Page 15 of A Little More Hope

People who would grab me.

Shoot me.

Kill me.

I sucked in a deep lungful of air, holding for a count of five, releasing for five, repeating the process over and over.

It wasn’t working.

This was ridiculous. We were taking a walk along the sand, for Christ’s sake. Keeping the beach house in my view at all times gave me the option of a fast escape to safety if I needed one. There was absolutely nothing to worry about.

Except people trying to grab me, shoot me, kill me.

Another deep breath. Hold and release.

Shit.

The same argument kept spinning around in my head since waking far too early, trying to work through every possible scenario. How everything would be okay, and nothing untoward would happen. So why wasn't my brain getting the message?

Melrose Bay is a small, quiet seaside town. Ash would be with me the whole time, so I’d be safe. This managed to calm me like nothing else. He’d be there to protect me, not let anyone hurt me, and that comforting thought resonated right down to my bones.

The knock on the glass made me jump all over again, and the expression on Ash’s face went from open and friendly to one of deep concern.

No, no, no, I didn’t want that. Didn’t want Ash to see my struggle to leave the safety of my self-made prison.

Pushing open the door I’d unlocked earlier, he came rushing in directly to my side. His arms instantly wrapped around me, pulling me in, soothing me as only he could. I relaxed into him, the nausea in my gut easing as Ash took the weight of my body. I grabbed ahold of him, needing his calming presence like I needed oxygen.

“I feel so dumb,” I mumbled, nuzzling into his shoulder, his body warm through the light cream sweater he had on. He smelled fresh and clean. I inhaled deeply, the scent, plus the ever-present trace of lavender, combined with his strong arms encircling me, relaxed me even more. “It’s only a damn walk, for crying out loud.”

“We don’t have to go,” he replied against my ear, sending heat prickling down my spine.

“No, I want to.” And I did. I needed to move on, get better. “But—”

“But?” he prompted when I didn’t continue.

I didn’t want to admit my fears to him. How the thought of encountering people I didn’t know petrified me beyond belief. I was a grown-ass man for goodness’ sake, yet the idea of taking what should be an easy walk turned me into a nervous wreck.

“It’s dumb,” I answered.

Ash pulled away to look me in the face. It must have been a trick of the light, but his eyes appeared a paler green today. We were so close, only centimeters apart. His lips were a dark pink, a little dry from the sea air, full, slightly parted. A confusing and wayward thought flitted across my mind that I’d barely have to move at all to close the tiny bit of distance and kiss him.

“It’s not dumb,” he said dragging me back to our conversation. “And if it’s making you feel like this, it’s extremely important.”

I sighed and tried to lighten the mood. “I think they’re out to get me.” His raised eyebrow made me smile. “It’s true.”

“Mason.” By his tone alone, I figured I was in trouble. “Speak to me.”

“Okay, okay. Since the assault, I have a hard time being around other people. The more I think about being surrounded the more agitated I get until…” I hated talking about this shit.

“Until?” Ash prompted.

“Until, I totally freak out and have a panic attack.”

He continued to hold me in his arms but loosened his grip slightly to look me in the eyes, his gaze steady. If you were to look at our position from the outside, you’d think we were two lovers embracing, enjoying a private moment. Today though, us hugging hadn’t sent me into a panic like last night. I’d spent most of my time since then going over my feelings on the topic from every possible angle, and although I’d freaked out yesterday, today I’d become more settled with them.

Ash was rapidly turning into the closest friend I’d ever had, so why shouldn’t we hug? Why shouldn’t he be there when I freak out? It’s what happened in pretty much all the buddy movies I’d seen, and now experiencing the same circumstance for the first time, I finally got why. How good being able to lean on someone else for a change made me feel, for them to be there when I needed them most.

“You know I won’t let anyone near you, right?” he told me, his tone deadly serious. “You know I’ll protect you?”

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