Page 54 of The Lies We Tell Ourselves

B threw his hands up in exasperation. “Seriously?!” He looked at me with narrowed eyes. “You think I’m blind? I have eyes!” He carded his hands through his hair and rolled his neck. “I’ve seen how you look at him, Dil. If the others pulled their heads out of their asses, they’d see it too. But they’re too blinded by the seed of hate you planted in them.”

“Fuck off, B. This doesn’t concern you.”

He pushed up from his seat and got right in my face, teeth bared. “It does when it’s fucking you over.” He snatched the front of my hoodie and pulled me in closer. “I don’t know what happened between you, but I’m here if you need to talk. You never know, I might be able to help.”

“Is that a fucking joke?” I pushed him back and started pacing, everything playing over and over in my mind. I had hated Jamie when I first saw him. Five years worth of pain and devastation crashed into me like a tsunami, pulling me down into the dark abyss. It set my volatile anger free, and it consumed me. I wanted to ruin him—make him suffer like I had—so he’d leave, but my stupid heart took flight when I saw his steel-ringed pale-blue eyes. They’ve haunted me every moment since.

He was intoxicating, but obsession was toxic. I couldn’t allow us to crash and burn.

I needed him more than my next breath, but I stood to lose everything I’d been focused on for the last five years if I followed my heart. But could I live with myself if I didn’t? If I gave up the chance to have a life with the only person I’d ever loved? Would I live my dreams or die slowly day by day as I became bitter and rotten to the core?

The question wasn’t was he worth the sacrifice, but was he worth the truth?

My heart knew the answer. I just had to convince my head.

“No, joke. I get it, you’re confused?—”

“I’m not,” I snapped. I was fucking terrified. I was drowning, and I couldn’t find the surface. There was a wall of water in every direction, penning me in.

“Well, well, well,” Buchanan mused and slapped me on the shoulder. “Looks like fate has decided for you.”

“What the?” I turned the way he was facing, and my heart beat its way up my throat as butterflies swarmed in my stomach. “Wow,” I breathed as my eyes roamed over Jamie. Buchanan’s guttural laugh made me want to punch him.

“He’s something else.” B pinned me with a knowing look. “If you don’t want him, they will be lining up around the block for him.”

I grunted and flipped him off before I stalked across the grass to where Jamie stood with his sidekicks. They were like shadows, never leaving his side. And believe me, I knew that, because I stalked his fine ass all over the campus grounds. He might not have seen me, but if I wasn’t in class, on the field, or in the gym, I was watching him. Cory had come through with everything he could find on Jamie “Bowen,” but it only went back five years. It wasn’t the whole truth, not by a long shot. My boy had skeletons in his dark closet, and I was determined to find them.

“Uh oh,” the annoying rainbow pixie muttered under her breath as I drew closer.

“Ava.” The look of surprise that flashed across her face made me smug. “Malachi.” I nodded at the guy standing on Jamie’s other side. “So nice of you guys to come and celebrate my birthday.” Being polite to them was like pulling teeth. Why couldn’t they just fuck off? I wanted Jamie. All of him. Alone.

“Next time, say it like you mean it,” Ava clapped back like a snappy puppy with small dog syndrome.

“How about we go and get a drink, Aves? And let these two…” Malachi’s words fizzled out as he rolled his hand in our direction before dragging a prickly Ava toward the house. I felt her heated gaze on me until I focused on my little crow, and the entire world melted away.

I stepped into the cover of the shadows behind Jamie, hooked my fingers through his belt loops, and pulled him into me. He was wrapped in a cocoon of his delicious caramel scent, and just a hint of it had my blood rushing south and my mouth watering. My heart was hammering, and nervous energy poured off me in waves as I feared someone might see us. But when Jamie’s back was flush with my chest, he released a little sigh and melted into me.

I dragged my nose along the column of his neck, inhaling his sweet scent. He arched his neck, giving me full access to his soft skin, and I peppered kisses up to his ear. I breathed a sigh of relief that he was back in my arms. “I’ve missed you.” My lips brushed the shell of his ear, and he shuddered.

Jamie looked up at me from under his dark lashes and chewed on his bottom lip. It felt like I was balanced on a tightrope while I waited for him to speak. He finally put me out of my misery. “I’ve missed you too, Dil.” He turned in my arms until we were chest to chest, and his closeness short-wired my brain. My world began and ended with him.

Jamie’s hand snaked up my chest, sending bolts of electricity across my skin and cupped the nape of my neck. He pushed in closer to me as if he was trying to fuse us together. I had to bite back the groan rumbling in my chest when his hard length brushed against mine. His nimble fingers carded through my hair and he pulled me down so our lips were a hair’s breadth apart.

“Happy birthday, babe,” he breathed before slamming his mouth against mine. I gasped into his dominating kiss as his tongue licked across my bottom lip, eliciting a needy moan from me. I hungered for his taste. My lips parted as a fever stole over me, and I spun us around and crushed Jamie into the fence.

“It is now,” I growled against his slick lips and pushed my thigh between his legs, encouraging him to roll his hips. I luxuriated in the feel of his hardness moving against mine as his body heat burned me through the layers separating us. I gripped his jaw and maneuvered his head until I could take control of our frantic kiss and devour him.

Jamie mewled as he rocked against me, the tempo of his thrusts increasing as I tasted every corner of his mouth and wrapped my tongue around his. We dueled and fought back and forth, and no matter how aggressive and demanding I was, he never faltered. Jamie was a lit match, and I was a vat of kerosene. It was only a matter of time until we detonated.

My tattooed hand pawed at his clothes until my fingers touched burning skin. I needed to feel all of it against me. I needed to sink inside him and never leave. I’d never craved anyone with the ferocity I did for him. He was my savior and my undoing. I didn’t care how far we fell as long as we did it together.

I feasted on his full lips and sucked them into my mouth, gladly swallowing down every whimpered cry and wanton moan. I’d forgotten how to breathe as I surrendered to Jamie. Who needed to breathe anyway? I kissed him until my lungs screamed, and my legs were on the verge of buckling. I pulled back from him and sucked in drugging lungfuls of air. I had to brace my hand on the fence beside his head as my chest heaved, and stars danced across my vision.

“T-that…was…” Jamie panted and rested his forehead against my chest. My whole body pulsed with need, and I could barely think. His hands slipped down and anchored on my hips. He held on to me like he was afraid I was going to vanish.

A rambunctious laugh pierced the lust-filled bubble we’d lost ourselves in, and we jumped apart as the rest of the party filtered back into focus around us. What we had done was not only dangerous but stupid. There was still a target on Jamie’s back, and I was on the precipice of losing everything. Being out in the open like this was just asking for trouble to find us.

In the muted light, I could just make out Jamie’s swollen glistening lips and glazed eyes. He looked seconds away from blowing his load as he smirked up at me and stroked his hand over the obvious bulge in his skin-tight pants. My eyes tracked his tongue as it ran across his puffy lip, but it was his moan that snapped my control. I grabbed his arm and yanked him until he fell into step beside me. We used the shadows for cover to cross the yard, avoiding the other partygoers and slipped inside the house without anyone seeing us together.

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