Page 9 of Father Figure

At least that's what he tried to convince me of, but Cass moved away from Sam like he'd been burned. My heart beat fast and loud.

Sam glared at Cass. “So that's how it's going to be all summer?”

“Sam—” Cass called, but Sam was gone.

My tongue felt thick and heavy in my dry mouth. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…”

“No, I'm sorry.”

Cue the awkward silence that only ratcheted my anxiety to the next level. We moved around each other wordlessly as we cleaned up, but I'd never been so aware of him before.

“Cass? Are you and Sam…?”

“Nicky, I didn't mean for you to see that. I'm sorry.”

“No, I mean, you should like who you like. I just didn't know that you and Sam were, you know, together.”

Cass laughed, and the familiar happy sound eased some of my anxiety.

“We're not together. Sam is my best friend, and that's all he'll ever be.”

“Yeah but, you were just?—”

“I know what you saw, and I know what you must think, but that's not how it is. Sit down,” he gestured to the round banquet squeezed into the corner. “Sam and I are close like friends are, and sometimes we, you know…”

He stared like he was hoping I would fill in the blanks. I just stared back, raising my brows, waiting for him to explain.

“Sometimes we play together. When we're lonely, or sometimes just for fun. Sometimes, we play with other people when we're together. It doesn't mean anything, it's just pleasure and comfort. I'm not in love with Sam. And he's not in love with me.”

“But you were with my dad.” And then I realized, maybe Cass wasn't as great of a guy as I thought he was.

“No, Nicky, don't think that. I never cheated on your father. At least, neither he nor I considered it cheating. I was upfront with Brian right from the start. He knew we were a package deal and that he was getting Sam when he got me.”

“So, my dad and Sam?”

“No,” he laughed, almost choking on the sound. “No, your dad had no interest in playing with us, but he understood it was something we did, that we've always done, and that it didn't mean anything more than just taking a moment to make each other feel good. Couples who play with other people are more common than you realize. It happens all the time, although that doesn't mean it's for everyone. But to me, as long as you're honest about it, and you're not sneaking around hiding and lying, then you're not cheating. Not as long as your partner consents. Now, if I were developing feelings for another man, or I was emotionally distancing myself, seeking comfort from someone else instead of my partner, or telling lies, that's cheating. That would hurt much, much worse.”

Yeah, that would definitely hurt. I couldn't imagine being so in love with someone, realizing they weren't who I thought they were, and that they were lying to me every day. Not with the way I felt things so deeply. That kind of betrayal would crush me.

“How did you know you were ready, you know, the first time?”

“The first time I was with a man?”

I nodded, not trusting my voice to squeak like a mouse. It happened all the time when I became nervous.

Cass laughed, like an easy chuckle. “God, I was scared shitless during high school. I had a huge crush on a guy on my rowing team. He used to take his shirt off when he got hot, muscles bulging. Fuck, I was a goner for him. Of course, he was straight, so I was shit out of luck. But I used to dream of him at night when I—” His face heated and we both laughed, knowing what he was about to say.

“When I got to college, I guess I had more confidence, and I was less afraid of what people would think. I never really came out as gay. In college, I just began to experiment and come out of my shell bit by bit, and my parents observed quietly. I'm sure they had opinions about my lifestyle, but they've never shared them. Sam's family was a bit different. They made their displeasure a little more obvious, but they wouldn't dare speak about such things. Nice families don't do that,” he said, making a face.

“The first time I was ever with a guy was Sam, and I wasn't scared because it was Sam. Although I remember feeling like my heart was going to beat right out of my chest, but somehow it just added to the sexual excitement. I can't remember who came first, but I do know that neither of us lasted more than three minutes,” he recalled, laughing. “We were a mess of hormones and lust and bad ideas.”

“And you never got tired of playing with him after all these years?”

“I guess not. Maybe because we're bonded in a way, but nobody can bring me off faster than Sam. He knows exactly how to touch me to drive me out of my mind. He's a beautiful man.”

I couldn't argue with him. Sam’s dark beauty was undeniable. And his bad boy, devil-may-care charm, only added fuel to his fire. Together, they must be volcanic. What I wouldn't give to see that.

“What about you, Nicky? Are you afraid?”

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