Page 43 of Kayak Girl

“But how? Everyone is so different. How can one list apply to everyone?”

Brenda smiled, her eyes twinkling with wisdom. “Because it’s not a list of destinations, occupations, or titles. It’s a list that guides us to look at the state of our hearts. God’s will for you and for me has less to do with what we do, and more about how we do it. He wants our hearts to be in tune with His.”

“Okay, I think I can handle that.”

“I know you can. And remember, Elle, God’s grace is sufficient for us, for His power is made perfect in our weakness.”

I gave Brenda a hug and thanked her for her time. As I left, her words echoed in my mind, guiding me back to my dorm with a purpose. My fingers trembled slightly as I picked up my well-worn Bible, its pages familiar and comforting. Flipping through, I found the verses Brenda had mentioned.

The words seemed to leap off the page, resonating deeply. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath, feeling the weight of my recent actions. My heart lifted in prayer. “Forgive me Lord. Guide me,” I whispered. “Help me to embrace these teachings, to embody the things You value.” The prayer flowed from my heart, a plea for wisdom and strength.

I sat there with my Bible open on my lap. The more I pondered, the clearer it became. I needed to see my commitment through with the summer camp—it was a responsibility I couldn’t abandon. And Gray... I owed him more than just an apology; I needed to show him my remorse, no matter how difficult it felt.

Chapter 30

GRAY

Ibegged off leading worship at church this morning, as I was in no state to lead anyone. Full disclosure: I was mad at God for letting me experience the pain of betrayal yet again. But I would attend church. Long ago, I’d committed to that discipline, no matter my mood. No need to break that commitment today.

The entire drive to church, I prepared myself to face Elle. I built up walls around my heart by reliving the look of guilt on her face. All night I’d stared at the ceiling, thinking back to all her actions over the last two weeks. It all made sense now. That day she ran from me on the beach. She must have seen my email address on the flyer. How could I be such an idiot?

It was anticlimactic to find Elle had skipped church altogether. My walls were heavy, especially when they weren’t necessary.

“How’re you holding up, man?” Weston asked after the service.

“Fine. I knew it was a risk. I just need a day to cool off. The mountain bike trails at Sea Pines Forest Reserve will do the trick. I’m hoping to clear my head and pray. I should’ve done more of that before getting involved with Elle. You were right.”

“Want company?”

“Not today, but thanks, bro.”

I left church and hit the mountain bike trails. As I pedaled through the rugged paths, I tried to pray about my frustrations with Elle. However, it felt as though my words were lost in the wind. I wanted to experience the same justice I felt when Kayley’s lies were exposed. But no sense of justice settled over me.

I knew I had done the right thing. Lies were unacceptable. God even listed them as a sin in the Bible. I was right. Or was I? Was I applying scripture correctly here? Was this situation as black and white as it was in my mind? I didn’t know, but one thing I was certain of; I could never repeat what I went through with Kayley. Period.

Chapter 31

ELLE

I’d opted to not attend church yesterday as I didn’t want to cause trouble for Gray. So I’d spent my Sunday praying and reconnecting with God.

The cool, dewy air of Monday morning hung around us as all the leaders walked to the beach to start the summer camp. I never saw Gray during breakfast, but I counted that as a small mercy. It might have been too awkward. He was my co-leader, so I knew I’d see him in a matter of minutes. My heart raced as I made my way to the activity field, clutching a clipboard that suddenly felt like a shield in a battle for which I wasn’t prepared. I stood with our normal group of kids and waited. I expected Gray to join us as he usually did, but instead, I was greeted by the familiar, albeit unexpected, face of Weston.

“Morning, Elle,” Weston’s voice was casual, but his eyes held a flicker of something unreadable. “Gray asked Amy if he could be on admin for the rest of the week. So, I’m your new co-leader. He thought it would be... easier.”

Easier. The word echoed in my mind, a polite way of saying that Gray couldn’t bear to be near me. I swallowed the lump in my throat, nodding in understanding while a part of me crumbled inside.

As we led the children through various games, Weston’s initially light conversation gradually took on a probing quality. Each question, each casual remark, felt like a small test, a way to peel back the layers of the situation.

“You know, Elle,” he said as we set up for tug-of-war, “I warned Gray not to get involved with you. I thought you’d be in and out of his life the way Kayley was. But I gotta admit, I never thought you’d stay after what went down on Saturday. I’m starting to wonder if you’re the real deal.”

“Thank you, I think.”

“And I am sorry about Saturday. I never for a second thought that email address would lead to you.”

“No worries, I was being a coward in not talking to Gray about it. I kept finding excuses. As much as I hated Saturday, I’m kinda glad it’s out in the open now. I just wish I could talk to Gray about it.”

“I hope for your sake he comes around. He’s just really upset right now. Gray’s not a bad guy, just... he’s been burned before. Takes things to heart.”

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