Page 55 of Father Figure

“It was only supposed to be one night. Nicky came to me and…” No, I couldn’t blame this on him. I wouldn’t. As his Daddy, as someone who loved him, I couldn’t let him take responsibility for this. “I don’t know, Brian. I don’t know what to tell you. I love him. I always have, and I don’t know how to say no to him.” Looking him square in the eye, I finally admitted the truth. “I didn’t want to say no to him.”

“Is this about me? Is this some sort of way to get back at me for ending things between us?”

“No! It has nothing to do with us. I don’t blame you for the way things ended between us. I had as much part to play in it as you did. This is about me and Nicky. I wish I could explain it to you, but I will never be able to find the words to justify my actions. Things changed this summer, and, as you said, he’s growing up. We had all this… I don’t know, chemistry. It all happened so quickly, and before I knew it, I was in too deep to turn back.”

“You didn’t want to turn back,” he accused.

“No, I didn’t.” Brian did some deep breathing of his own, probably trying to get a hold of his temper. “You said he was happy?” I asked.

He rolled his eyes, scoffing. “Deliriously happy.” I risked a small smile, unable to hold it back. “You bought my boy that thong?” he asked angrily.

“No! God no.” I laughed, remembering my reaction to seeing him in it, and the white bathing suit. “I made him promise to leave them at home next time.”

Brian slumped down into the chair with his head buried in his hands. “I’m surprised Sam let you get away with such a stupid idea.” I stared at his brown waves, identical to his son’s, and watched as his head slowly rose, as he began to put the pieces together. “You and Sam? Sam didn’t stop you because he’s in on it.” Then he sprang to his feet, ready to kick my ass again. “That motherfucker touched my son?” His face was mottled red, and his eyes sparked with vengeance. “I’ll fucking kill him.”

I held my hands up to slow him. “Brian, nobody did anything they didn’t want to do. Nicky had a thousand chances to back out and he never once looked back.”

“So that’s it? You’re gonna pass my son around as your fuck toy all summer and then throw him aside in the fall when he goes back to school? With a broken heart?”

“No! Never. Nicky and I… I…”

“No! No, Cass, don’t you dare say it.” His eyes grew wet. He knew what I was going to say. “My boy is in love with you. I can tell, I can see it. I don’t know if it’s some silly crush, or if it’s more than that, but he’s in love, and if I try to talk sense into him, I’m afraid I’ll lose him.”

If I had any doubts about our future together, which I did—plenty of them—his assurance that Nicky was in love with me laid many of them to rest. He slumped down into the chair again, pinching the bridge of his nose, and wiped his eyes. I took the seat across from him.

“Brian,” I said softly, but he stopped me.

“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?” I nodded instead of speaking. “What about next summer when you have to leave again and the summer after that?”

“He’ll come with me. We'll spend our summers together on the boat. And when he returns to school, I’ll be working at the marina, waiting for him to come home every day. I learned from my mistakes with you, and I won’t repeat them. The thought of jeopardizing my future with him because I put him second to the business scares the shit out of me. Nicky comes first, over the ocean, over the business, and even over Sam. Nicky is my priority.”

Brian sighed heavily. “I guess a part of me is relieved that it’s you.” Nothing he said could have surprised me more. “I’m relieved that he’s chosen someone who already loves him, that always has, and always will. Unconditional love. I’m relieved that he found someone supportive and understanding of the things that make him special, of his dreams for his future, and someone who will look after him and keep him safe.”

The breath I released was heavy with relief. Thank fuck, he was starting to come around.

“I just want you to know that this doesn’t mean I think what you’re doing is right. It’s gonna take a long time to wrap my head around this. I really don’t want to think about you doing to my son some of the things you used to do to me.”

I covered my face because I couldn’t hide my smirk, and I didn’t want to get punched again. Brian pushed to his feet, and I followed him to the front door.

“Let Sam know when I see him I’m gonna punch him in the fucking mouth, just like I did you.”

“I’ll let him know,” I said with a small smile. He deserved it just as much as I did. He walked out the door, but I called after him, “Brian.”

He turned. “Yeah?”

“I’m in love with your son, and I’m gonna spend the rest of my life looking after him, making sure that he laughs every single day, and that he’s happy.”

He gave me a single nod. “I'm gonna hold you to that promise.”

My mind was stuck on repeat, going over the potential consequences of coming clean with Brian. Besides Sam's imminent split lip, was there another price I’d have to pay for being honest with him? Would Nicky hate me? What if it changed his relationship with his father for the worse? That wasn’t something I wanted to be responsible for. The wondering and worrying were driving me insane. For the last hour, I’d been wearing a hole in my area rug, pacing in circles as I pulled out my hair. It was Nicky who saved me from spiraling with his text.

Nicky:

Want to meet for dinner?

When and where?

Nicky:

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