Page 83 of Protective Heroes

She did as I asked, leaving soup and homemade biscuits for me. I barely managed to swallow a few mouthfuls before I gave up.

When my phone rang, I jumped and stared at it as if it tried to bite me. What if it was Trevor?

But it wasn’t Trevor. It was Asha. The minute I heard her voice, the tears returned.

“What’s wrong, Kami? Oh my God, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you cry. Who hurt you?”

I struggled to explain through my tears. “I’m…I’m such a fool for thinking I could handle coming here. I thought I was strong enough to let my life get a little messy, but the second he mentioned changing jobs for a security company, the end of my life flashed before my eyes. I saw myself dead from a broken heart.”

“What do you mean, sweetie? Please tell me what happened.”

“I…I…” I tried to dredge up an accusation, all I could see was the hurt on his face as I told him not to touch me. He looked like I’d struck him. “I’m coming home, Asha. I was wrong. Rekindling what we had was a bad idea.”

As soon as the words were out, I started sobbing again. Asha made sympathetic sounds and just stayed on the line and let me get it all out. When I managed to calm myself a bit, I grabbed a handful of tissues from the nightstand and blew my nose and wiped my eyes.

Asha was such a good friend, she even sat there through all of that.

“I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” she said. “I just want to know you’re okay.”

The truth was I didn’t think I’d ever be okay again. The part of me that clicked into place when Trevor and I made love last night felt smashed and broken beyond repair.

“I messed up, Asha. I…I was wrong. I’m not married. I don’t have kids. But Trevor is not safe and neat and tidy.”

Once I told her that, the whole story came tumbling out—how we got snowed in, the way we spent the night, what happened when we woke up this morning.

“I tried to get a flight out sooner, but they said with the bad weather, I’d be lucky if I make it out on Friday.”

Silence met that last announcement.

“Asha?”

“I’m still here.” Her voice was so soft and quiet and un-Asha-like.

“What are you thinking?”

She sighed. “Sweetie, I get why you freaked out. I do. But I have to tell you, everything I’ve heard so far sounds like you are letting fear of getting hurt again control your actions. Do that for too long and you will be a spinster in a crumbly cabin in the woods.”

“But my dad loved my mom and he’s dead because of it. How do you live with the fear of knowing you could die by loving someone so fiercely as a soulmate?”

“Do you think he is your soulmate?” Asha asked in a whispered voice and it slammed into me with the force of a blizzard.

“Yes.” And that one word scared me beyond measure.

“Do you actually think you’ll be able to go through life protecting your heart and soul, sweetie?”

I dropped my head and thought about her words.

“Leaving her, leaving him behind again is ripping a hole in my heart. I know he loves me. And I never stopped loving him,” I admitted. “But that doesn’t answer your question, huh.”

“Try again. Do you actually think you’ll be able to go through life protecting your heart and soul from feeling? Do you think he would hurt you again by leaving?”

Everything Trevor did this whole trip made me feel cherished and protected, from holding my hand when I was anxious to checking in with me along the way when we were making love to making sure I was okay with everything we did together.

Nothing about his behavior gave me the picture of someone who would walk out again. He wanted me to know he was here for good. No more leaving.

“I know I don’t want messy. But I know I want him. And I know I can’t lock myself away forever.”

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