Page 38 of To Have and to Hold

“I don’t want to bother you.”

“You bug me with every case, all the time. Most of our eleven o’clock dinners center around our work issues and how we can help each other out of a screwed-up situation.”

“You’re right,” I said. “But—”

“This one’s different.”

I shrugged. “Yeah.”

“Spence…” She drifted off, her hold loosening. “I need you to include me in this. Part of me thinks you’re distancing. Ever since this girl’s disappearance, you haven’t been around, and when you have, your mind is still out on the streets or in your office sifting through evidence—”

“There’s only so much time.”

“I get that. I really do. But this Becca seeing my nipples has really put things into perspective for me. I’ve literally been stripping naked to grab your attention.”

“Babe…”

“Don’t get me wrong, I love our sex. We’re fucking magic. But I want to help, not just distract. I love you and see how much this affects you, and I want to be part of the solution. Do you understand?”

I kissed the top of her head. “How about this. Come out there with Becca and me and we’ll go through everything we did today together. A fresh pair of eyes would be good.”

“Yeah?”

“Absolutely.” I stood and held out my hand to her. “I want to put your ambulance chasing skills to use.”

She smiled, and it wasn’t tired at the edges anymore. “I deal with civil contracts, as you well know.”

We found Becca at the high top table with three plates set up and the chicken pot set on a warmer in the middle. “Thought I’d be of some help,” she said when she saw us. She popped up from her stool. “Hi, I’m Becca.”

“Noelle.”

Noelle took the stool beside Becca, slightly hesitant, until Becca began regaling us with random stories and compliments about the food (which was, as always, fantastic). It’d be impossible not to thaw, and soon Noelle was laughing with Becs and everyone was having a good, if forced, time.

A cloud remained over us, but I understood what Becca was doing. She wouldn’t function if every second Emme was thought about or brought up or focused on. Human survival didn’t work that way. A mind couldn’t fully engage with the dire situation if it were actually seen as the death sentence it was. That the situation might not be solved.

I laid down my fork and sat back, wondering if this strength in Becca had always been there, or if these past few days had given her a dose of true circumstance that had her sitting here, with me, investigating her best friend’s disappearance. Not many people could do as she did and walk behind Emme’s last steps in order to find her.

Loyalty or denial? Did Becca think she’d find Emme untraumatized and well?

Did I?

“…anyway, after the eighth bodega guy, we had to call it,” Becca was saying.

“You guys really got nothing?” Noelle asked.

“All we found that was unusual was the first bodega we talked to. Some dude buying two giant jugs of expired fruit punch.”

“That’s not weird at all,” Noelle said once she finished chewing. “People buy the weirdest crap late at night. Especially living in apartments nearby. Dish detergent, ping-pong balls…”

Becca shrugged. “Only weird thing is that bodega man informed him of the expiry, but he wanted them anyway.”

“We’ll see if we missed anything once we go over this stuff in detail,” I said.

Noelle began stacking up plates. “Let’s do it.”

“Throw everything in the sink, babe. I’ll get to it once we’re done,” I said, rising with everyone else.

And so we did.

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