Page 133 of Tempest

“No!” I push the covers off and get to my feet. “Clover, no. I was trying to figure out the best way to tell you, but there’s so much going on, so much you don’t know, and—”

“—and here I am, being a good friend and trying to cheer you up. Meanwhile, you’re fucking my brother—who is a bonafide sociopath, by the way—and god, Ardyn, I felt sorry for you! I pitied you and hated all the pain you’ve had to endure, and this is your thanks? Lying to me?”

“It’s not like that.” My defense comes out as a squeak.

“It’s pretty fucking simple, don’t you think? Me fuck best friend’s brother, me tell best friend. See? Even a caveman can do it.”

“You’re right.” I lick my lips.

“Then why didn’t you? How could you let me play dumb for this long? When did you start? This summer? Before then? During your stay at the funny farm?”

My eyes shoot to hers. “Don’t.”

“I think I’ve earned the right to insult you, Ardyn. You can’t go around playing innocent and then be conniving at the same time. It can’t all work to your benefit.”

“Stop it.”

“You can’t avoid it this time. I’m pissed, and you’re not giving me a good enough answer.” Clover pulls her phone out of her pocket.

“What are you doing?”

“Texting Tempest.” Her thumbs start flying across the screen.

“No!” I pounce on her, grabbing the phone and flinging it clear across the room.

Clover watches its flight, stunned. “What the hell?”

“I understand you’re upset, but so am I!” I scream. “You think I wanted to fall in love with him? I know he’s bad for me. I’m so aware of it that I get sick to my stomach every time I think of it, but I can’t stop it if I try, okay? He is the one for me. I don’t know why, how, or what fucked-up fate decided to have me fall for a villain, but here I am, wasting away in my fucking bed because I can’t stand the thought of him. At the same time, I can’t stop thinking about him!”

Clover’s mouth drops open.

“I feel terrible that I betrayed you, Clover, and I am truly sorry you found out like this. If I had it my way, I would’ve asked you about it first before pursuing him, but it didn’t—couldn’t—work like that. You know why? Because we were an explosion. I didn’t see it coming. One minute, I’m yelling at him and hating the very ground he walks on, and the next, I’m in his arms, and he’s kissing me, and he’s showing me parts of himself that I can’t ever explain, and I should hate him. Oh God, I should want him to suffer for all the things he’s done. And maybe one day he’ll pay for his sins, but I’m not going to stand on the outside and watch him go down in flames. I want to be beside him when he burns.” Tears roll down my face. “I want to protect him and show him the good that’s left inside him. I know it’s there. I’ve seen it, and I feel like, without me, he’ll extinguish it forever. I want to be what keeps him good, Clover.” I inhale deeply, my breath shaking and my lips trembling. “I want it to be me.”

Clover blinks.

I shut my mouth. Swallow. But I won’t look away from her. Not anymore. I’m standing my ground, facing the truth of my actions, and I’ll take the consequences, no matter what they will be.

I’m not running again.

“Wow,” Clover says.

“Do you hate me?” My voice is hoarse.

“No.” Clover runs her tongue over her teeth, thinking. “Actually, the opposite. Nobody has spoken about my brother like that before. Literally no one.”

I sniff. “He’s not really the welcoming type.”

Clover snorts. “Definitely not.” Then she looks at me more closely. “Are you sure this is what you want to do? Love him? He’s a huge asshole.”

“I know.” I shake my head, amazed at myself for coming to this decision. “But he’s my asshole.”

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