despondent, and the rings under his eyes said exhaustion was close behind. Still, she couldn’t turn off the vitriol when it was the only thing left to fight for.

“I don’t.” His voice was calm, while she worried if she spoke again hers would waver and give away the ache in her chest that opened up when he said they had to wrap up … whatever this partnership-slash-kissing-friends thing was. “I know it seems that way to you, and I’m sorry if my choosing a different path upsets you, but I’ve been making this move for a couple of years now. Yeah, the timing got moved up, but I hope you know I wouldn’t go if I didn’t think it was the only option. I meant what I said about liking kissing you. But I just … I can’t.”

She nodded. She knew it.

Then why was heat building behind her eyes? It couldn’t only be that he was leaving—she’d known that particular inevitability for the past month. And it wasn’t like she was sticking around Deer Creek forever, either.

Her lips burned with memory, and she fought the desire to trace where Jax had kissed them with a passion they’d never known.

No, that isn’t it. I’ve been kissed well before. Who cares if he leaves after one nice—okay, hot as hell—kiss?

It couldn’t go anywhere even if they were both staying. Because Maggie was wrong about one thing—Jill and Jax might be trying to find their way out of a world their families had carved out for them, but they were as different as the canyon and city.

“Okay. Well, thanks for the gift.” She turned back toward the house so he couldn’t see the hurt that spilled from her eyes. It was so silly. She and Jax disagreed on almost everything, but in a rare moment of vulnerable honesty, she admitted she’d miss him. He made her job better, encouraged her to have a little fun while she worked hard, and even worked hard alongside her.

But he was always going to leave, and she was always going to fall for men who courted the rodeo over any woman.

She might as well get used to that and forget the way he’d opened up a tiny sliver of hope that maybe this time, things could be different.

*

Jax had two more stops before he got to Austin, and each one filled him with anticipation. His skin prickled with an awareness he hadn’t had in the past decade and a half. Hell, his life was unrecognizable from the cobbled-together survival mode he’d been in just a week prior. He had a job lined up, a son to get to know, and a future that he was finally looking forward to.

So long as he didn’t think about what all that had cost him, that was. Jill was an amazing woman but asking her to consider helping him raise a teenage boy was a big ask when they’d never even gone on a real date. Besides, she’d made it pretty clear that raising kids who weren’t hers was off the table. He’d received her message about Gander.

He pulled into the first spot he could find outside the hardware store. Jax had been downright despondent when Ren had taken off a week ago. To have something thrown in his lap he was certain he’d never wanted was disorienting, but then to lose it?

It cleared things up pretty damn quick. He was a dad, and he’d be a damn good one.

Luckily, when the boy had sprinted away as quickly as he did, he’d left his cell phone behind. It had been locked, but Jax put an envelope under it with some cash, a brief letter about how much he wanted to get to know Ren and make up for all the years he hadn’t been aware the amazing boy had existed, and a sticky note with the name DAD on it, along with Jax’s phone number. Then he hid behind the barn so he wouldn’t spook the kid into running again.

Bennett was out of town when Ren finally returned, and the smile on his son’s face—Bennett’s smile—after reading the note was all the encouragement Jax needed.

He’d make this right any way he could.

Six phone meetings with Ren’s grandfather—a formidable man who wasn’t relenting his hold on guardianship—and two lawyers later, and all parties had agreed on a compromise until Jax was settled in a job closer to Austin to be with his son. Now he was stocking up on supplies to have Ren stay at the ranch with him the next month, and though he’d thought ranching wasn’t his passion, the idea of sharing his family’s livelihood with the next generation was so freaking cool.

He got out of the truck cab and inhaled the promise of the day, a promise that started with picking Ren up and starting the rest of his life.

The sweet, floral scent permeated the confusion that had been building at the back of his throat since Jill Henley rode into town.

A brief thought gave him pause. The image of starting that life off with Jill at his side, their passion for work and each other was tempting, but what could he offer her? She hated the rodeo, but he’d been offered a permanent contract to train young men in the Austin circuit. The money was good, the location ideal, and the work something he could put his heart and soul into.

But Jill wouldn’t ever sign on for a life she’d given up. And she wanted kids of her own—a whole brood of them, she’d said—so putting that on hold to help him raise a teen boy wasn’t fair.

It stung like hell giving her up, but he cared about her enough to do it, so she’d never look back and wonder if she’d sacrificed everything for him.

He went into Harvey’s Feed and Supply, his list shaking in his hand.

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