Page 129 of Your Side of the Offense

"I'll do anything, Harv. Let me try and make this right. I know you don't trust me. But I want to try." I am not beyond being on my knees asking for his forgiveness right now. But still, he gives me nothing. Just his ear. Not his words. Not his softness. No clear sign of acceptance or willingness.

"Baby, what can I do?" I step closer, only stopping when I am right in front of him. I stand there for what feels like hours. Tears fighting to get out, but I can’t cry.

Finally, he turns to me slowly. He looks down at me and my neck is craned to him, heart pounding faster. This could go either way.

"What do you expect from me, Summer?" he asks. It isn't a malicious question, but he is honestly asking.

"Nothing and everything." I answer honestly.

"Do you see how hypocritical that is though?" he asks.

"Yes."

"If you were in my shoes, what would you do?"

"Call the police," I answer honestly.

He smiles but it doesn't reach his eyes, nor is it joyful. "So, what do you want from me?"

"I want your forgiveness. I want you to be better than me and hear me. I want you to give me a chance to earn your forgiveness. I want you to let me be your friend again. I want us. I want it all, Harvey."

"And what will you do to get it?"

"Anything."

The answer doesn't seem to please him. He just gives me a blank stare instead.

After a few minutes, I say. "I know I messed up…but you guys didn't give me a chance to handle it better either. Why didn't you tell me?"

He looks away from me and I feel like such an ass. The shame in his features tell me everything I need to know. How could he tell? How could he tell his girlfriend he got raped by another girl. Would I have believed him? Am I part of a bigger problem in society?

"I'm sorry that happened to you," I say.

His phone rings before he answers me. I don't back away. He fishes his phone from his pocket and scowls when he sees the screen. He looks uncomfortable but doesn't ask me to move away.

"Yes," he answers. I can't hear the words of the person on the other line but I can hear it's a male. "Why must I be there?" he says. "This is bullshit." He listens. "Fine. Okay." Then he hangs up.

His whole demeanor is tense, and I want to take his burdens off from him. I don't know exactly what's going on with him, but I know it’s family related and it’s not good.

His eyes focus on me, his mask back on. "Look, Summer, I have things to deal with. I heard you. I need time to sort my shit out. If you don't mind…"

Ouch. This is not how I pictured this going. I had hoped this was the perfect opportunity for me to swoop in with my shoulder to cry on and my ear to help him through this, like before. He used to unload all his worries on me and we would talk about it all. But now I’m iced out.

I choose the big girl road and nod.

"Okay. But I am here if you need anything. To talk or whatever…"

He nods. And I know I am dismissed by the detached stare he gives me which hurts more than anything else. I gather my tattered heart from the floor, turn and walk out of the room.

How I wish I would just disappear and not have to pass the living room. The lone tear slides down my face when I close the door behind me. I wipe it away quickly and clear my throat to help the emotions go back down. I don't want any of them to see me crying.

But of course, the universe has other plans. I run straight into Caleb on the stairs. I should have gone to the bathroom instead. He sees me and by the concern on his face, he sees I'm crying too. I stop after three steps, knowing I am not going to escape his probing and care anyway.

"How did it go?" he asks.

I shake my head and the emotions burst forth, the dam breaking.

"Come here." He pulls me to his room and quickly closes the door behind him.

---