Page 16 of The Desire

Oh, how I’d love to pick up my phone and call Tori, pouring my heart out and her giving me the advice that I’m doing the right thing. But instead, I’m here, on my own, wanting to scream that I just turned down another night with the man who has turned my world upside down.

Contemplating my decision, I hear Rem walking down the hallway, the floorboards creaking as his feet stop outside Blaise’s door momentarily and then my door. Please keep walking, I’m not sure I’m strong enough to say no a second time. It feels like forever before I hear him move again, continuing to his room and then his door closing.

Good, another barrier between us.

I take my time washing off my makeup and getting into my pajamas, and by the time I lie down in this huge bed that feels like sleeping on a cloud, I thought I would be ready to fall fast asleep. But over and over again, I picture little Blaise lying in the field with his mother for all that time until Adeline found them. Was he cold and hungry? How scared and confused must he have been? I can’t help shedding a few tears for Camille but more for the little boy who will still be so traumatized and now in a country where he has no idea what people are saying or what is going on.

A world of strangers and strange places.

Eventually I can’t hold my eyes open any longer, and I can feel sleep coming. I have no idea what time it is, but I drift off seeing Rem’s eyes full of despair from tonight, and I know sleep won’t be peaceful while I worry about them both.

REMINGTON

There have been plenty of nights I have survived on limited sleep, but nothing a coffee wouldn’t cure. But I’m already two strong coffees down and I still feel like I’ve been run over by a truck, then it stopped, reversed, and ran over me again.

It’s not stopping me, though. I’ve been up since four am working. I couldn’t sleep any longer, and there was no point lying there tossing and turning. I did a quick scan through the security footage of Blaise and Adeline sleeping, not expecting anything, but I just wanted to make sure they were okay. Then I went online to see if I could find anything on Camille or Blaise. It’s not really ethical the way I’m searching, but in my job, sometimes you just need to be able find out things through other channels because there is no time to do it the legal way. The only thing that showed up was Blaise’s birth certificate that listed me as the father, and she gave him her surname Roux as his middle name and my surname as his last name. She didn’t have to list me or give him my name, but part of me is thankful she thought enough of me after our brief encounter to do that.

I didn’t expect much to show up in my search due to her living such a simple life in the mountains. The same with Adeline. Which in a way is satisfying that they aren’t trying to scam me. Again, another thing that helps convince me that Blaise is my son, but I can’t do anything until I know for sure.

Spending the last few hours focusing on what needs to happen, I have my plan and will put it into action once everyone is awake, which also includes learning French on the app I have downloaded already. Nic messaged me and will be here with breakfast by eight o’clock. Tori suggested they get some French pastries and fresh baguettes to make Blaise and Adeline feel at home.

Forrest has already delivered the DNA kit from the lawyer to Nic so he can bring it to me. They have organized for a rush on the results, so we should know in twenty-four to forty-eight hours. We discussed last night that we don’t want everyone here at the moment until Blaise has had time to get used to where he is and not be so frightened, so Nic will just drop everything off to me and leave.

Last night I couldn’t even bear to say his name, but by the time I woke this morning and saw him sleeping so peacefully, there is no denying how much he looks like me. I have to accept the inevitable and let it sink in, that overnight, I’ve become a father whether I like it or not.

My life is not set up for a child, and to be honest, I’m not ready to change anything.

I love my job, and I don’t want to give it up. Plus, I can’t expect Nic to bend my role in the company for me. If there is one role you don’t want compromised in the company, that is the head of security. Yes, he is my friend and will try to help, but I would never take advantage of that. There is a line I don’t want to cross and that’s Nic being my boss when we are working and a friend when we walk away from that position each day. I know there are times that the line blurs, but I don’t want that to be all the time. I respect Nic enough not to put him in that position.

As soon as everyone is awake, I will put my plan into action, get the DNA test underway, and hopefully everything will be sorted by the end of the weekend.

I’m a details man. It’s what I do. I plan things, solve problems, and mitigate risk. And I’m fucking good at it!

My phone and watch both buzz at the same time, letting me know there’s movement and voices in Blaise and Adeline’s room. Nic’s quick breakfast delivery to me a few moments ago has been just in time, and hopefully that will satisfy their hunger, and then we can get on with the day.

I push back my chair from the desk in my office where I had just resettled after talking to Nic at the door and shut down my computers. I need to go and face my responsibilities.

Locking down any emotion that goes with it, I just need to treat all this like a work issue. Identify the problem and solve it.

I’m standing in the kitchen and preparing more coffee, ready for when Adeline and Blaise finally come downstairs. I can hear footsteps coming down the stairs, and I know it’s not them. Instead, they are a set of footsteps that I have memorized since she first stepped into my house last night.

Elouise is awake, and I feel a weight lifting off my shoulders. She is the bridge between me and them.

I’m leaning against the kitchen counter, my third coffee for the morning in my hand, when she walks into the room looking just as tired as I am. Sleep must not have been her friend either.

“Good morning.” Picking up the coffee I made for her off the counter, I hold it out toward her which brings a big smile to her face.

“You’re an angel! Seriously, this is just what I need to wake me.” I can tell she is still reluctant to come too close to me after what I said last night, and I don’t blame her. I’m surprisingly thankful, like she said I would be, that she didn’t give in to me last night. I was so off kilter that I wanted something to ground me, or someone really. It’s my go-to when I want to drown out anything that has made me feel out of control. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, I usually bury myself in a hot sexy woman and forget about the world while we enjoy the high that a hardcore fucking gives you.

“How did you sleep?” Elouise asks me as she takes the first sip of her coffee, and her eyes almost roll back in her head in pleasure.

“I didn’t. Well, not more than a few twenty-minute naps, but I don’t constitute that as sleep.” I open the app on my phone again to check the security camera and see that Adeline and Blaise are still in bed but sitting up and talking. I’m sure she has a lot to explain to him. But it lets me know I still have time to talk to Elouise like I need to.

“Ughh, me too. I tried hard but kept thinking about everything that happened last night. Especially what happened with poor Camille and Blaise. I can’t even imagine that poor little boy?—”

I put my hand up to stop her. I don’t want to picture it, I can’t. There is no time for me to dwell on that. We need to move forward, and the last thing Blaise needs is us taking him back to that awful time.

“What?” There’s confusion in her eyes as she looks at me.

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