Page 38 of Boundaries

I’d made a mistake and I had no idea how I would ever fix that.

Disgust rolled through me. Hell, part of me didn’t want to fix it and so what did that say about me?

Seven

Over the next week, the guilt I felt for allowing Mason to touch me continued to gnaw at my conscience. Lust was obviously getting in the way of my sanity. Luckily, Alex had gone away with work for a few days to an equestrian fair, which gave me a reprieve. My parents were now on holiday for the rest of the summer, leaving Mattie in charge, which meant at least there were fewer people to witness my shame

I had concluded that what had happened between Mason and me didn’t mean anything. Therefore, if it didn’t mean anything, I didn’t have to tell Alex about it. It's not the most honest approach, I know. But it helped me temporarily push away all the thoughts that circled the nightmare that was the McKenna boys.

I was looking forward to a rest at the weekend, having taken on more shifts at the stables. My limbs were tired, and I had blisters on my thumbs from the rake I had used to muck out Tiny’s stable. Tiny was a beautiful bay stallion that was just shy of seventeen hands. He was a big bugger, and word had it that Mr McKenna had his eye on him. Another addition to his current, impressive fleet of horses.

It had been particularly quiet at work with Alex and the owners of the stables away, but I’d enjoyed the peace. I had keys and was solely responsible for looking after the horses until Mr and Mrs Lonsdale returned.

I’d spent most of the day outside, tidying the yard in the sunshine. To be honest, I’d burned the back of my neck; the skin there feeling hot to the touch.

I pulled the wooden gate closed into the stables and locked up, looking forward to a nice deep bubble bath. Maybe a cold one to take that sting out of my skin. I felt annoyed at myself as I should have been wearing a sunhat.

Deciding to take a shortcut through the Proctor’s place, I upped my step, not wanting to get caught trespassing.

Mr and Mrs Proctor owned some farmland and hated all the larger landowners in the area. Their farm was what my dad used to call a 'Jack of All Trades' business where they pretty much tried everything to be profitable. The Proctors owned livestock, grew crops, and had more recently tried their hand at growing turf. It was a wishy-washy setup and had never been a threat to our business. They had two boys whom I’d always found a little on the creepy side. Jonathan and Tyler were identical twins and must have been somewhere in their late twenties by now. They were boys, but they still made me think of the movie The Shining.

We’d had them over for BBQs in the past, but it had been a pity invite. An attempt to build bridges with our neighbours. My father had always had his eye on the Proctor’s place as it backed onto one of our largest fields. Dad was always looking for opportunities to expand. What with the McKenna farm being on the other side and the meadow in the middle, it left our current acres landlocked.

It was Saturday and later that evening Mattie was having a BBQ. We always organised something when our parents were away, as Mum had a strict rule about having friends around. The BBQ wouldn’t be a messy event, just a chance for a catch-up with some nice food and a few drinks. Mattie had invited a couple of his gay friends from the village, Sam, and Riley. My brother had only been out a few months and not everyone knew about his true sexuality. We’d all been surprised when he dropped the bombshell, as he’d had girlfriends in the past. Mattie explained when we were on our own one night, that he’d always known he was gay, but had tried to hide it. It had made me feel sad that he’d lived in silence with such a huge secret and that he’d felt he couldn’t confide in his family. We were all so close.

Mattie said he’d also invited our cousin, Wynter. My aunt and uncle were in the throes of a nasty divorce due to Wynter’s mother having an affair. Wynter, who was the same age as me, was desperate for any excuse to leave the house. She was now living in the home of her mother’s lover and her new stepdad’s kids. They sounded like proper spoiled rich kids. So, we tried to offer support where we could. My cousin was the opposite of me though, quite shy and understated. She always had her nose stuck in a book.

When I arrived back at my house, I was surprised to see Alex’s car parked by one of the garages. It was positioned next to my brothers. He hadn’t texted me to say he was back, which I thought a little odd.

Being an adult and needing his space, Mattie’s room was above the garages and so separate from the main building.

I ran my hand down the greasy front of my dirty jeans. My hair was a mess and I didn’t look my best, but I suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to see Alex. He was probably gaming in Mattie’s room.

Briefly checking my phone for messages, I walked past Alex’s Volvo and let myself into the stairwell that led up to Mattie’s living space. He had a studio room, so there was a living area, a kitchen, and a bedroom all on one floor. There was also a separate bathroom, and so you had everything you needed to live self-contained. Sometimes we didn’t see my brother for weeks.

As I mounted the stairs, thoughts of what to wear that evening swam into my head, maybe something floaty? It needed to be attractive and feminine as I had every intention of having sex with Alex sooner rather than later. Yes, Mason McKenna had awakened something inside me, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t have the same with someone else.

As I got to the door to my brother’s room, I rubbed the back of my neck. It was still smarting, and I knew I needed some after-sun lotion. My stomach started to churn which was strange as I hadn’t missed lunch.

Pulling the door open and stepping into the room was the easy part, but the image I was faced with was anything but.

My mouth dropped open and my heart crashed against my ribs like a beast attempting to free itself from a cage. It felt like the room was spinning in front of me.

A cocktail of feelings fluttered through my brain; confusion, guilt, betrayal.

My brother and Alex twisted apart from their position in Mattie’s bed. An intertwined position. I had just caught my brother and my boyfriend having sex. They were both sweaty, their breathing laboured. Alex’s bare chest was covered from the waist down by the sheet.

“Shit, Amy?” Mattie choked out as he leapt from the bed and started to pull his discarded joggers on, I spun away, not welcoming that sight for many reasons.

“Amy, I can explain,” Alex said weakly, looking from Mattie to me.

That sick feeling lurched in my stomach, and I twisted away and raced down the corridor, almost throwing myself down the stairs.

I swallowed several times. My head couldn’t compute what I had just witnessed and so I ran. It was all I could think of to do. I needed to be alone, and piece together the horrible truth that not only had my boyfriend cheated on me, but that he had done so with my brother. The fact that Alex also appeared to be gay wasn’t what hurt the most. It was that ultimate betrayal by two people I really cared about.

How long had it been going on? Alex’s fascination with his phone and the cold treatment now made so much more sense.

They’d lied to me, made a fool out of me and yet I had hated myself so much after what had happened with Mason.

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