Page 5 of Daddy's Best Friend’s Baby

Chapter Four

Well, this is crazy.

Don’t get me wrong. This isn’t a new realization. I mean, I know it’s crazy the first time I’m with Brock. All right, that’s not really true. I realize it’s crazy after the first time is over and then we talk and right before I make it clear that it can never happen again, he just completely floors me by telling me that I was really good in bed so I jump on him again. I really realize it’s crazy then.

But I keep it up and here I am in the beginning of month four (or the end of month three depending on how you look at it), and I still know it’s crazy!

One week every month. He comes here to the city for a week every month but now, he stays about ten days just to have extra time with me. I mean…

Look, I’m not just a kept woman for him. Brock is about the most desirable girl in the world. If the two of us are at a restaurant, the people who see us don’t wonder how brock ended up with a girl like me. The people at the restaurant will think I’m the lucky one.

Wow. Boy, I got really defensive about you thinking I might just be for Brock readily available sex from a younger woman. I got defensive about that and ended up putting myself down like I don’t deserve him or something.

Let me start over. Not with the crazy part. It’s still crazy. Let me start over with the relationship. Brock isn’t with me just because he gets sex from a younger woman. Brock could have any woman he wants. He could have women just as young as I am. Hell, he could probably have every girl in some of the sorority houses from fresh off the bus freshmen to graduate student advisors. I’m twenty-two but he could have any of the eighteen-year-old freshmen. He won’t even have to work hard!

The relationship we have, while definitely filled with sex, isn’t only physical. I guess that’s what I’m trying to say. He takes me out to see movies and to have dinner. We’ve seen a play and a few concerts at bars, famous blues guys he’s introducing me to. We do lots of things.

And we keep it secret.

And it’s perfect.

I have a boyfriend who fulfils all my needs but I also have all the time I need for school. We’re also so far away from home that I really don’t have to worry about discovery. Since I’m likely going to get an MFA in screenwriting and filmmaking, too, I have at least two and a half more years of this before I’ll need to worry at all. I can just enjoy the relationship without any stress.

College is supposed to be the place where I can have fun and learn a little about myself and the world, right? Well, I’m certainly opening up to all of the possibilities this world has to offer. I don’t know that I can point to any time in my life where I’ve felt so fulfilled, so excited about waking up every morning, or so confident and secure.

Look, I have no illusions about things. I know there’s no permanent future for the two of us. College will end, and when it does, there’s no guarantee that I’m going to end up somewhere the relationship will work. I mean geographically. I might end up close to home, and we won’t be able to carry on because people will know. I might end up across the country and I’m certainly not going to expect Brock to move. This is a fling. It’s a wonderful fling. It’s a fling I’m certain to treasure for the rest of my life. Nonetheless, it’s a fling. I keep that in the front of my mind all the time.

That’s the plan.

And the universe has other plans.

And my best friend Tracy is with me when the doctor at the student clinic tells me my nausea isn’t some strange tropical disease but just morning sickness because I’m pregnant.

And I panic.

And I swear Tracy to secrecy.

And I call Brock and tell him I need space and I need him not to contact me.

And I call my parents and tell them I’m so overwhelmed with school that I’m not going to make it home for Easter but I love them very much.

And it’s stupid as hell because I need Brock desperately.

And I want my Mommy.

But instead, I spend the next six months without them except for a text every month or so asking Brock to be patient because I’m not ready yet.

And the worst part of all is that I don’t even know why I’m hiding it.

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