Page 81 of Lock 'em Down

James is quiet for too long and my doubt grows. Not in a linear fashion but exponentially.

Why isn’t James saying anything? Why isn’t he sticking up for us?

“Fuck,” James says finally.

I sink deeper in the chair and turn my gaze out the window. Sunlight streams in and the lake beckons. But the magic is gone.

“I don’t know, man,” James says shakily. “He and Cami seem like a good pair, regardless.”

“Maybe,” Ray agrees. “But what challenges have they faced?”

“Now, you sound bitter,” James points out.

“I’m not saying this because of my shit with Dee,” Ray swears. “I’m saying it because Leif is my friend. He doesn’t admit defeat; he never has. I don’t want him fighting so hard for something that won’t last. I don’t want it for him, and I don’t want it for her. Cami’s a sweetheart.”

“Yeah, she is,” James agrees.

“Hey!” Piper’s voice calls out.

“You’re still here?” Ray asks. “I thought y’all went downtown.”

“Nope, I had to get dressed,” Piper answers.

I close my eyes, praying to the universe that none of them discover me sitting here, eavesdropping on their conversation about me.

“Oh, well, have fun,” James says, sounding embarrassed.

“Yeah! I just gotta find Cami. Have you seen her?” Piper asks.

A beat of awkward silence passes.

I open my eyes and pull in a breath, pressing my hand against my chest to ease the gallop of my heart.

“Nope. Maybe she’s out front, waiting for you?” James suggests.

“Maybe. See you later!” Piper says. I hear her footsteps pad down the hallway.

Shit. Now, I’m stuck here.

“Just keep your thoughts to yourself this weekend,” James mutters. “It’s Chris’s wedding and right now, Leif is happy.”

“Yeah,” Ray agrees, sounding distracted. “For now.”

In the next minute, I hear their footsteps retract and I breathe a little easier. I wait a few more minutes before quietly slipping from the sitting room. I slide into a bathroom and close the door behind me.

Facing myself in the mirror, I suck in a deep breath.

“You’re fine. Everything is good. This is right,” I remind myself.

But now, I don’t feel so sure. With Levi’s email burning a hole in my pocket and Ray’s words rattling in my mind, self-doubt fills me.

Is Leif trying to prove a point to himself? Does he want this to work because he doesn’t want to fail? Or because he’s trying too hard to become the man he wants to be—dependable and unshakeable? To me, he already is that guy. But what if he’s trying to convince himself? What if he’s trying to find reasons to love me?

How can he love me after barely two months together? After what I told him transpired with Levi? And now, Levi is emailing me, and I haven’t even shared that news with my husband.

Why haven’t I told Leif? Don’t I trust him?

A knock sounds on the bathroom door. I jump and flip on the faucet. “Yeah?” I call out, running my wrists under the cool water.

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