Page 46 of State of Grace

But Moira never did. Neither did her father or her siblings.

Despite all of that, Alexis found herself sitting in her parents’ driveway nervously drumming her fingers on the steering wheel. She’d dressed Harper in her least-nerdy shirt and pulled her strawberry blonde hair into a French braid that she had spent too much time on. For herself, Alexis had chosen a black and white striped skirt coupled with a black scoop-neck top. They had both worn their Chaco sandals, and Alexis hoped that Moira could at least appreciate the effort Alexis had put into looking presentable for their impromptu visit.

“Mommy, why are we here?” Harper groaned from the backseat. She wasn’t a fan of her biological grandmother. That was Alexis’s fault, and it caused a pang of guilt to cross over her heart. Although Alexis tried her hardest not to bad-mouth her parents or siblings in front of Harper, she felt Harper knew more than she wanted her to. Harper was intuitive; she understood Alexis in ways that no one else did. It was a blessing and a curse at times.

“We’re stopping by to see Grandma Moira.”

“But why?”

“Because we don’t see her enough.”

“So?”

“So, we need to see her more often.”

“But why?”

“Because I said so.” Alexis hated using that phrase, but she wasn’t in the mood for more questions from Harper. Getting out of the car, Alexis opened the back door and Harper jumped out. She took her hand as they walked up the sidewalk to the front door. Reaching out, Alexis rang the doorbell and waited. Harper pulled a dead bloom off the plant by the front door, and the small gesture made her smile.

The hunter-green front door opened, and Moira stood before with her hand on her hip. She looked them up and down as her eyes narrowed. “Alexis, Harper.”

“Hi, Mom.” Alexis forced a smile as she gently nudged Harper’s shoulder with her hip.

“Hi, Grandma Moira.” Harper’s voice was borderline bored, and Alexis stifled a laugh.

“To what do I owe this unannounced appearance?”

“I thought we’d pop over and say hi.” Alexis shrugged as a shy smile formed on her lips. No matter how much water there was under the mile-long bridge between them, Alexis still wanted her mother to be happy to see her for once. Instead, Moira let out an exasperated sigh.

“Well, you’ve said that, so is there anything else you need? Money, a lawyer, advice on where to buy sandals that weren’t made for hiking?” Moira’s eyebrow raised as she looked down at their shoes. Alexis was on edge but resisted the urge to snatch up Harper and go back to the car without another word.

“I was hoping we could,” the words were bitter on her tongue, “talk.”

“Talk?” She scoffed. “I don’t have time for this right now. The home health aid is here with your father, and I have to get ready for tonight. Can whatever agenda you’re pushing by coming here wait for another day?”

“No, Mom, it can’t.” Alexis held her ground, and the move seemed to startle Moira. She opened the front door as her hand dropped from her hip to her side. “I’ve been thinking a lot, and I want to talk to you and try to…”

“Try to what, Alexis?” Her hand was back on her hip. “Repair our relationship?”

“Don’t you think we need to?”

“Why start now? You’re grown. You don’t need a mother.”

“That doesn’t mean I don’t want one.” Alexis gritted her teeth as she averted her eyes from Moira. She noticed a small garden on the side of the house, and she pointed at it. “Hey, Harp, why don’t you go look at the garden and see what plants you can find?”

“Ok!” Bounding off without another word, Harper’s absence gave them the chance to be alone. Alexis crossed her arms over her chest and looked back up at Moira.

“Do you really not want a relationship with me?”

“Why the sudden interest and desire to have a relationship? You’ve never wanted one until now. What’s changed? What do you need?”

“I don’t need anything. I have everything I could ever need.” Alexis hated the way she often ended up shedding tears when she was angry. It made her feel weak, and in Moira’s presence, it made her feel weaker than she’d felt in years. “I have a great life and a spectacular kid and friends who love me more than you ever could. I foolishly thought that you’d want a relationship with me. I’m your daughter.” Her voice cracked. “Does that mean nothing to you?”

Moira opened her mouth to speak, but Alexis held up her hand.

“No, let me say what I need to say.” She took a deep breath. “Do you know how much it hurts to know that your own mother didn’t want you? To know that she loves all your siblings more than she could ever love you? Do you have any idea how it hurt me that you weren’t there when Harper was born?”

“I didn’t know you wanted me there.”

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