Page 44 of Kayak Girl

I paused, the rope in my hands momentarily forgotten. “I know,” I admitted, the weight of my guilt heavy in my voice. “It just... got complicated. I never meant to hurt him.”

Weston regarded me thoughtfully. “Life’s messy, Elle. We’re all just trying to do our best, learn from our mistakes.”

I nodded, feeling my human-ness strongly today. I sent a quick prayer to God, thanking Him for Weston’s kindness and understanding. Who would’ve thought that he, of all people, would have been so quick to extend forgiveness toward me?

I ended the day in my kayak, watching the sunset paint the sky in hues of orange and purple. In the quiet, I whispered a prayer, seeking guidance. This situation was giving me ample chances to put into practice what I’d read in Thessalonians. It was far from easy, but I knew it was necessary. In the face of judgment and heartache, I was learning to embrace responsibility, to seek forgiveness, and to trust in a plan greater than my own.

After dinner that evening, I wrote a letter of apology to Gray. I figured if he didn’t want to talk, maybe he would read my letter. I asked Weston to leave it on Gray’s bed, along with his hoodie.

The rest of the week, I co-led with Weston and gave my all to ensure the kids had a great time and learned of God’s truths. Throughout the week, I found myself looking for Gray, hoping for a glimpse, a chance to explain, to apologize. But he remained elusive, his absence a constant reminder of the discord between us. He was there, but he wasn’t. He always sat far away from me. If I came near, he moved back. He also managed to help with dinner prep when I wasn’t around.

The summer camp drew to a close, and nothing had changed between us. I’d apologized as much as he’d let me. What more could I do? I couldn’t pester him indefinitely. I had to respect his choices. After much prayer, I decided it would be best to continue with my road trip. There was no longer a reason for me to stay. After all, that was my original plan, and I could absolutely continue to live out God’s will for my life as I traveled. On the Friday afternoon, as soon as camp ended, I packed up my things.

I found Brenda in the reception room. “No makeup today, Brenda?” I asked, trying to keep my tone light.

“No, Dave and I are attending a birthday party tomorrow, so I am letting my face rest today. I’m going to be glowing tomorrow.”

“Ooh, sounds fun,” I said. “I just came by to tell you I’ve decided its time for me to continue with my road trip.”

“You’re leaving so soon?”

“Yes, I’m all packed up already. I didn’t want to overstay my welcome now that the camp is finished,” I said as I blinked back tears.

“You could never overstay your welcome. I hope you aren’t leaving because of Gray,” Brenda said indignantly, and a small part of me loved that she was on my side.

“No. I’m the one at fault. It’s for the better, though. I should finish my road trip. It’ll be good for me,” I said, hoping to convince myself more than anything.

“Oh, honey, I hate to see you go. You’re like the daughter I never had. Are you sure you must go? I can just kick Gray out of town?” Her sweet loyalty caused me to smile.

“I’m sure. My things are already packed up. I just wanted to thank you and say goodbye. You’ll never know how much I will treasure my time here.”

“We’ve loved having you. But you’re only allowed to leave if you promise to visit?” Brenda said as she crushed me in a hearty hug.

“Oh, I’ll try my best. But I will promise to call,” I replied through tears.

I said my goodbyes to Jenny, Rick, Weston, and the other leaders that had become like family over the last few weeks.

I arrived at a campsite on St. Helena Island after about an hour’s drive. It wasn’t very far from Hilton Head, but I was losing daylight and finding a safe space to settle was more important than distance at this point. What now, God?

Chapter 32

GRAY

The last week of the summer camp finished without a glitch. The kids made epic memories and had the chance to hear about their heavenly Father. Everything was as it should be, but it wasn’t.

I exhaled a heavy sigh. Elle, with her gentle demeanor and piercing gaze, had become an exquisite agony to be around. I wanted desperately to erase the sting of her deceit, to smooth over the creases in my trust, but the wounds were stubborn, refusing to fade. I waited to feel the justice and the rightness after breaking things off with Elle, but it never came. Eventually, I gave up praying about it because I felt like I wasn’t getting the answers I was looking for.

That evening, the camp was abuzz with the sounds of departure, as everyone packed up to return to their normal lives. In my dorm, I was packing when Weston entered.

“Hey man,” I said and gave a nod in his direction. “Thanks so much for stepping in with Elle. You’re a good friend.”

“Dude. I think you should give Elle a chance,” he said, his voice steady yet insistent.

I turned to him, incredulity lacing my tone. “What? Why have you changed your tune?”

“Have you read her letter?” he inquired.

“I’ve read pieces of it,” I replied dismissively, recalling how I’d merely skimmed the opening lines before discarding it. “Besides, an apology doesn’t erase her deceit. I mean, Kayley even apologized to me.”

---