Page 8 of Father Figure

CHAPTER FOUR

Antigua was magical.

It was easy to see why Cass and Sam were charmed by life at sea. The blistering hot sun reflected off scorching white sands and crystal-blue waters, but there was a beautiful breeze to cool you off because the island had no barriers. Cass moored the boat just offshore for privacy while our clients, Jennifer and Tom, snorkeled and sunbathed with Sam as their guide. Meanwhile, I accompanied Cass ashore in a dinghy to hit the village market for supplies.

The village center was no more than three blocks wide. You'd miss it if you blinked, yet it teemed with life and culture. Closer to the marina, the stores were more heavily catered toward tourists, with T-shirts and trinkets I had no interest in. But here, clear across town, there was nothing but locals going about their daily life on the island. Most villagers had rich dark skin and bright white smiles and wore the most beautiful bold colors. I was enchanted.

“I've never seen anything so beautiful,” I breathed, taking it all in. I was acting like a kid who'd seen his first snow, spinning in circles with my arms outstretched, in the very center of the square.

It was like the air here did something to me, something magical. I felt carefree and lighter than I ever had. When I stopped spinning, my eyes fell on Cass, who looked at me much like I looked at the town, enchanted. We stopped at each vendor's cart, and Cass pointed out fruits I'd never seen before. He bought one of each for me to taste, feeding me juicy chunks of dragon fruit and star fruit, jicama that tasted like licorice, citrusy-sweet tamarind balls, and we washed it all down with a coconut fresco drink that was to die for. They even served it in the coconut shell!

Cass purchased a huge sugarcane stalk, snapped it in half, and offered me a piece.

“Here, just bite into it.”

“The whole plant?”

“The whole plant,” he insisted, smiling. “You can suck the sweetness from it.”

I watched him go first, my body reacting strangely to the sight of his lips wrapped around the plant, his throat working as he sucked at the pulp. And then his tongue snaked out to swipe the sugar from his lips, and I felt it in my balls.

Why? Yeah, he's hot, but why now? Was it some coming-of-age thing? Some magical Caribbean mojo working a spell on my body?

For the past few years, I'd been aware of his good looks and his effortless charm, but I always treated it like a harmless crush. The ache in my balls was not a harmless crush. It was desire, pure and simple. I saw what his mouth could do to that stalk of sugarcane, and I got turned on thinking of what it could do to me.

Fuck Nicky, get a hold of yourself. It's Cass!

Next, we moved to the seafood stalls, where Cass chose fresh conch, jumbo prawns, and mahi-mahi. We were going to eat like kings on this trip. Maybe he and Sam would teach me to cook.

When I was younger, I would watch Cass sail away as I stood on the dock and waved goodbye, my heart hurting. I would ask myself why he was leaving again. Didn't we have fun? Doesn't he love me? Doesn't he love my father? When he would come home for the off-season, I used to think that the more fun we had as a family, the more we laughed, and the more memories we made, it might be enough to persuade him to stay this time.

But every year come spring, he would leave again, and I would only see him a handful of times over the next six months. Now, as I stood there looking at it all through the eyes of a young man instead of a young boy, I could see why he was so easily persuaded. It had nothing to do with not loving me. It was the call of the ocean, the adventure, like a siren's song.

How could anyone turn this down? I felt alive in a way I never had before. Who wouldn't want to feel alive every day?

As we made our way down the winding narrow streets back to the boat, Cass slipped his hand in mine, swinging them lightly back and forth.

“I'm so glad you're here with me. So many times I would come here and I thought about you, wishing I could share this place with you. It used to make me feel lonely, but now you're here with me, and everything is perfect.”

This time, the ache came from my heart, not my balls. Fucking Cass, always saying what I needed to hear, even if he didn’t know I needed it.

That night we dined on fried conch fritters, a jicama and tamarind salad, and the most delicious mango mousse. It was hard to tell which I enjoyed more, the food or the atmosphere. Our guests chose to eat in the small dining room, while we ate up on deck, topside, under the stars. The sound of the waves was a constant lullaby that I would never tire of hearing on repeat.

“Where did you learn to cook like this?” I asked.

“Sam and I have taken a couple of courses here and there when we realized we had to feed these people.”

Sam laughed. “I do better with prep work, like a sous chef. Cass is the real chef.”

I watched him as he ate, popping a conch fritter into his mouth and sucking the grease from his fingers. Was there anything he couldn't do? He'd always been one of my favorite people, but seeing so many new sides of him on this trip was only feeding my adoration, and it was beginning to turn into a severe case of hero worship. I was having completely inappropriate feelings, and I didn’t know what to do with them. But the more I watched and learned about him, the more I wanted him.

Earlier today in the market, I’d wanted him in a physical way, but right now, it was my heart that wanted him. I wanted Cass to belong to me. Not just for the summer, not just for six months out of the year, but every day.

Cass and Sam cleared away the dishes, and when I stepped into the tiny kitchen to help, my heart dropped into my stomach like an anchor sinking to the bottom of the ocean. Sam had his arms on Cass’s hips, and I couldn't tell if he was whispering in his ear or nibbling on it, but it was… intimate.

“I'm sorry, I was just?—”

“No, it's fine.”

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