Page 21 of The Desire

“To my liking, are you serious! Yes, Rem, the money is a ridiculous amount that would be three years’ wages for me. Who pays someone that sort of money? Oh, that’s right, you do, so I can be your private beck-and-call girl. Someone who can take care of your problem upstairs. I get it, kids weren’t ever on your agenda, but guess what, shit happens! And you need to learn to deal with it, because you can’t just throw money at a problem and hope to solve it.” My hands are on my hips, and I have been giving it to him with all the attitude I can muster.

“Are you finished your rant?” He sits back in his chair like he doesn’t give a crap what I just said.

“God, why did I even think that I was attracted to you in any way?” Huffing, I throw my arms in the air.

“You weren’t, remember? You told me you just wanted me to fuck you, that’s it. There didn’t need to be any attraction there. A one-night stand that was better than your fucking vibrator. I believe I executed your wishes to your liking, end of story, moving on.” He places his hands on the desk, clasped together, trying to show no emotion.

“This has nothing to do with that night!” My frustration turns to anger now. “But while we’re at it, you were the one that wanted to be in my bed last night, so you can’t tell me there was no attraction.” I stare at him with eyes that I hope convey the disgust I’m feeling toward him as I say the words that hurt me on the inside. “Or was I just the body that was here, ready to be used to fuck away the panic you were feeling?”

My breathing gets faster as I continue to rant. “Someone you could control, oh yes, just like the letter of offer. You can’t leave the house unless I say so, you will do as I tell you so I can still live my playboy life with no responsibility for my son. Yeah, nah, not happening, asshole.” Turning, I’m ready to walk away.

“Elouise.” His voice is not as raised now. I want to keep walking, but something holds me back. I’m standing there just breathing, albeit rapid, but breathing still, and I try to slow it down. I’m not ready to turn and face him yet, because I know I will explode again.

“Can we start over and talk about this calmly?”

Hearing him moving from his chair, I don’t know what to do. Am I capable of a calm conversation right now?

Before I have time to contemplate it much more, his hand rests on my shoulder as he steps in closely behind me.

“El, please. I’m sorry, it’s not how this conversation was supposed to go.” His words are soft enough to caress me if I weren’t so angry, although I can feel the warmth of his hand, and as always, it’s doing something to me that I try to shut down every time. It makes me think about something I can’t have, and after this morning, I’m not sure I would even want it.

“Come on, El, please, just sit down and let’s talk this through.” He pulls on my shoulder to turn me to face him.

His body’s too close to me, so the only solution is to step away and sit on the chair. Damn it, he got me to do what he wanted anyway.

Sitting with a huff, I cross my arms and face him. I’m not the one who needs to be talking and explaining anything.

“Okay… I see it’s up to me to explain.” A small smirk appears on his face, which is kinda cute, not that I would admit that to him. It’s a smile that tells me he is humoring me but is happy to do it.

“You think?” I roll my eyes at him, waiting for him to start.

“I’m sorry I treated this like a business deal, it’s not what I meant, but I wanted for you to understand that I would never use you or take you for granted. I find if everything is in writing then there are no misconceptions down the track. I need your help, El, I think that’s obvious.”

Well, I’ll give him points for not being stubborn enough to deny that.

“Go on.” I want to hear what else he has to say before I tell him my thoughts on everything.

“I know I’m asking a lot, and I understand if you say no, although I’ll admit I’ll be pissed, but that won’t be at you…”

“What you are asking isn’t just a lot, it’s huge! You want me to put my life on hold for you.”

“No, not for me… for Blaise.” His eyes drop from focusing on me, shielding any emotion that may be showing in his eyes that he doesn’t want to give away.

Bastard. He knows how to hit me in the heart. Sure, use the cute little lost boy against me. Using my weakness to get what he wants.

Ughhh.

“That’s not fair.” I look at him, waiting for his eyes to come back to me.

“Maybe so, but it’s true.” Now his eyes are almost pleading with me. “He needs you more than I do. I don’t know how to help him if I can’t communicate with him.” This man is such a contradiction.

One moment he is the sexiest man I’ve ever seen, the next he’s the asshole who was just in the room before, and now we have the compassionate guy who is almost desperate to work out a way forward.

My neck is sore from the whiplash.

“Look, I know this is a lot to take in, and everything in the letter is negotiable. It’s just a starting point. Is the money not enough? Is that what you were upset about?”

“You have no idea anymore how the normal people of this world live these days, do you? That is three times my yearly salary. Which to you might be pittance, but it’s a job I love, and it’s enough for me to get by. So, no, it’s not the money.” Relaxing my body language, I drop my hands into my lap. I still want to be angry with him, but I just can’t seem to stop myself from letting it go.

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