Page 27 of Closing the Distance

“Have you always played with the Wolves?”

“No. My rookie season I was on the East Coast, then played a couple of seasons in Atlanta before I got traded to the Wolves. I like being on the West Coast because it’s the same time zone at least as my parents, and I like the weather here in California. Have you always lived here?”

“Pretty much. I had dreams of traveling to Europe, but never really had the time or money. I’ve always had to work to pay the bills.”

“Maybe we can take a trip sometime.” He says it as if our future together is so clear, and I wish I could see it like he does. I wish I could have that kind of faith in another person.

But I’ve never been that lucky, and even though we seem to be finding our footing, I’m still hesitant to completely let my guard down around him. But I also can’t completely shut him down either because the truth is I want that future—no matter how implausible it might be for me.

“Yeah, maybe.”

He stops walking, and it isn’t until my arm pulls back from where we’re still holding hands that I realize it. I spin around to face him, my breath stuttering in my chest at how handsome he is in the low light of the sun with the backdrop of the beach. This guy is so far out of my league, it’s not even funny.

He pulls my hand, and I move the two small steps until we’re toe to toe and I’m looking up into his brown eyes. As if he can read all my insecurities, he drops his head until our foreheads are touching, and it seems like all the air I’m breathing is coming straight from him.

“I want a life with you. I know the baby brought you back to me, but I was looking for you, Lexi, and I would’ve kept looking even with my friends telling me to stop. There’s something about you—about us together—that I can’t lose. I won’t. I’ll prove to you I’m in this for good, and I hope someday you’ll trust me enough to tell me all about your hopes and fears and your childhood.” He gives me a slightly pointed look that tells me I wasn’t at all subtle when I changed the conversation earlier. “Okay?”

I want all those things too. It’s exhausting always holding back and never really letting anyone in. It’s especially exhausting when it’s the father of your baby and the first man who’s ever made you feel truly special.

“Okay,” I whisper before his lips take mine in a soft kiss that feels like it sears him into my soul. It’s not the kind of kiss I’ve read about—filled with passion and heat. Instead, it’s the soft kiss of tenderness and security—two things I’ve never felt from another person before.

And it honestly scares the shit out of me.

SIXTEEN

When I woke up this morning, knowing about this appointment, I didn’t quite picture it like this. If you’d told me three months ago I’d be sitting in a stark doctor’s office surrounded by pregnant women, I would’ve laughed. But that’s exactly where I am.

Lexi sits beside me, her hands in her lap and the fingernail of her right thumb rubbing over the top of her left thumbnail. It’s something I’ve noticed she does a lot when she’s nervous. It’s so subtle, I wonder if she’s even aware of it. I reach over and wrap my hand around hers. She looks up at me, and visibly relaxes as she turns her palm over, entwining our fingers together.

My chest expands with a sense of pride that I have the power to calm her—to ease some of her stress.

The high of victory on the field doesn’t even come close to the way I feel when I get these small moments with Lexi.

My knee bounces as I look around the waiting room of the doctor’s office until she sets her hand on my thigh, stopping the movement. I glance down at her, and there’s a lightness in her eyes that’s been growing with every day we spend together.

“Nervous?” she whispers.

“Maybe a little,” I confess, wrapping her hand with mine and holding it tight. I can’t remember a time when a woman’s hand fit so perfectly in mine. “I don’t really know what to expect.”

I won’t tell her the other fears I have. I’ve only ever spent a significant amount of time around Romel’s daughter—who is weirdly wise for her age—and the kids at the pediatric cancer hospital I try to visit once a month, and those kids are just trying to survive. Neither of my brothers have any kids and aren’t even close to settling down. I don’t really hang out with any of the other players on the team apart from Gabe, Dom, and Romel, so I’ve never been around their babies.

I honestly hadn’t seriously thought about the prospect of having kids before Lexi told me she was pregnant. I’ve been focused on football for the last several years, and before that I was focused on getting into the pros, so kids never had time to cross my mind. I might’ve thought about the idea of kids in that weird hypothetical way as something that would happen someday, but there was never anyone I wanted to have them with.

Not until now. Now I can’t imagine having a kid with anyone besides Lexi.

So, yeah, I have no fucking clue what to expect. But now that it’s happening, I’m realizing I need to figure it out quick. And there’s nothing that drives that point home more than being surrounded by a bunch of women in various stages of pregnancy.

Lexi licks her lips, and it reminds me of the present I bought her. I pull it out of my pocket and hand it to her. “For afterward.”

She looks down at my hand then up at me with wide eyes and her mouth slightly parted in surprise. I don’t know why she’s shocked. She should realize by now that I’m always paying attention, especially when it comes to her. And it didn’t take me long to figure out that the caramel apple pops were her craving right now. I bought several boxes and have them stashed in my condo, my car, and another in my other pocket in case one isn’t enough. I know she can’t suck on it now, but I figure she’ll enjoy it afterward.

“How did you know?” she asks, a little awe in her soft voice.

“You had a couple of wrappers on your counter when I came over the other day, and you were sucking on one when I FaceTimed you during our last away trip.”

She stares at me and then her lips quirk up into a small smile, but the way her eyes light up tells me I did a good job. My chest swells with something stronger than affection, stronger than anything I’ve ever felt before. I love making her light up the way she is now, knowing I contributed to her happiness, and I’ll do just about anything to keep that look on her face.

A nurse walks out, a clipboard in hand. “Lexi?”

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