Page 14 of Swiping Right (and other disasters)

Kiera swallowed and opened her mouth to say something, but nothing would come out. She felt her heartbeat speed up as she tried to digest what Chrissie had just said. She tried to wipe her eyes, and took a sip of tea. She sat down on the edge of the bed, afraid she might physically crumple in the way she could feel herself crumpling mentally. “I’m not attractive to you anymore?” she asked, hiccoughing and dreading the answer, but knowing she had to ask.

Chrissie looked away, and for a moment Kiera thought she might cry too. But she remained oddly detached. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry.”

“I wondered whether the issue might just be monogamy. It’s a social construct, as you know,” said Chrissie, as though she was teaching a seminar. “I’m not sure I was made just to be with one person forever.”

“As I know? What are you saying? Is there someone else?” Kiera felt incredulous, and had an urge to laugh at the spectacular way in which her life seemed to be unravelling before her eyes.

“No, no. No one else now. But perhaps we need to think about having a more open relationship?”

“Stop,” said Kiera. “Stop talking. I can’t listen to this anymore. Do you remember our wedding vows? Do you remembering us promising to be everything to each other forever? Did that mean anything to you?”

“Of course it did,” said Chrissie, looking up at Kiera. “But things changed. Maybe you’d be happy if you were able to see other people too?”

“No. No, that won’t make me happy. I honestly don’t know what to say to you.” She stood up and left the room, taking her half-drunk tea with her.

She went down the stairs and shrugged on her coat, leaving the house and closing the front door with a slam. Lou lived only ten minutes’ walk away on a street parallel with her own, but further along the High Street, so she started in that direction. It was cold and dark, and there were only a few people about. Her head was ringing with the revelations of her conversation with Chrissie.

It was only when she rang the doorbell that Kiera looked at her watch and realised it was past 11pm and she was still hanging onto her tea, which by now was stone cold. She heard a muffled voice from the open window above her head, and then footsteps.

Lou appeared at the door, her face uncertain. “Oh God, I’m so sorry, I had no idea it was this late,” said Kiera.

“What’s happened?” asked Lou, ignoring Kiera’s words. “You look awful. Is someone dead? What’s going on? Who’s dead?”

“No one’s dead.” Kiera put down the mug, finally, on the sideboard in Lou’s hall. “Well, perhaps my marriage.” And with that statement, Kiera’s face crumpled. Lou drew her into her dressing-gown-covered arms, and the two of them stood there for a moment, before Lou spoke again.

“I think I need to open a bottle of wine. Red or white?”

“Red,” said Kiera, following her closest friend into the house. They sat in the kitchen together, once Lou had gone upstairs to reassure her husband that everything was ok.

Slowly, Kiera relayed the conversation she had just had. She repeated it verbatim, certain every word was seared into her soul. Lou said very little to start with, just listened, her eyebrows slowly rising higher up her forehead. Eventually, the tale told, there was a silence.

“What a wanker she is,” said Lou, before taking a generous mouthful of her wine.

Kiera giggled and then sobbed. “Yes, I think you might be right.” She wiped her eyes with the tissues Lou had surreptitiously placed beside her. “What on earth do I do now?”

“Do? Well, my lovely friend, I think you need to do nothing. She might just be having a rush of blood to the head or a mid-life crisis or a psychological break. Wait and see what the morning brings.”

“But what about tonight?”

“Well, that’s easy. You can sleep here in the spare room.” Kiera glanced at her mobile. There were a couple of missed calls from Chrissie, and a message asking where she was. “Don’t answer,” said Lou, “keep her guessing for a bit. Are you hungry? Ferny made biscuits at school. Look at these babies.”

“Um. They look interesting.”

“Yep. I’m not sure about the green icing myself but apparently, Ferny insisted. I do have some fruit and nut hidden at the back of the treat cupboard.”

“Perfect,” said Kiera, feeling less slightly as if the world had spun off its axis. Of course Lou was right. It was just a moment of madness on Chrissie’s part. They talked more about Chrissie’s unhealthy connection to the Infinite Bliss community.

“Sounds like a cult to me,” said Lou conspiratorially.

“I said that to her once, but it didn’t go down well.”

“Is it a getting older thing? Is she having a mid-life crisis, maybe?”

“Yeah, could be,” said Kiera, the wine beginning to take the edge off her dread.

They talked until after 1am, and then Lou tucked Kiera up in the box room. She kissed Kiera’s cheek. “It will be ok, hun,” she said, before leaving for her own bedroom.

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