Page 3 of Shielding Soledad

“No. Totally normal.”

“We’ll get you upstairs right away. Dr. Shaffer called to say he was on the way. You come up with us.” Marge assessed my uniform. “Looks like you just made it. You’re the father, I assume.”

What could I answer? Maybe? I don’t know? Christ, I hated being out of the loop and out of my comfort zone. Everything about this situation made me feel lost, but I had to respond.

“He is.” Soledad spoke before I could and held out her hand to me.

I didn’t hesitate to take it. As I gripped her fingers like a lifeline, everything else drained away for a moment. I was going to be a father. Today. Something I never expected to be, something I was scared shitless of being.

What the hell did I know about being a dad? My own had been no example.

Soledad gave me a tiny smile, and I put away the worry, replacing it with determination. Whatever happened, I’d be there for my kid and Soledad.

2

ALEX

Icradled my infant son in my arms as I carefully climbed the stairs in my house. A week had passed since Luke’s rapid entrance into the world, and I wasn’t yet used to holding a baby. I was getting there, though, despite my fear of dropping Luke. When did parents get over that? I’d asked one of the nurses in the hospital that question. She’d laughed and replied, “Never completely—and once you get over that fear, being a parent will bring on ten more.”

I was a parent. A father. I’d repeated those words to myself over and over, which made them more real but left some unanswered questions. And I didn’t think I could wait much longer to know. While she was recovering in the hospital, Soledad and I had agreed that we needed to have a conversation about what happened.

I grinned as I entered the nursery. I knew what had happened. Soledad and I had made love and conceived what was now a seven-day-old baby. Luke’s eyes flickered open. No doubt this was my kid. The baby’s blue eyes and thick black hair confirmed it. Not that I had doubted Soledad’s word.

I still had questions, mostly about why she hadn't been in contact with me…but I wanted Soledad to be rested before putting those questions to her. She deserved that. The problem was that “rested” didn’t seem to be an option for either one of us these days. It hadn’t taken long for me to realize that caring for a newborn was pretty damn intense. Everyone talks about how often babies sleep, but the sleep is so broken up by feedings and diaper changes that the parents never seem to get a chance to relax. Not to mention, getting him to sleep in the first place usually required lots of time spent with Luke on a shoulder or rocking back and forth until he finally nodded off—as I just had. Not that I minded being there for my son, but taking care of him was running us ragged. I couldn’t imagine what it would have been like for Soledad if she really was going through this on her own, the way she’d intended.

After feeding Luke, Soledad had suggested that we’d have an hour or so to finally talk if I could settle him in the crib. A challenging feat, I had learned. Slowly, I lowered the baby into the frilly, fabric-trimmed bed, getting him down without waking him again. Luke stretched his arms over his head and gave a little contented sigh.

I watched him for a minute, still amazed that I’d had any part in creating something so perfect. As much as it shocked me, my family hadn’t batted an eye when I’d called them from the hospital to tell them the news. In truth, my calls to them had started as confrontations. I had assumed that they had known about Soledad’s pregnancy all along and that they were the ones to convince her to move into the house, and I was pissed they hadn’t contacted me with that information.

Turned out, it hadn’t been that simple. For the first part of the pregnancy, they really had been in the dark. Soledad hadn’t reached out to them, and they didn’t know her well enough to be in touch with her when I wasn’t around, so they hadn’t known a thing—not until she moved into the house. They had found out then. The house still hosted our regular poker games every week whether I was there or not, and it hadn’t taken them long to realize the place had a new resident. But by that point, my team had been deep into our mission and in a communications blackout, so they hadn’t been able to reach me directly. I’d found their texts waiting for me when I’d gotten back my phone, but since none of them had wanted to break the news to me via text, all their messages had said was that there was news I should know and that I should call as soon as I got a chance.

Normally, I’d have called them back ASAP, but after that shitshow of a mission, I just wasn’t in the right headspace to talk to anyone. I’d planned to reach out after I’d had a couple hours at the house to unwind, but…well…so much for that plan.

There was one advantage to them being in the know before me, though—they’d been able to help Soledad get things together for the baby. There were so many kiddos in the family at this point that there were plenty of toys and clothes and gadgets to go around. Zach had two kids—Austin was three, and Erin was six months old, born after I’d gone on my latest mission. Colin’s adopted daughter, Sofia, had just turned three, and he and his wife had another baby on the way. Our cousin Chance’s son, Ray, was a year and a half, and I’d just gotten the news that his wife was pregnant again.

Our family was growing by leaps and bounds, and it still kind of blew my mind that I had a baby of my own who was part of that. Me, a dad. It sure wasn’t anything I’d ever expected, but I’d been stunned to find that I loved every bit of it, even when I couldn’t get sleep for three hours together and had spit-up on all of my shirts. Luke had won me over from the moment he was born, which definitely ranked as the most amazing and overwhelming experience of my entire life. Despite my shaking hands, I’d cut the umbilical cord. It had been a hell of a week, I thought, still standing in the nursery.

I glanced around at the little room. I was thankful for everything my family had done to transform the space into baby central. I’d thought it was too much when I’d first seen it, but after a couple of days, I’d come to realize just how necessary every bit of it was.

With one last look at Luke and a quick verification that the baby monitor was on, I left the nursery and went downstairs to where Soledad was resting on the sofa in the living room. As usual, Frankie was curled up next to her. The little dog was never far from Soledad. She gave me a wan smile when I entered the room.

“I’m ready,” she said, straightening a little.

I didn’t have to ask for what, but I didn’t want to rush her. “Are you sure?”

“It’s time,” she said. “Let’s talk while he’s napping. I have things to explain.”

I wasn’t going to argue with that, so I sat across from her and waited.

“You have to be wondering if I knew before you left on your last mission,” she began.

I nodded, although I’d done the math and consulted an online pregnancy calendar. According to that, she could only have been a few weeks pregnant when I deployed. From what I’d heard, it usually took a month or two before women had the symptoms that made them think they might be pregnant. And some women had barely any symptoms at all, or symptoms that were easy to dismiss as some other issue.

“I didn’t. I realized it about three weeks after you left.” Her fingers stroked Frankie’s ears, and I wondered if it was more for the dog’s comfort or her own. “My period was never the most reliable, so I didn’t even notice that I was late. I was having some morning sickness, but I thought I’d caught a stomach bug. When I couldn’t seem to shake it off, though, I started to realize it might be something else. I took a test. I was…shocked at the results.”

I could imagine what that was like, especially since we’d broken up somewhere between conception and my departure. She’d been pregnant and alone. “I’m sorry you had to face that by yourself.”

She shrugged, a small smile on her face. “I got used to the idea quickly enough, and I knew that I wanted this baby. I never doubted that.”

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