Would he accept it if I said I want to break up because I have a lot of schoolwork?
I sigh, shaking my head. He'd probably find some way to make me feel bad that I have so much schoolwork and no time for him, and I'd end up saying I will manage.
Fuck my fucking life.
It pains me a little that the squad is still kind of icing me out. While Logan can't see past my bullshit, others definitely have keener eyes.
Hazel and I aren't actively at odds anymore, but there’s reservation on her end. We talked and made up, but she wants us to take it slow because of how I'm treating Logan.
You'd swear she has personal shares in my relationship. I don't know why it matters to her so much. The other girls also pulled back, though their distance hurts less. Still though I miss our weekend shopping trips and just fun girly things we used to do. I don't even have them to critique my outfit, or Lin's unimpressed stare and blunt mouth.
But then there’s Arch. I haven't seen him all week, and we’ve barely spoken. Just a text on Tuesday asking how I was.
It’s a bit awkward now. I can't help knowing he will want more, and I know at some point I will have to choose.
But I don't trust myself to be alone with him right now, so I also haven't gone to him. I asked Caleb to check his sleeping for me though. Thankfully Arch slept three times this week, less than optimal but it's progress.
I don't know when I'll see him, but I do prefer it to be in public this time. Maybe I should ask him to have some coffee in the city. Preferably somewhere nice where most students can't afford.
I shake my head and look in my mirror at my outfit.
"You are insane, Su. Totally bonkers."
"No, I'm not crazy. I just need to check on him."
"Logan's goons may see you and you might need to give more head in the future."
I grimace.
"Fuck you, you weak ass bitch."
A knock pulls me out of my cycle down the cuckoo rabbit hole. Turning, I check my ass out in my skirt and wink at myself. The new skirt is a fucking fit. Makes my ass look like a juicy peach.
Schooling my face to a neutral, I jerk the door open.
"Boyfriend!" I beam at Logan, and he smiles, licking his lips before he kisses me. I giggle at his kiss, and he pulls back, checking me out.
"Spin for me," he requests.
Backing away, I oblige him and he lets loose an appreciative whistle.
"Sexy. I like it," he praises.
"You look hot too." I giggle.
"Are you ready to fuck out of here?"
"Yes, just…uh, my lip one last time…" I take my long-stay dark purple lipstick, and apply the same color gloss, then air kiss myself. "Done."
I take my phone and he escorts me out throwing a hand over my shoulders as we leave. He drives us to their party, this one the precursor to the Halloween party next week and everybody is buzzed about it.
I am not as excited, but what can you do but show face and smile and pretend you’re there for the drugs and the dance floor with all those sweaty gyrating bodies?
Fuck my life.
25
GONE GIRL